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“A blind date is a social engagement between two people who have not previously met, usually arranged by a mutual acquaintance.”
The amazing thing about a blind date is how it can either be the best decision a person has ever made (both parties click) or it can end up being a worse decision than breaching Imhotep’s burial chamber and opening his cursed chest.
With that in mind, we asked 4 people to tell us their worst blind dating horror stories, and boy, y’all are in for a treat. Let’s get into it:
Felix, 27
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“I can’t say her name and can’t say her tribe either (because I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype) so I’m just going to talk about my experience. Remember that scene in the movie, White Chicks, where Terry Crews takes one of the girls on a date and she eats everything like she’s trying to gross him out? That’s exactly what this girl did. She inhaled all the food like a hyena on death row, stuffing the parts she was too full to eat in her purse. I could see the waitstaff shoot me pitiful glances. Also, my name is Felix (pronounced ‘phoe-lix’) but she called me ‘feh-lix’ the entire night. Needless to say, I blocked her with the quickness as soon as the date ended.”
Fara, 24
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“Look, I’ve seen the romantic comedies where the guy walks the girl home after their first date and they kiss after which she invites him in for tea or whatever. Sadly, I don’t live in the screenplay for Will Smith’s 2005 movie, Hitch. This is real life and women get murdered for doing stupid shit like that. I made the mistake of mentioning to a guy I went on a movie date with that I lived a walkable distance away from the cinema. After the movie – during which he ate popcorn noisily and refused to share – I told him ‘bye’ and turned to leave when he said he wanted to walk me home. I asked why. He said he wanted to know where I live so he could come over whenever! I calmly said ‘ok’ and told him I needed to pee first. I escaped through the toilet window.”
Stephanie, 21
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“This incident really upset me because it was the first date I’d been on in months that had actually gone well. We had similar tastes in movies & music and were both obsessed with Egyptian mythology. I was ready to go back to his place and get some much-needed sexing when a small baggie of what looked a lot like cocaine fell out of his back pocket as he retrieved his wallet to pay for dinner. I looked at. He looked at it. The waiter looked at it. The waiter and I both looked at him. He rushed to pick it up. I began calling my Uber to go home.”
Gbade, 34
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“Look, I’m pretty open-minded. It’s 2020 and I strongly believe that two (or more) consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they enjoy. But I’m pretty sure you’d have a problem getting through your dinner too if your date was explaining, in graphic detail, how anal clamps work. For thirty minutes, she went on a rant about different sex contraptions. It was after she attempted to show me a picture of an anal clamp in action that I screamed and told her that I didn’t think both of us would be a good fit. I paid for dinner and ran.”
Your turn.
Tell us your worst blind horror story.
Also, we made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.