Like a bad dream, the pink lips fashion trend is one that rears it’s ugly coloured head every so often — with people conveniently forgetting the potential harmful effects of pink lip scrubs and balms. Who doesn’t want shiny lips, right?

Ikeja Underbridge is probably the melting pot of every lip-colouring-practitioner to ever exist. Here’s what a pink lips adventure would look like there.

Completely trust the words of a stranger

Does it matter that you just met someone on the streets who claims they can “help you get pink lips”? Of course not. We definitely need to be more trusting. Who knows. They might even have a dermatology degree.

Be more diligent than you were in school

The seller will probably tell you to apply the colouring cream every morning and night. Set an alarm so you never miss it. This is Operation Pink Lips. No slouching is allowed.

Never run out of colouring cream

It’s a forever contract now. You think you can just stop one day and expect your lips not to revert to their original colour? Please.

Make money

Look for how to earn your own $200k so you can afford the bondage lifestyle you just subscribed to.

Ignore any voice of reason

The people telling you to be careful of harmful chemicals, don’t they understand fashion?

Be okay with looking “strange”

You may end up looking like someone doing a terribly bad blackface impression, but you shouldn’t let such a small risk stop you.

Start writing your GoFundMe bio

We’re not saying you’ll need it o, but just in case the chemicals in your colouring cream want to start acting up. Be prepared.

Go forth and slay

Like the bad — potentially medically-unwell — bitch you are.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.