Being a black sheep is mainly dependent on the values your family lives by. These six Nigerian women talk about being the black sheep of their family.
Fego, 25
Both my parents are pastors. So with my hair, my partying, drinking, and dressing, I am the one that doesn’t conform. I neither go to church nor believe in the bible anymore, but they don’t know that. My hair is a major issue right now. I cut it and dyed it yellow, and my mum constantly complains. Especially when I’m home. She says how can she preach against such to her people, and her child openly doesn’t care. I don’t share their opinions on marriage or relationships either. When I told my mum I didn’t want to get married, I’m sure she added another prayer point to her nightly prayers.
Yinka, 18
My parents are Jehovah’s witnesses, and I am not interested in it. My mum expects me to get married as a virgin, but between March and now, I’ve had sex with three different people. I even went to the club this week. The funny part is that they don’t even know this stuff. The only things they know is that I send nudes, and I don’t go to church. If they knew the rest, I would be a dead sheep, not a black one.
Anita
As the first child, I’m expected to train my brothers on morality and religious things, but my principles differ from those of my parents. I’m doing my best in school, but according to my parents, I have character issues. I differ so much from their set standard that I am called deranged and a child of Satan on a daily basis when I’m at home. This is just because I’m feminist, pro-choice, pro LGBTQ, and borderline atheist.
Anu, 25
My stepbrother has a conventional well-paying job and is married with children. I, on the other hand, work a lot of jobs that include me being on my phone or laptop a lot. My mother thinks I am doing fraud. I also left my previous husband, so she is always talking about marriage and settling down.
Sandra, 24
I lived with family a lot growing up. The first time I had a general fight with everyone, I had just gotten back from boarding school, and somehow someone went through my bags and found a picture with myself and some other guys in my class. They called a family meeting on my head. It was weird because I didn’t even have a boyfriend nor had I kissed a boy at this time. They said a lot of things all in the name of trying to make sure that I don’t end up a teen mum like my mother. So, I basically started fighting everyone.
This is a big problem because, in my family, everyone wants to get involved in your life, and they are supposed to not be challenged. Also, I don’t go to church, I wear nose rings, and I like women and men. I never allowed them to tell me what to do with my life. Over time, I think I became invincible to them, or they all just chose to act like I don’t exist. Now, I only meet them at family functions if I choose to show up, and I told my mother to not give anyone my number.
Zainab, 21
I am currently dragging the position of black sheep with one of my cousins. She is an atheist and is in a lovely relationship with a single father. I don’t want to get married and I have a strong aversion to children. I also have tattoos and lots of piercings. When I got my tongue piercing, they called a meeting to discuss how I have spoilt. Now, because I am the one still in Nigeria, they feel they can pop in with their unsolicited advice. It annoys me a lot, and I can’t wait till I leave this country and they can find the next scapegoat, or sheep, or whatever.
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