You know those places that you can’t hang out for 30 minutes without seeing someone you’ve slept with? It’s usually tres awkward as you give yourselves a knowing nod and proceed to be uncomfortable the entire time. These hot spots exist in every state, and they are usually popular among residents. Today, we present 6 places in Abuja you are bound to run into an old flame.
1. Keje Grills
Bruh. If you live in Abuja then you know that this deserves the number one spot. Everyone knows that it takes forever for your food order to get to you, so as you wait for food while sipping drinks, BOOM! That human you slept with multiple times and never called back walks in with their new partner and things just become awkward.
2. Iya Oyo
You go there for the Amala and stay for the Ewedu until you meet that tinder date you slept with and took for breakfast there. Now, you guys are cutting each other eye over Amala. It’s worse if you see them on the queue as you walk in. Yikes.
3. Beer Barn
What is it about tight, small spaces, hot air and lack of seats that makes people turn up? As you squeeze through sweaty bodies to get a good space, you’d accidentally bump into a body that feels familiar. Alas, it’s your fuckbuddy you ditched because they don’t eat ass. Now you’re in this tight space with them, their partner, yours and a bunch of bearded men playing pool.
Where do I begin? Honestly, Junkyard is the perfect setting for a meet and greet of exes and fuckbuddies. You’d be minding your business there, next thing you are watching your ex-thing chat happily with their friends. You can’t complain because you met them there. It’s awkward because they are hanging out with the friends you both met together. You can be certain they’ve started fucking someone else in the group.
5. Calypso garden
If Abuja people are like chimneys then Calypso garden is the house that holds the chimney. There are several spots within the garden but the most popular one has to be Boooozway. You could be drinking good cocktail and getting high with your new peng thing when suddenly you see them. That partner you left because you found shit stain on their underwear comes in with their friends. You give them a knowing nod and hope they don’t come to your table.
6. Anywhere in Gwarinpa
Abuja is so small that honestly, we are just recycling partners at this point. If one person has an STI, everyone has to get tested. Within Abuja is a smaller community but worse. Behold, I present to you Gwarinpa. Everyone living in Gwarinpa is a slut. Every spot in Gwarinpa is a slut spot. Everywhere you go in Gwarinpa, you will run into someone you’ve slept with hanging out with another person you’ve slept with. Trust me, they are sleeping with each other. It’s a slut fest.
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