How To Effectively Confuse Your Nosey Neighbours In Nigeria

February 26, 2019

Hello. 👋

 

Do you live in a place full of nosey neighbours who just won’t mind their business? Are they always all up in your business, constantly spying on you, and policing your movements? If your answer is “yes,” I have good news for you.

 

While you can’t get them off your back (because their lives are super dull and they’ve made you their primary source of entertainment), the good news is that you can get some fun out of the whole thing by messing with them.

 

Try one (or all) of these pranks.

1. From 2 am every morning, spend 5 minutes screaming in a high pitched voice and intersperse it with retching sounds. Eventually, someone will start a rumour that you have someone tied up in your house vomiting money.

You’ll be surprised by people’s creativity levels when they desperately want something scandalous to believe.

2. Smear yourself and an axe with tomato paste, then go outside and beckon to people hawking stuff to come into your house.

“Don’t run! Judge me by the content of my heart and not the colour of the liquid I’m covered in!”

3. Buy a small goat and slit its throat inside your compound (right in front of the gate) so the blood flows out into the street. While this is happening, let out a blood-curling scream so they think it’s a human.

Then when they’re all gathered outside, with horrified looks on their faces and hands over their mouths, suddenly open the gate to catch them in full amebo mode.

4. Package your garbage in the shape of a body.

Just be sure to come out and clear the air before they freak out and call the police.

5. On a random Saturday afternoon, invite a bunch of your friends over and tell them to put on black robes. When they get there, go out to greet them and then have everyone walk into your house backwards.

To spice things, do a small choreographed dance on your way in.

The moral of this story is:

You’re welcome.

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