10 Signs That Christmas Is Near

November 24, 2021

Some people monitor their calendars ahead of Christmas, while others just go about it like it’s just another day,  even though they can’t completely ignore it. Here are some signs that signal the arrival of the sparkly lights and excess jollof rice season.

  1. Mariah Carey and Boney M rise up like Lazarus

These two artists force their way into our lives every Christmas. For millennials and Gen Zs, it’s Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, but for your parents and grandparents, be sure to hear a lot of Boney M starting next week. 

2. Eko Hotel roundabout starts to look like a Christmas lights battlefield

For Lagosians, nothing signals the arrival of Christmas like driving past Eko Hotel and seeing that they’ve turned the roundabout into Father Christmas’ guest house. The moment you see this, you know it’s time to start buying and hoarding chickens before they start adding ₦100 to everything. 

3. Everything becomes expensive AF! 

Someone needs to explain the logic behind this. Every year, once sellers start to smell December, they go on their WhatsApp group and decide to increase their prices. They just feel like it’s time to show us pepper. If you like, walk away, no one will call you back to give you another “last price”. 

4. Everyone and their daddy is having a concert

We know this all too well. Tickets are already on sale. Nothing heralds Christmas more than musical concerts. The tickets usually say 7 p.m., but real ones know that the main artist will probably be turning semo by that time, so it’s best to go at midnight when witches are having their own conference. 

5. Christmas carols services and fundraising everywhere

As if they are competing with the “worldly” crowd, you can count on churches to increase the number of harvests and bazaars they have on their roster. Christmas Carols will also happen nonstop from Monday to Saturday. Anytime you blink, you’ll probably see three kings offering gold, frankincense and crypto coins. 

6. Red and green everywhere!

From those sparkly lights that look like thorns to some of your co-workers’ outfits, be prepared to see a lot of red and green. By mid-December, we doubt you’ll remember any other primary color. 

7. No more sequins in the market

Christmas brings with it a strong Nigerian urge to look like a mirror ball. It’s like everyone wants to shine just in case there’s a power outage. Buy your sequins now before it’s too late. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. 

8. IJGBs are littered around like red sand in Benin

Get ready for a lot of “innits” and “back in the states”, as Christmas is the only time our brothers and sisters in the diaspora decide to visit and flex on us (it’s not easy living in a country that actually works!). After months of trying their hands at Nigerian dance moves and making “My African parent” videos for TikTok, they finally come back for premium rocks and fornication. Want to blend in? Start practising your British-Amerigbor accent now. 

9. You start spending money you don’t have

The Christmas season is when your mouth will convince you that your taste palette has changed, and it’s time to start eating like crazy because it’s detty december.  We’ll advise you to think again. The trumpet won’t blow in December, and don’t forget rent is due at the end of January. A word is enough for the wise.

10. Flight tickets become more expensive than drugs 

Similar to market prices, you can bet that the price of your average flight will double. If you still haven’t bought your ticket by now, omo, to Jesus be your glory o!  

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