Here Are The Signs You Are Becoming A Nigerian Aunty

December 9, 2018
So you think you are still a baby girl? You think you can count yourself amongst the youth and use words like ‘on fleek’. Well, this is an awakening call. You are no longer a baby girl, you are now a Nigerian aunty and here’s the proof.

You’ve noticed that your makeup you used to think was on fleek is no longer really what’s trending.

Baby girls have moved on to feathered brows and you are still there drawing your own like marker.

In fact you no longer know what’s trending with anything. Clothes o music o, the youths have left you behind.

What do you mean denim jackets are old school in 2018? I still have ten in my wardrobe.

People who don’t know you in public have started calling you ‘aunty’ instead of miss.

You don’t even know when it started, you just woke up one morning and suddenly you were ‘Aunty’.

You now have a hoarde of nieces, nephews and younger cousins whose parents force them to talk to you on the phone.

You’ll call your sister to give her spicy gist about your baby girl life and the next thing you’ll hear is ‘Junior come and talk to your aunty on the phone’.

You’ve even started jamming some of them in the club house that you’ve been going. Because you know you are still yuppy and young in your mind.

You won’t even know when you’ll pick up your phone to call their parents. ‘Tade you won’t believe where I saw your son at this time of the night’. Standard Nigerian Aunty moves.

You’ve noticed that when you wear certain clothes people have started asking you ‘are you sure you should be wearing that at your age?’.

Please wear your bum short like that, their fathers.

No Saturday passes without you attending a wedding. But you’ve noticed the weddings you’ve been going for are those of your younger sisters age group.

Wait o when did everyone I know marry?

You’ve come to the sudden realisation that you’ve been dulling over the years and watching African Magic is actually sweet.

You’ll go and visit your friend and her children will be begging you to change the station from African Magic.

You go and visit your friend to chill and meet them scolding their children, next thing you hear is ‘go and report yourself to Aunty Yetunde’.

I’m not understanding so what am I supposed to do after they’ve reported?

You’ve also noticed that when you go and visit your friends or siblings their children have started asking you for ‘biscuit money’.

Please please please, in this economy? When did you even stop collecting biscuit money that people have started expecting you to give it.

Even when there is no aso-ebi for an owambe you and your friends will plan and co to wear.

Everything must coordinate from the way you tied your geles to the shoes you are wearing.

Your body just starts to itch you when you notice someone way younger than you didn’t kneel down to greet you.

It’s not as if you care about that o but you changed their nappies when they were babies. So imagine the effrontery.

You can’t leave an owambe anymore without making sure that you’ve collected every single souvenir that is being shared.

After all, you paid for aso-ebi and you can never have enough bowls in your kitchen.

Now that you know you are a Nigerian Aunty remember not to let that stop you from continuing to be a baby girl living your best life.

Cheers!
Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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