In Nigeria, We don’t celebrate things like Halloween or Friday the 13th, because see, the amount of scary things and bad luck in this country is already enough.
How will I even be celebrating bad thing? God forbid.
It would be nice to explain how and why Friday the 13th is nothing compared to just living in Nigeria everyday of your life.
Friday the 13th ko
You know you have bad luck when you close your eyes on Friday night and just like that, it’s Monday when you wake up!
What did I do to deserve this oh God.
Anyway, You’re up on that monday, rushing to work. “Ojota, yaba, yaba, enter with change o”. You’re in the bus and suddenly, the bus starts shaking, and gbam! it stops.
You’re going to work in legedez benz. Talk about bad luck.
While you are on your walk. From no where, at all, the clouds are getting dark, you start 100m race, but the rain is faster than you.
So you give up and continue a miserable walk in the rain. At least you finally get to the office in wet clothes.
After work, because you don’t want the rain to finish your life again, you take a cab or at least follow your friend who owns a car. Then SARZ stops you.
You know how that story goes.
Let’s talk about the mother of all bad lucks. When your mother tells you to sweep her room, but you’re watching football and forget.
May that not be your portion.
She comes back and meet’s her room unswept. See, just put yourself up for adoption.
because once you hear your name once you are finished. It’s is like a real life horror movie.
“so as we round up, I have to say..” if you’ve never heard a pastor say this, then you don’t go to church. This is a church members worst nightmare because you’re gonna hear it at least 6 more times before church actually ends.
Can I get an Amen?
Now just imagine something happening to our greatest National treasures. Ha! That’s Nigeria’s worst nightmare.
Whatever we all do, we have to join forces to protect Wizkid and Davido, Simple.
Let’s talk about your own personal treasure, you know when your salary finishes 1 week after you collected it. That’s when you know the real meaning of fear.
“hello guy, abeg that 50naira I borrowed you on thursday, please I need it.”
And if you ever want to get your heart broken, just try to check your account balance.
Ha! See, from bad luck to bad mood, to bad day. Everything will just be somehow
Living with a condition called the inability to dance shaku shaku leaves you in fear everyday. Seeing people who are so skilled at the art of shaku shaku showing off everyday.
Oh dear insecurity.
Another really deep fear that scares every Nigerian right now is the possibility of Buhari winning the coming elections again.
God forbid bad thing. But at least you can prevent that by knowing how to get our PVC here.
And the greatest of all these fears is sleeping and waking up and still finding yourself in Nigeria.
“Please let me just go back to sleep. If you wake me up again ehn”
Oh, before I forget, happy Friday the 13th!
Don’t be too scared to tell me what scares you the most about being a Nigerian.
An explosion has occurred in the Ajuwon, Iju-Ishaga area of Lagos today. The explosion happened around 3:30 pm on Thursday 24th September 2020, with many people stating that they do not know the cause of the explosion. Video footages of the explosion have been circulating on social media: An eyewitness told BBC Pidgin that a […]
Being a corps member has to be one of the most stressful phases in the life of a Nigerian youth. And you know what makes it all the more stressful? The money aspect. It is never enough. 1. The struggle of waiting for allowance every month. Especially when it’s already 20-something on the calendar and […]
Why do people profile tech ladies who have casual interest in fashion, beauty, etc as not being good technically? When guys have hobbies, nobody claims it affects their skills.
Addiction, sometimes can be a three-headed hydra. Sever one head and two grow in its place. I’m writing this in the hopes that people who struggle with their addiction will read this and realise that they are not alone. I’m hoping the people whose responses thousands are going to read will realise how much impact […]
Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding:
We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:
For unknown reasons, we gathered very real Common Entrance past questions to see if you’re smarter than the average JSS 1 student. There are 10 English questions, 5 Science questions, 5 Social Studies questions and 10 Mathematics questions in this quiz. Show yourself:
In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:
While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:
Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]
Just tired of staying in the same place? Want to explore? We compile 5 of the best things we have heard about Calabar. 1. Richness in Culture Calabar culture is one of the richest cultures in Nigeria, varying from food, to dances to festivals and carnivals. You should give the city a visit. 2. The […]
CTRL J – Japa Last Friday, Jason Njoku, the CEO of Video-on-Demand platform Iroko TV dropped a not-really-bombshell bombshell on Twitter. He announced via a blog post and Twitter threads that the tech company is fully exiting (read: leaving) Africa after so many years of losses and losses. Amidst a series of reasons about why […]
I had a conversation with a 24-year-old who suspects that her husband cheated on her with his cousin while they were still dating. She talks about the age difference between them, the disrespect she had to endure while dating him and the choice she had to make. There are so many decisions I have made […]
1. Time To Go And Meet Your Favorite Lecturer You, yes you. You have had peace of mind for the last 6 months. But in the next three weeks you will try to submit your assignment after the deadline and someone will shout “Will you get out of my office?!” Why? Because the Governor of […]
When you have a following on social media, your life somehow becomes content for your followers. Some people like to keep some parts of their lives private, especially their relationships. Here are 4 prime advantages and disadvantages of keeping your relationship off social media; 1. Nobody knows your boo so nobody can drag you or […]
At some point, Nigeria will have to declare a national emergency on the crime of defilement. For starters, I actually thought “defilement” was just another sensational term used on newspaper headlines, but it actually is a criminal offence. Section 137 of the Lagos Criminal Law (2015), for instance, prescribes an imprisonment for life for anyone […]
The general reaction when we think or talk about cockroaches is disgust. However, meeting a flying roach in person is a whole different ball game. Ladies, this is what a man’s reaction to a flying cockroach says about him in bed. Don’t try to understand the inference, I am about to drop some nuggets so […]
I’m already broke from all the girls I’m chasing, and so I’m really concerned if we will actually be paying more for electricity by September. But it turns out there’s no answer on Obasanjo’s internet for that. In fact, the more you look, the less you see – even if you’re wearing binoculars. Backstory So […]
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.