All Nigerians know how to do during the Christmas season is to ask intrusive questions. Here’s a list of alternative responses for when someone asks you why you don’t have kids. 

1. “My doctor told me my uterus eats babies.”

If you think about it well, it’s actually possible so it’s not like you are lying. 

2. “I’m still a baby please.”

How can a baby take care of a baby? Ko le work. Nah, b. 

3. “I’m waiting for you” 

If they ask what you mean, say “ehn”. 

4. “Kids? Is that some kind of cryptocurrency?”

Let them know you are only interested in making money. Kids who? 

5. “Sorry, it’s not in my manual”

Since we all came to this life with a set of instructions, if having kids is in your manual, it’s not in mine. 

6. “I am waiting for the new software update”

Maybe after the software has been updated I can have kids. Right not, I don’t have the capacity for it. 

7. “The baba told me that if I have kids, the gods will take them”

Let them regret asking you foolish questions.

8. “I’ll have kids when your last born is as old as I am”

It’s now left for them to do the maths. Leave them there to be calculating.

9. “You want to Bam ba?”

The song is so catchy, they will just start singing and dancing along and forget what they asked you.


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