Don’t be an Arsenal fan
You’re an Arsenal fan, and you want to argue about football? Are you not embarrassed?
Ignore the facts
You’re here to win, not to raise a superior argument. Let your opponents focus on facts while you hatch your main plan.
Always take the opposing opinion
What’s your main plan, you ask? Divide and conquer. No matter how obvious the correct stance is, always be on the opposite side. If they’re arguing whether Nigeria can beat Brazil, support Nigeria. If they’re arguing about who will win the next Champions League, shout “Chelsea” or “Arsenal”. Just say any wildly impossible thing to rile them up.
Laugh at the other person’s argument
Mock them for using logic. Yes, they deserve it.
Yell… a lot
It’s not a proper argument if you don’t talk at the top of your voice, even though you’re just a few inches away from kissing them.
Have mouth odour
No one with mouth odour has ever lost an argument. You can quote us anywhere.
Go with a gun
We’re not saying you should threaten them with violence, but strike the fear of God in their hearts.
Show them a picture of Messi with the world cup
If it’s another tired argument about who the GOAT is, show them a picture of Messi holding the world cup.
Annoy them and shout “Siuuu!”
When you’re done, rub the pain in by shouting “Siuu!” and doing the Ronaldo celebration. There you have it; mission accomplished.
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