Lagos is a city of mad people. Before you come for us, we have proof. Multiple proofs, sef. But of all the crazies you are bound to encounter in Lagos, bus conductors do the most. Here are 9 types you are likely to jam:
1. The one who is a walking a loudspeaker.
Yes, bus conductors are expected to have loud voices, but there is that one conductor who sounds like he swallowed an actual loudspeaker. He speaks one word, and you hear it from a thousand miles. Just don’t let him speak close to your ears, please. You don’t want to take the risk.
2. The one who doesn’t pronounce the destinations well.
Iyana Ipaja becomes Yanapaja, Oshodi becomes Oshod, and Ikeja becomes Ikej-Ike-Ikej. Together, Iyana Ipaja, Oshodi, Ikeja becomes “Yanapajaoshodkej” and you will be stuck at the bus-stop for hours wondering when a new local government was created. Half the time, you’ll even miss your destination.
3. The one with the notorious body odour.
It gets bad if he has mouth odour too. And it gets worse if he puts his armpit over your head and opens his mouth in your face to collect your transport fare. And if it’s on a Monday morning when you are heading to work, just know that’s the worst of the worst.
4. The fighter.
This type of conductor has a lot of pent-up energy that that he spends on fight. In the course of a fifteen minute trip, he will fight with an agbero and fight with at least three passengers. Once the fight starts, just avert your face before a blow lands on it and you get an emergency face lift from a Lagos conductor.
5. The one who is always looking for an opportunity to pass comments.
He will comment on your outfit, your mode of sitting, even the way you tell him your destination. Ignore him, except you want to match his energy sha.
6. The one who never has change.
He won’t rest until he joins three passengers together to fight over fifty naira change at Ikeja Along on the very day when you have an interview to attend.
7. The gentle one.
This one could easily be a passenger. He doesn’t have the power to make noise.
8. The one who knows better than the driver.
Oversabi conductors? Them full Lagos. You will be in the bus and you will hear him directing the driver and telling the driver to do as he said. Who is the actual driver and who is the conductor? Find out on this episode of Lagos Bus Rides. If you are lucky, the conductor and the driver might exchange blows at some point. It’s all part of the show.
9. The one who “forgets” to give you change.
Have you even met a real Lagos bus conductor if one of them has not run away with your change?
Which one did we miss? Tell us in the comments!