When Adam and Eve sinned against God, he was so pissed that he decided to burden humans with some crackheads called children for the rest of our lives.

First, you are forever attached to your children, from birth till you die. For the first two years of their lives, you have to constantly take care of them and wipe their butts when they leave smelly gifts inside diapers for you. After that, they just generally stress you for the next six to seven years. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can fight back against these little menaces. Here are a few ways you can fight back against them

1. Chain them to a chair

These little people have insane amounts of energy and you and your 30+ back cannot keep up with them. Just chain them to a table till they sleep.

2. If they bite you, bite them back

God gave all of us teeth for a reason.

3. When you go out, handcuff them to your hand

They are notoriously good at getting missing in public spaces. They can’t runaway if they’re handcuffed to you.

4. Feed them eba for breakfast

This way, they can sleep all day and give you peace of mind.

5. Put them on top of the cupboard

Let them rest there for a few hours.

6. Give them chores

They can’t stress your life after a long day mopping the compound.

7. Cry and beg them

If all of these fail, you have no choice but to cry and beg them to give you small peace of mind.




Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.