We Started Living Together, Then Our Situationship Fell Apart

August 30, 2020

I had a conversation with a bisexual woman last year when we were talking about starting a new relationship series (which is in the works). I was trying to find out more about her love life, and somehow, the entire story revolved around a situationship that spanned almost a year.

Given the recent conversations around situationships, I figured there was no better time than now to share her story. She talks about how they met, how they were comfortable not being a relationship and how everything fell apart. There’s something in here about a pregnancy too.


It started with a tweet; I tweeted about needing more sad songs to populate my playlist. He sent a DM with suggestions and a couple of days later, followed up with a text to see if I was impressed by them. I was. That was how we got talking. A few conversations in, he asked if I wanted to go on a date and I agreed. 

At the restaurant, we talked about everything from religion to Twitter gossip. We agreed on most things. He was smart, funny and easy to talk to. This was important because ain’t nobody got time to be playing guess games and it is usually difficult for me to get into a smooth conversational flow with people I just met. He asked me to come with him to a party in a few hours so that the date wouldn’t end, but I had promised my mother I was going to make bitterleaf soup, so I went home instead.

Throughout the bus ride home, I was annoyed that I had to go home, but happy about how the date turned out. I found myself looking forward to seeing him again and made mental notes for topics we could talk about.

We texted intermittently for a couple of weeks. Things kind of slowed down. I mean the date was great, but I didn’t want to come off as overly eager to see him again so he just kind of eased out of my mind for a while.

A little while after, we agreed to meet up again for a movie at a cinema. We ended up making out throughout the movie, creeping out a bunch of older Nigerians because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Before we knew it, sex entered the picture and it was perfect.

We kept this energy for a while, but eventually, it got messy for simple and not-so-simple reasons.  

I didn’t want a relationship because I was terrible at them. They took much work and too much time. He didn’t either, which was one of the reasons it was great: I could get all of the fun, all of the great sex and none of the commitment. 

A few months into whatever you can call what we were doing, I moved in with him for convenience reasons. His place was closer to my workplace than my mother’s house. There were days when it wasn’t my cup of tea, but mostly it was good in the beginning. It was amazing to wake up to him in the morning, watch him go through the motions of living, look closely at him in that small and private space, and just be ugly. 

It was while we lived together that I realised that I liked him more than I liked most people. In fact, I loved him. When I was with him, I was a little less sad. But the fact remained that we were not exclusive. There were other people in the picture: I had a woman on the side and he probably did too.

About seven months in, we had a conversation where he decided that I had too much power over him and was stifling him. He said that we had to spend some time apart so we could think things through and decide what we wanted to do. We gave ourselves a month. I agreed and left, a little sad, but also understanding his need for space. A few weeks in, I had a series of appointments in his area, so I asked if I could come back only for a few days. He didn’t mind —  at least, he didn’t say he did. 

One night, I got to his place and he had a work guest over. He said it would only take a few hours, so I went to the parlour to chill while they worked in the room. He was supposed to wake me up when she left so I could shower, prepare for the next day, and sleep. He didn’t, but I needed to pee so I woke and checked my phone to see he left me a message saying they had ended up working far into the night, so she’d be sleeping over. Not an unreasonable turn of events, but the way it was handled made me feel he was trying to send a message that I was a not-so-important part of his life. 

Why didn’t he come out to tell me in person that his guest asked to sleep over because it was late? What does that mean if not go-and-kill-yourself? 

As if that was not enough, I got pregnant. 

I was on birth control, so I don’t know how it happened. One of those hateful sperm things must have found its way to an egg and fertilised the shit out of it. I was away on a work trip when I took the test and found out I was pregnant. I sent him a text to tell him the news and what I wanted to do. An abortion. 

He texted back with one word: “Wonderful.” It was the word he used when he didn’t know what to say, but I was pissed — annoyed by this reaction. Eventually, he called back and asked if I wanted to keep it. I didn’t want to, although there was one moment when I was drinking and realised I had alcohol in my glass and thought about stopping so I wouldn’t hurt the pregnancy. The ridiculousness of that hit me; I laughed and resumed my wine.

