sleeping naked

1) Proper Ventilation:

Sleeping naked gives you the chance to properly air the parts of your body usually covered by clothes. And I don’t mean the regular parts. I mean the nooks and crannies where the sun doesn’t shine. You know, like your $#%@ and your #%@^@.

2) Easy to regulate temperature.

Assuming you live in a place with erratic weather patterns (All my Nigerians, say “hey!”), you can sleep naked if it’s hot at night time, and throw a blanket over yourself to fix things if it gets cold. Easy peasy.

3) Even if your parents were part of the mob who burned him alive for murdering children, Freddy Krueger will never come for you.

Maybe it’s against his personal code. Maybe it grosses him out. I don’t know. What I do know is that Freddy has NEVER (in any of the 200 movies about him) attacked a naked sleeper. That’s a fact.

4) To scare off your sleep paralysis demon.

Don’t ask me how I know this but sleep paralysis demons aren’t trained to choke naked sleepers. Because of this, they flee in terror when they come across one. So sleep naked and confuse a sleep paralysis demon today.

5) So your spiritual wife/husband can point out all the areas you need to train more in the gym.

Even though your union was against your will, you still have to do everything you can to look good for your spiritual spouse. And that includes laying down spreadeagled on the bed while they roast you for having belly rolls.

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