17 Things Anyone Who Has Ever Been To A Nigerian Church Will Completely Understand

December 22, 2015

1. When the usher tries to lead you to the front seat.

That what happened?

2. You, if you miss praise and worship.

It can pain.

3. When you hear “I don’t want to take too much of your time”.

We will be here all day.

4. When the pastor tells you to turn to your neighbour, but your neighbour turns to someone else.

Wow. What a betrayal.

5. You, when the pastor says a prayer for financial breakthrough.

AMENNNNNNNNN!!!!

6. When you hear “after the service the youths should stay behind”.

Nope.

7. You, when an usher tells you to stand up during prayer.

Why?

8. When the pastor says “welcome 3 people” and a 4th person approaches you.

I’m done.  Thanks.

9. How everyone looks at you when you’re a first timer:

What na?

10. How you feel when you’re the first timer:

Well, this is awkward.

11. You, when you hear “it’s offering time”.

Where did I put that money?

12. When you’re broke and you hear “second offering”.

Ah. Not today.

13. When an usher tells you to put your phone away.

As my bible is now inside it ehn?

14. When the pastor is preaching about immorality and keeps looking in your direction.

Hay! What did God tell pastor now?

15. When you open the bible passage before the pastor starts reading.

As a boss.

16. When the pastor says “hold someone’s hand and pray” but you can’t find anyone to pair up with.

Uhm. Now what?

17. When you hear “we will be rounding up shortly”.

You said that an hour ago.

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