We didn’t talk for a while after this. I was still pissed. Eventually, I put my grievances aside and we agreed to meet when I was back from my work trip. When we met up, he told me he had something  to say. There was a pause, before he started speaking again. In long, winding words, he informed me that he had “somehow” gotten himself into a relationship that he didn’t see coming. It was a painful conversation because I felt blindsided and a tad manipulated.

Considering that it was the same work guest that was now his girlfriend, I realised, it was probably business and pleasure mixed together.

We decided to just stay friends but a few months later he said that was not working. We obviously missed being together, so we decided to bring the sexual relationship back.

A few more months later, we had this bare all conversation where we were apologetic about all that had transpired between us especially from his own end. We fessed up about our true feelings and what we wanted going forward. I was out of town then, so we agreed to meet up and talk more in person when I returned. We didn’t get the chance to because he had to go out of town as well. So we don’t really know what we’re doing, but we also know that we’re definitely not together. Here’s the fun part: his girlfriend is very much alive and in the picture.

The moral of this story? I don’t know. The problem, I eventually realised was that the minute we both wanted more from each other, we never communicated. The indepth conversations we had about our situationship were far and few between. From the onset, we never clearly determined what we wanted. And well, feelings were caught.


Did you enjoy reading this? Then you should also check out these out: Situationships Work When You’re On The Same Page and Love in The Age of Genotype.

Ope Adedeji

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 15, 2021

If you watch football regularly, you’ll enjoy seeing people humiliate their opponents by dribbling them just to hear the crowd go wild. If you play football, you’re either the one who dribbles people or the one who gets dribbled. If you’re the one who gets dribbled, you’ll be able to relate to this. And you […]

January 15, 2021

Annual remittances to Nigeria are estimated to be approximately $24bn, accounting for 6% of GDP, according to research by PwC. The importance of these overseas transfers has been amplified by the global pandemic and economic downturn. In response to the Central Bank of Nigeria’s Directive on international money transfers, WorldRemit was the first cross-border payments […]

January 15, 2021

Dear men, you never know what to do after you send a woman pictures? Well, we are here to help. 1) Send us money Looking at your beautiful pictures has caused us eye pains because your beauty is blinding. You have to pay for eye treatments. 2) Buy us a new wig Your beauty just […]

Recommended Quizzes

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Inside Life

January 15, 2021

If you watch football regularly, you’ll enjoy seeing people humiliate their opponents by dribbling them just to hear the crowd go wild. If you play football, you’re either the one who dribbles people or the one who gets dribbled. If you’re the one who gets dribbled, you’ll be able to relate to this. And you […]

January 15, 2021

Annual remittances to Nigeria are estimated to be approximately $24bn, accounting for 6% of GDP, according to research by PwC. The importance of these overseas transfers has been amplified by the global pandemic and economic downturn. In response to the Central Bank of Nigeria’s Directive on international money transfers, WorldRemit was the first cross-border payments […]

January 15, 2021

We Nigerians often think we have a monopoly on ruggedness, but I think the Zimbabweans come close, especially the transport sector. I found a number of similarities between the Nigerian danfo system and the Zimbabwean system, and I knew I HAD to share ASAP. NB: Buses in Zimbabwe are called kombis, while in Nigeria, they […]

January 13, 2021

If you’re one of the people that can’t feel small breeze without felling asleep, you’ll be able to relate to these seven memes. 1. When people complain about insomnia “Wait, I don’t understand. So you’ll try to sleep but sleep will not come? How is that even possible?” 2. When you try to binge-watch anything […]

January 13, 2021

Dogs are cute and they protect your family, but people need to understand there’s more to having pets than keeping dogs. If you’re looking to get a new pet, here are a few animals you should consider. 1. Cats Cats are not witches. They’re actually pretty intelligent and fun to be around. But one thing: […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X