If like me you’ve been thinking of a way out of penury, I welcome you. Here’s a list of places to find our helpers (tech baes) so that we can flourish and finally chop life.

1) Any coffee shop

Your nearest coffee shop is filled with so many lowkey rich tech people looking for wonderful ambience and uninterrupted power supply. Use this information wisely.

2) Shops where they sell turtle necks

You know the vibes for this one.

3) Lexus car dealerships

The official car of made people in tech. If they drive Lexus ES 350 or IS 350, hold on to them for dear life.

4) Any shop that sells Apple devices

Pro-tip: The richer they are, the more Apple devices they own.

5) Or plant shop

Plant that’s not for cooking is a sign of wealth in Nigeria, and these people are stupidly rich.

6) Any event that has the keyword “disruption” in it

Don’t dull.

7) Or “Fintech” as the theme

The next best thing since sliced bread.

8) Or Crypto and Bitcoin as subthemes

The last line of defense against Emefiele et al. After Bezos, tech people swear by these terms.

9) Any Paystack or Flutterwave event

Because anyone can be a golden boy.

10) Twitter

Open your Twitter and tweet “Tech bros don’t have their baths.” If your mentions aren’t swarming with them, come and fight us in our office.

11) Your nearest “coke” dealer

I’m not there oh.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.