Nothing is as awkward as the first time you buy a condom. It’s funny how something that literally signifies being responsible can be so…difficult.
Do you remember the first time you bought a condom? I asked some young Nigerians to share their firsts with me.
“My first time was bad. There was a pharmacy opposite my house, but I couldn’t go there because the woman knew me and my family. So, I had to walk like 30 minutes to a Pharmacy far away enough. Even then I was still an awkward mess. I only needed the condom, but I still ended up buying a bunch of other useless things to help distract from it.”
“My first experience wasn’t dramatic. The attendant at the supermarket didn’t even give a shit. I was the one feeling awkward so I bought a ton of shit along with it I didn’t even need- Bread. Groundnut. Crackers.
I dropped the pack of condoms between these things on the checkout table and the stupid cashier stretched for it and scanned it first. Lmao.
Pretty sure everyone behind me gave me looks but I carried my head high. Nothing could destroy my mood right then because I had knacks waiting for me.”
“It wasn’t funny oh. I just dey code, dey code. I hid the condoms beneath the things I got. By the time the cashier got to it, I was just taking face away.
It was a lady, and she was like ‘are you sure you’re getting two packs’? and there was a queue. I was just like ‘yh, yh, pack it.’
“It was nothing special. It was just like buying water.”
“I helped a male friend get condoms at a supermarket. It was my first time getting it and I didn’t know the section they were displayed.
I had to summon the courage to ask one of the sales attendants. She pointed me to the section and I could literally feel her eyes look at me one kind (it may have been in my head ). I got to the section and I saw only two brands so I had to ask another sales attendant if they had more brands available.
I felt her look at me one kind when she answered me. I then went ahead to pick a brand. I didn’t want to buy 1 because I was told to buy 5. The look the babe gave me when I picked 5 condoms was hilarious (coupled with the fact that the lockdown was just recently eased and it was a Thursday evening. very close to the weekend. In my mind I was like these ones would be thinking I want to go kill someone’s son after the lockdown).
“I remember that my first time was on a Sunday. I went into the pharmacy and saw two women that looked like church mothers.
I steeled myself and entered.
Then, I asked for the condoms. She now said “we don’t sell such here” with such judgment. I knew that I was going to feature in her future sermons to her children. I sha bought my condoms elsewhere and I had a good time.”
“The first time I tried to buy a condom, the woman at the counter was just preaching to me. She was like premarital sex is a sin and I’ll go to hellfire. I thanked her when she was done and I bought the biggest pack of condoms she had on sale.”