What She Said: I Want Out

June 5, 2019

Everyone has a relationship story. Some are sugary sweet with fairytale endings better than Cinderella’s. Some are sad and bitter and will have you crying into a tub of ice cream and cussing out someone’s son at 2 am.

But what if your fairytale ending is not enough? What if you want out, after Prince Charming has slipped your foot into the glass slipper? What do you do then?

This week I talk to a woman who despite having everything she could want out of her relationship is desperately looking for a way out. 

How long have you been together? 

It will be exactly 7 years in August. We started dating in my first year in Uni, he was in his third.

How did you meet?

Lol, there is no exciting story here. We had mutual friends and we were in the same faculty so we bumped into each other every other day. One day we were both hanging out with a group of friends and everyone just started to leave for one reason or the other. It’s not like they planned it to set us up or anything. So, everyone left and it was just the two of us left. We kept on gisting for hours, exchanged numbers and in a couple of months we were dating.

7 years straight?

Yup. No breaks or breakups, no serious fights. We’ve been very steady through out.

Infidelity?

He would never. I know him like the back of my hand. He’s just not that type of person and I’ve never had cause to worry. He’s an ‘Omo Jesu’ so things like that scandalize him.

And you?

Never. I’ve never as much as sent a risky text to another guy. If there is any policy I like to live by, it’s to never go looking for trouble when I don’t have any. So I’ll never even put myself in that type of position in the first place.

7 years, how has that been?

Good. Smooth. We don’t fight. I have gra gra but he’s one of those people who knows how to resolve conflicts quickly and quietly. So when he does something to annoy me, before my vex even starts to build he has already quelled it. And when I do something to annoy him, he calmly explains why he’s annoyed in such a way that I feel stupid for even doing the thing in the first place.

We are good together. After 7 years you tend to do things in sync. So our schedules are always aligned. We are very involved in each other’s families. I’m practically best friends with his sister. He has his own apartment and I live with my parents, but I’m there so often we practically live together. We are that couple that everyone around us likes to call couple goals and harras about getting married.

Marriage talks? 

After dating for 7 years it’s bound to come up. We talked about it last year and agreed that we wanted to wait and further our careers a bit. Because there’s just something about marriages that lets you relax and before you know it a baby had popped up.

Why do you want out?

I can’t put a finger on it. I’m not unhappy but I’m not happy. I don’t look forward to calls or texts or seeing him. It has started to feel like a duty to do these things.

At first, I thought I was just experiencing a very serious case of see finish. Then he had to travel for about three months for work. That’s the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other in years. And I realized I didn’t miss him. There was no point where I found myself counting down the days, eager for him to come back. We were saying all the ‘I love yous’ and ‘I miss yous’ but the truth was I didn’t miss him. I do love him, but it doesn’t feel like the way romantic love is supposed to feel. He is my first boyfriend and it’s not like any other man is bursting my head. I’ve just felt like something very key is missing from our relationship. And I’ve felt that way for a couple of months now. I just can’t shake it.

Talked to him about it?

I haven’t. I couldn’t. What do I want to say to him? That I’m not sure I love him after 7 years? These days a lot of our conversations stir towards our futures and the plans we have. He’ll be talking about his 5-year career plans and he’ll be using words like we and us. ‘When we move into this apartment this is what we’ll do’. ‘I can’t just make x decision I have to think about us’. It’s not like talking to him is going to solve anything. He doesn’t feel the same way I do. He’s still as loving and doting as the first year we started dating.

Are you going to leave? 

I don’t know. No, it makes no sense. I think, whatever this is, might be a phase and I’ll get over it. There are just so many people involved in the relationship now. Our parents have met. In fact, I’m pretty sure our mothers have decided on wedding colours.

