How To Make Friends: A Zikoko Guide

June 25, 2021

You’ve been wanting a friend for a while now, but don’t know how to make one? Well, here is a Zikoko guide on how to make friends.

1) Steal someone else’s friends

Some people have already done the dirty work of helping people become a perfect friend. Just wait for the perfect opportunity and strike. Why make your own friends when you can steal someone else’s.

The game is the game

2) Manifest

Socialising is quite difficult, plus you rarely have the time or the money to actually attend events and social functions. Manifesting, however, takes less time and money. Instead of going out to meet people, sit indoors and daydream or manifest the kind of friend you want.

3) Blood covenant

Grab the people you think you would make good friends with, and then carry them to your local babalawo so you can get a blood covenant. The covenant should state that anyone that wants to stop being friends will experience great misfortune. That done, you have friends for life.

4) Buy them

They say everything has a price, so it is quite possible you can find friends for hire. It might set you back by some amount of money, but the goal is friends, and you would have achieved that.

5) Put up an ad

You can put up wanted posters or ads on social media. Don’t forget to include specifications of the kind of friend you want.

6) Leave a trail

Animals tend to follow trails of their favourite foods, so maybe humans will too. Think of the kind of friend you want and what they would like, and then leave a trail of those things leading right to your house. Whoever appears will become your new best friend.

7) Just declare them your friends

Nobody has time for small talk in this economy. Simply walk up to someone you like and declare them your friend. Saves time and very efficient. If they want to try to give excuses, just tell them Zikoko said so.

8) Complain about the country

What better way for people to come together as one than through suffering and sorrow? One of the greatest uniters of people is a common and shared pain. You can tweet about how the price of garri has gone up, and people will comment. A conversation is struck and then you have a friend for life.

It is impossible to be completely friendless because at the end of the day Zikoko will always be your friend. For more on what is inside this life, please click here


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