There are two types of places: the good place and the bad place. Then there’s Nigeria. Every Nigerian living in Nigeria knows we are living in an extremely glitched simulation. Nigeria is an error in design, and the people living here know.
Here’s proof that Nigeria is indeed not a real place.
1. The president is a bad boy.
Yes, you read us right. The Nigerian president is a bad boy and he is very proud of it. Anytime you think you’ve seen his worst, he goes on to outdo himself. From banning social media to making his citizens afraid. Bubu, best in bad boy.
2. They can steal your private part in public.
Your private part can either get stolen or switched in private. All it takes is one touch and your private part has been stolen by an unexplainable entity. Penises are the most common stolen private parts in public.
3. Politicians travel abroad to use Twitter.
Again, you read that right. Nigeria is so fake that Twitter doesn’t even work here. Nigerian politicians have to cross the seven7 seas to use Twitter. We are hoping one day Nigeria gets real enough to finally have access to Twitter.
4. Police officers or a civilian can jump on the bonnet of your moving vehicle.
Tems sang “crazy things are happening” and every new day, there is something new to prove her right. Civilians and policemen are courageous enough to jump on the bonnet of moving vehicles as a way to make a point.
5. They sell Zobo and roasted corn inside some government offices.
We aren’t saying civil servants shouldn’t eat, but the civil servants have switched from their official employment to selling roasted corn and zobo. Anyway, we get it; only a fully fed person can work.
6. Overhead bridges are for decoration.
We get that the country is not real, but are the people also fake and hungry to die like they are in some sort of game? A lot of Nigerians living in Nigeria see pedestrian bridges as mere decoration and choose not to use them.
7. Homophobia is normal in Nigeria.
Real countries are fighting against homophobia and Nigeria on the other hand is basking in it.
8. Owning an iPhone can get you in trouble.
Owning an iPhone in Nigeria can into trouble. Maybe the country is anti-technology, we don’t know, but simply walking around with an iPhone can make certain people (read as SARS) get upset and land you in trouble with the police.
9. Tattoos and dreadlocks can get you in jail.
Being a beautiful person with tattoos, piercings and dreadlocks can get you thrown in jail. Certain people (again, read as SARS) are anti-beauty and they’ll profile you and harm you for simply being beautiful and expressive.
10. Offering a stranger stuff with your left hand can get you slapped.
Respect culture is so deeply ingrained in Nigeria for a group of people who are in fact, very rude and it all points back to the whole country being fake.