7 Reasons Why You Will Continue Saying “God When”

March 1, 2021

All your friends are in love, and you are part of the ‘‘God when’’ association wondering when you will get your own boo. We are sorry to break it to you that you may never find love due to the reasons stated below.

1. You are best in English

Anyone who mistakenly sends you a message with ‘’am’’ doesn’t get a response from you, even if the follow-up message is sweet. Since you are so good at the English language, why not become an English teacher and stop stressing God. You may find your boo in the school where you’ll work as an English teacher. 

2. You are always fighting on social media.

We know you are passionate about what you believe in, but the way you go about it is a little scary, or what do you think? Any small thing you’ve become Hulk Hogan on the TL. Please be calming down abeg, your toasters are afraid that you’ll beat them up if they move to you.

3. Your eating habits are very bad.

You are either a bricklayer or a thief ah. You eat fufu in the middle of the night, it’s fine tho, you may need that energy to fight your village people that appear to you in your dreams. The ones hindering you from finding love.

4. You say ‘am’’ instead of ‘I’m’’

Please for God’s sake, we have tried to correct you. Help us to help you, what is ‘’am fine’’?. When they air your messages now you will say it is elitism when na you wey no sabi English.

5. You are a couch potato

That couch you like to sleep on from morning to night is where you are going to find your boo. We love that they are going to come to your house to find you. Since all you do is press your phone, we believe you aren’t yet ready to download your partner from that phone. You aren’t like the others on the list, keep taking your sweet time.

6.You are still stuck on your ex.

You are so funny, you keep shouting ‘’God when’’ when all you do is fantasize about your ex from morning till night. Instead of filling your thoughts and imaginations with images of your dream boo, you are wasting it thinking of one yeye ex. Better jazz up.

7. You have not tried to buy love on jiji.ng 

Is there really anything you can’t buy on Jiji?. You are probably still waiting for conventional ways of finding love when you can easily do it at the click of a button. All we know is that you aren’t ready. When you are ready, you’ll go and buy it on Jiji.

If you stop doing all these things and you still don’t find love, then we don’t know for you again. maybe you should go to babalawo’s place.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 18, 2021

The subject of today’s Man Like is Timileyin, a project and facilities manager. He talks about his father’s imprint on his character, how his parents’ marriage guides his approach to romantic relationships and why crying is therapeutic. When did you realise you were a man? Every time I open an episode of ‘Man Like‘ and […]

April 17, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has […]

Recommended Quizzes

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

More from Inside Life

April 17, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has […]

April 16, 2021

Queue to withdraw your own money, buy food, do your laundry, pay bills and even collect change. Why all this? You could be channeling that time into securing the bag. *Squeezes face* 1. Disrupts your plans Don’t bother accepting invitations anywhere, because by the time it gets to your turn on long queues, the event […]

April 16, 2021

A year from its initial cancellation, Euro 2020 is finally back. The clock is ticking for this summer’s delayed festival of football, and it’s a first in that it’s had a 12-month deferral. Much changed in the time between, and stadiums across Europe are now under pressure to consider how to proceed. The fact is […]

April 15, 2021

Elsa Majimbo is a 19-year-old old comedian, celebrity and internet sensation who came to the limelight by making very funny and relatable content on her Instagram page. We’ll have typically begged her to cut soap for us, but where’s the fun in that when we can just blow like her. Here’s a list of very […]

April 15, 2021

During a random conversation with a friend, Sierra*, a few weeks ago, she mentioned that her mum passed several years ago and that she has never met her dad. I couldn’t stop thinking about the story the whole evening. On the following day, I hit her up to ask if she would be open to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X