Unless your mother was a stripper who went into labour in the middle of a killer routine and had you on stage, everyone’s first experience of strip clubs is in Hollywood movies. These movies make you think you can just stroll in and do whatever you want. That kind of behaviour will get you thrown out by the bouncers.
Here are 6 rules for navigating strip clubs.
1) Buy something.
Buy a drink or a dance. Don’t just come in and sit around, feeding your eyes. The club is not your lounge.
2) Don’t ask the strippers to give you their real names or phone numbers.
Some of the strippers do it as a side hustle and don’t want the outside world knowing about their moonlighting activities due to the stigma. So, if a stripper tells you that their name is Asampete, take it like that.
3) Don’t record videos or take pictures.
Know that the strippers have private lives that they may want to keep separate from their club personas. Don’t be a douche. The strippers want to be famous in the club, not on YouTube.
4) Pay for your dances.
Don’t let the strippers embarrass you. They are offering you a service in exchange for payment. Pay them their money or prepare to be fucked up by the bouncers AND the strippers.
5) Don’t try to get sexual favours from the strippers.
They don’t offer that kind of service. They’re not there to be your personal escorts. Just get your lap dance and go.
6) Don’t get handsy.
Like the previous point said, you’re there to get a lap dance (maybe squeeze in a short conversation) and go. Groping will get you knocked TF out. This also goes for female patrons. Just because you’re the same gender as the stripper doesn’t give you the right to touch them.
All these rules apply in strip clubs everywhere. Except for Nigeria because our little corner of the world exists in the twilight zone. Don’t believe me? Below is a one-minute video (for the new Zikoko series “Quickie“) in which I talk about my experience in a Lagos strip club.
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