As every Nigerian adult human knows, meeting potential romantic partners can be a stressful experience. It seems like you never have the time. You’re either at work or at home in bed trying to catch up on sleep. Then there’s the fact that most of us are cursed to spend the better part our youth stuck in traffic. (Lagos people, how far?)
But that’s all about to change. To help you better utilize the little time you do have to find a suitable human mate, I put together a list of places you’re most likely to find the person whose genitals you’ll bump (in sickness and in health) for the rest of your life.
According to New Reports.
1. Twitter
When people say, “It goes down in the dms,” they mean Twitter dms. So, move over Tindr, because Twitter is quickly becoming the place where single (and even some married) people are looking to mingle.
2. Church
It’s a known fact that most people go to church looking for something. Why can’t that thing (for you) be love? Who cares if the person you eventually meet was only there looking to be delivered from a legion of violent spiritual spouses? You’ll work through that supernatural mess together because love conquers all!
3. Allen Avenue
As long as neither of you asks the other what they were doing hanging around Allen Avenue at 11:30 pm on a Friday night, things should go smoothly. Apropos of nothing, have you seen the 1990 classic romantic comedy, “Pretty Woman,” starring Julia Roberts?
4. Weekly witch meetings
Imagine it. You’re dressed in a black robe, dancing around a fire boiling the remains of your coven’s most recent victim in a giant pot when you look across the ritual ground and see someone who you’re sure wasn’t there the previous week. During the feast (of human flesh), you go over and chat them up. They reveal that they recently just joined. You two hit it off instantly.
A love story for the ages.
5. LinkedIn
See ehn, I’m just as shocked as you are about this but apparently, covert shit also goes down on LinkedIn. While people are out there furiously sending out CVs and commenting “Brilliant!” under the mindless content being put out by their dream company to work at, some are busy setting parole. Check out this woman’s experience:
As inappropriate as this is, I have to give the guy points for being super smooth.
6. Orgies
One of the qualities of a healthy relationship is the ability to be vulnerable with each other so intimacy can be easier. And there is NOTHING in this world more intimate than exchanging bodily fluids with someone you just met while surrounded by other sweaty humans in what is basically a hotbed of STDs.
My point is, intimacy won’t be a problem if you boo up with someone you met at an orgy.
7. Canadian Embassy
You both already have a common interest: Seeking greener pastures in order to escape the failing country that is Nigeria. This love story writes itself. Then imagine you both get visas and relocate together! UGH!
Once again,
