A Nigerian Woman’s Guide To Dating Apps

April 19, 2019

It’s very hard to make a case against dating apps. Yes, I know there is the occasional unsolicited penis picture you inevitably get. And men who take on sexual harassment as a full-time job. But all of that comes with conventional dating methods too. 

The only difference is that with dating apps you get to decide who and who isn’t what your time as you take your morning pee. 

While Tinder might be the most popular dating app now There are a slew of options to pick from these days. There’s Bumble that forces the girl to make the first move after you match. And Surulere Love made for Nigerians by Nigerians, that lets you dictate the specifications of your Mr. Right, down to his income bracket.

But like with all types of social media, dating apps have their guidelines. Like how poking a stranger on Facebook is just plain rude. Or how stealing a tweet is almost criminal. For Nigerian women, this is the ultimate guide to using dating apps.

If he looks too good to be true…

Then he is probably a catfish using some D-list celeb you’ve never heard about’s picture. Just so you don’t let one of the very few good ones you’ll come across pass you by because of scepticism. Use this nifty tool called – Google reverse image search to search for his picture. If it doesn’t match a micro influencer with 8k followers living in Abuja then, by all means, swipe right sis.

If there’s just one picture he’s a catfish.

In this case it’s always one of two things. It’s either not his picture, and he’s not John Doe who works in Chevron, but Femi living with his parents in Alagbado. Or it’s the one good picture he took 5 years ago, and he looks nothing like that now.

Beware of group photos.

Don’t swipe right if all his pictures are him in a group photo. Odds are that he’ll end up not being who you think he is. You’ll think you are swiping right on his cousin who looks a little like Idris Elba and you guys meet up and you realise he was actually the Segun to the right of Idris Elba who you didn’t look twice at. 

Say thank you next to ‘no hookups’.

Never swipe right on ‘no hookups’. He’s there for hookups, just not paid hookups. He’s going to take you for one dinner date and act very confused then enraged when you decline to follow him back to his place.

Think before you swipe.  

Maybe you are still hurting from a bad breakup. Or you just haven’t gotten laid in a really long time. Don’t just swipe right on anybody. 10s will become 7s and 7s will become 4s.

Look out for red flags.

Look out for red flag words in your conversations with him. ‘I don’t even get feminism’ is equal to misogynist. ‘I like nurturing women’ is equal to ‘I’m looking for a woman who’s going to cook and clean for me’. ‘It was both our faults’ when describing how his last relationship ended is equal to he cheated on his girlfriend. 

And then look out for even more red flags.

If he has a CV type list of preferences don’t even bother with him. ‘Looking for a God-fearing woman, not taller than 5’ 7″, working class, lover of children and proficient in Microsoft word and excel. You are looking to go on a date, not a job interview. You could agree to a date and he’ll ask you to come along with your references.

Most importantly.

If things go well and you end up agreeing to go on a date with him. No matter how much of a nice guy he might seem like always meet somewhere safe and public. Happy hunting!

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