So it rained yesterday (the 20th of January 2019) and I am convinced that something terrible has happened/was happening at the time to trigger rainfall during a time of year that’s officially supposed to be dry season.
Here’s a list I compiled of possible reasons:
1. Climate Change
Super dramatic picture aside, they’ve warned you people to stop burning fossil fuels but you refused to hear word. Now it’s raining during harmattan.
2. A group of elephants or lionesses gave birth.
You know how they say special stuff happens with the weather whenever elephants or lionesses are in labour? Well, I have a theory that a group of lionesses and elephants, who attended an orgy together, conceived at the same time and then had the same due date.
If you’re about to point out that lions and elephants have different gestation periods so it’s highly unlikely that they would give birth at the same time if one of each species got knocked up at the same time, don’t.
Because you’d be right and I’d have no defence.
3. God is pissed at everyone because of all the rampant fornication.
Are you really surprised by this? Y’all are uploading videos of your booty holes getting ate and you think God is not considering another global cleansing via flood??
*LAUGHS IN HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF VERY SOON*
4. Judgement day happened and we missed it because of all the fornication.
Heavy rainfall is a staple in Hollywood movies depicting the end of times, and the rainfall yesterday was really heavy. Maybe Hollywood was on to something.
5. A native doctor who can control the weather felt like flexing his abilities.
Native doctor (brandishing his staff and smiling): I can control the weather, you know. I’m basically one of the X-Men.
Native doctor’s Tinder date: *hisses* Boy, quit playing. Spitting lies ain’t gonna get you this box.
Native doctor: Watch this!
And that’s probably how we got rain in January.
6. Mother Nature is tired of being predictable and has decided to shake things up.
She has let humans predict her moves for decades but no more.
Because Mother Nature is no basic bitch, that’s why. Her middle name is “Spontanious” and she is finally ready to live up to this terrible name. Decide to stan forever before it’s too late.