For Every Nigerian Who’s Had To Endure A Secondary School Reunion

November 6, 2019

Depending on the kind of student you were in secondary school, the experience could have been great or downright awful. Even if you fell in the former category, that doesn’t mean you’re interested in reliving it. So, we made a post for people who have ever had to endure that dreaded reunion.

Realising that nobody actually misses anyone

The most stressful thing about reunions is that everyone secretly knows the truth: It’s less about catching up with the old friends you’ve missed, and more about monitoring spirits coming together to see who’s made it in life.

Hearing the amount they want you to contribute

As if reuniting with old classmates who are eager to judge your life is not bad enough, you now have to drop money to make it happen. Someone will now fix their mouth to suggest a “small contribution” of N70,000.

The WhatsApp group from hell

With useless arguments, overfamiliarity and off-point topics, there is no WhatsApp group on earth as chaotic as the one for a secondary school reunion. What’s worse? They’ll never allow you to leave in peace.

An excuse to show off your glow up

Getting the chance to show off how fine you’ve gotten is the only reason you get slightly excited about the reunion. Sure, you don’t really care about most of these people, but they must sha know that you’re now a snack.

Pretending to remember people

Nothing is more awkward than struggling to remember the first name of someone who just called you by your full government name. So, you just smile and call them generic terms of endearment like “My guy” and “Boss”.

Looking out for those who’ve gotten ugly

You swear you’re above the pettiness, but you find yourself checking to see those who’ve gotten ugly, especially the ones who used to form finest in class that year. It shouldn’t make you feel better, but it lowkey does.

The ones who can’t wait to say they’re married

You’ll meet a lot of stressful people during your reunion, but none more than the ones who are way too eager to let you know they are now married. You: “How is work?” Them: “Fine oh. Just like my husband.”

Promising to meet up after and never trying

As the reunion comes to an end and everyone says their goodbyes, there will always be the eager people that make you promise you’ll keep in touch. You say “of course”, knowing that will never, ever happen.

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