In these stressful times, you need to do whatever it takes to find cash. Even if that means seducing a POS agent. Follow these steps to date one and have your cash problems solved today.
Break up with your current partner
Does your current partner have cash? If they don’t, what are you people doing together? Break up with them and look for someone who can add value to your life.
Spend all your cash
You can’t take this seriously if you’re not truly motivated. Spend that last ₦500 in your hand so you know you have no choice but to find cash somewhere else.
Find a POS attendant with plenty cash
Don’t waste your time on a POS attendant who doesn’t have cash. You must stay focused on the goal at all times. What’s the use of a POS attendant who doesn’t have plenty cash?
Cook food for them
The way to any human being’s heart is through their stomach — even though it’s their pocket you’re trying to get to. Even spirits at the T-junction accept food as payment for good fortune.
Or get them fuel
Even if they have cash, fuel scarcity is still stressing them out. Bringing them fuel is the most romantic thing you can do for a POS attendant in a time like this.
Call them sweet names
There’s no need to ask anybody out. There are more pressing matters at hand. Just start calling them “baby” every day and showing up at their place with food or fuel. Boom, you’re in a relationship.
Start dropping hints
Send them random photos of new naira notes captioned “Thinking about you”. You can also ask them silly questions like, “If you were a naira note, which one would you be?” Anything to hint that you didn’t come here to play; you’re here for business.
If nothing works, carry gun
If they’re forming ignorance, negotiate with them at gunpoint so they know this is a purely transactional relationship and they can’t be hiding cash. Desperate times require desperate measures.