Sometimes I think to myself, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you want your happily ever after? Because this is supposed to be it right? Dating then marrying the love of your life. Not everyone wants a happily ever after, but I do and this doesn’t feel like it. I’m not going to leave right now. Might not be this month or this year. But if I can’t shake this feeling I will. To be honest it will be what’s best for both of us. It’s feelings like this that turn into resentment when you are now married with kids and can’t just leave.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 11, 2020

On day 847? of my now self-imposed lock down, while my clothes are charging up for the inevitable post-rona rocks and my body is getting the rest it deserves, my hair is wallowing in a state I like to describe as – I prefer not to speak. From wash days every week, to discovering my […]

Period pain
May 28, 2021

By Oreoluwa Olukorode For most women, period pain was a whole new experience no one prepared them for. From mild discomfort to unconsciousness, five Nigerian Women share their period pain stories and how they have been dealing with it. This was compiled to celebrate Menstrual Hygiene Day which is today, May 28, 2021, as solidarity to […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

leaving their ex
June 18, 2021

Sometimes we get overwhelmed and make decisions we later regret. In this article, seven Nigerian women talk about why they regret leaving their ex.  Tomisin, 25 My ex used to send me not less than 50k every month.  He moved abroad and after two months, he told me he has fallen in love with someone […]

June 18, 2021

People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging […]

June 17, 2021

While smart investing is a sure way to build and retain wealth, it can be a daunting prospect for beginners. In the same vein, it is a lot easier when you understand the various options in which you can invest and ultimately grow your wealth. Here are some options you can consider when taking the […]

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

More from Her

leaving their ex
June 18, 2021

Sometimes we get overwhelmed and make decisions we later regret. In this article, seven Nigerian women talk about why they regret leaving their ex.  Tomisin, 25 My ex used to send me not less than 50k every month.  He moved abroad and after two months, he told me he has fallen in love with someone […]

Acne
June 16, 2021

Dealing with acne is never easy. From random people recommending products to you to the self-esteem dip, everyone has their story. In this article, seven Nigerian women talk about living with acne.  Khloe, 22  I was 14 the first time I noticed acne on my face. It was my first year in university. I didn’t […]

June 16, 2021

The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 25-year-old Nigerian woman who has travelled to over fifteen countries alone. She talks about how this love for travelling started, the way she’s stigmatised at airports and in hotels, and her dream to attend aviation school. What was growing up like? Life was good until […]

menstrual cups
June 15, 2021

As inflation happens and prices of products across the country increase, more Nigerian women are moving away from pads to more sustainable sanitary products. In this article, five Nigerian women talk about their experience using menstrual cups.  Elizabeth, 19 Sanitary pads never did it for me. Getting good sanitary pads was a real struggle for […]

June 11, 2021

How we start our day usually has a paramount effect on how the rest of our day goes. When you love a woman or want to move to a woman you like, it is important you send her beautiful messages to put her in the right mood. Here’s a list of helpful ways on how […]

June 11, 2021

We have written about some of the ways the Twitter ban affects Nigerians. Here’s a list of the ways the ban affects Nigerian women. It will affect their access to: 1. Learning opportunities Twitter has always been a source of information to many women. In an article published yesterday, some women talked about how they […]

June 10, 2021

Feminism is a diverse movement that aims to liberate women and other oppressed groups. Each feminist’s path is different from the next. In this article, I asked eight Nigerian women why they became feminists, and here’s what they had to say:  Kay, 26 I was a feminist even before I knew what the word meant. […]

consequences of teen pregnancies
June 10, 2021

I read a lot of books growing up about the consequences of teen pregnancies and it was always interesting to me how teenagers were treated without a care in such conversations. Nothing about how they feel or how it happened and how to prevent it — just age-old fear-mongering. In this article, four Nigerian women […]

Nigerian female lawyers
June 9, 2021

This week is one of those times where we, as a country, wonder if the constitution is simply a suggestion. Many lawyers have complained of studying and practising law in a lawless state. Like with most issues, women’s experiences take a unique form. In this article, nine Nigerian female lawyers talk about practising law in […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X