6 Bizzare Services Rendered Under Ikeja Bridge

July 24, 2019

You unlock this door with a key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, and a dimension of mind. You are moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You have just crossed over into… Ikeja Underbridge.

– Zikokomag, 2019

(Fingers crossed that Rod Serling’s estate never sees this)

I’ve always had this theory that if hell or The Twilight Zone had gateways anywhere on earth, they would be at Ikeja underbridge. Why? Because there’s way too much shady stuff going on there for that place (and, by proxy, the people operating there) to not be affiliated with dark magic.

Backing up my theory are the frankly insane services that are offered under that bridge. Here’s a list:

1) Lip Colouring (Pink Lips)

If you’ve ever passed through Ikeja underbridge on foot then you’ve definitely seen them. They stand around in packs, approaching random passersby and brandishing small containers of a pink cream while quietly asking, “You wan do pink lips?”

I won’t lie, I considered doing this when I first heard about it. But seeing the results on the guys selling it reminded me why people should never get high on their own supply. All the guys I’ve seen obviously went ham on the cream application, ending with them looking like this:

Damn.

2) Getting Tattoos.

Have you ever looked at someone’s body ink and wondered why it looked more like the effects of a violent flesh-eating bacteria than a tattoo? They most likely got the tattoo at Ikeja underbridge. Also, it’s the same pink lips guys that offer this service. I stan Kings (and queens?) of multi-tasking.

You can even get eyebrows permanently tattooed above your eyes, ensuring that you’ll be stuck in one fashion era for as long as you live.

3) Body piercings (Any body part)

Genitalia included. But the line, “I went to pierce my scrotum at Ikeja underbridge and something terrible happened” won’t elicit pity from anyone. Remember this when you’re being laughed at in slow motion because you’re in a hospital bed with your entire pelvis bandaged.

4) Surgical enhancements

Ikeja underbridge is the place you go to get surgery (butt, boobs, tummy tucks, penis enlargement) if you have plans to feature on a future episode of E!’s Botched.

5) Skin bleaching.

No more do you have to spend ₦200k on Bobrisky’s cream or ₦90k on Blac Chyna’s cream. Just mosey on down to Ikeja underbridge and have your skin whitened for a fraction of the cost of other creams.

The eventual skin damage is sold separately.

6) Teeth Bleaching.

I for one think it’s amazing that the good folks under the bridge at Ikeja have bypassed the almost decade-long training required to study dentistry and just went straight to practising. Unqualified people messing around in your mouth. What could go wrong?

You'll like this

April 15, 2020

I have observed a worrying pattern. Especially among my male friends. There seems to be a silent agreement to bear things quietly because the alternative is to suffer ridicule. As the lockdown progressed, I watched a lot of my friends consume copious amounts of stimulants to cope with the uncertainty ahead. Most recently, lay-offs at […]

June 6, 2020

Nigerian photographers are definitely on the list of the most annoyed Nigerian demographic. Chances are you are probably guilty of at least one thing on this list. Read the list before you deny it. 1. “I know someone who can do it for cheaper price”. Then why are we here, please? You brought me all the […]

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

August 7, 2020

Sufferings in mirror are closer than they appear. Approach with caution because adulthood is the ghetto. 1) Attitude towards savings: As a student: Vibes and inshallah. As an adult: Piggyvest, Cowrywise, Kolo. 2) Attitude towards spending: As a student: My money grows like grass. As an adult: There’s rice at home. 3) Source of money: […]

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

More from Inside Life

August 6, 2020

A line from a popular Yoruba fuji song goes: It is the man with the potbelly you should give the money too. Indeed, Nigerians seem to place importance on how much body fat a man carries. Skinny people aren’t really taken seriously in these parts. Being a skinny man in Nigeria can be very frustrating. […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X