4 Nigerian Women Share Why They Regret Having Kids

January 5, 2021

After asking some Nigerian women to share why they do not want children, we asked some that do have children if they regret the decision. These four Nigerian women share why they regret having kids.

Abimbola, 44

Maybe regret might be a strong word because I absolutely adore my children, but since I turned forty, I had found myself asking a lot of “what ifs”. I got married when I was 23. By 25, I had my first child. 28, I had my second. 30, I had my third, and 32, I had my fourth. I spent over a decade of my life birthing and raising infants and toddlers. People say that the twenties are the best time of your life, but I spent mine changing diapers, birthing children, and breastfeeding.

My thirties weren’t any better. I had to deal with those small children, school runs, teething, all the other things. Now, I am in my forties and I am dealing with rebellious teenagers. I wonder if I will ever be free from being a mother, and just be an individual. I wish I had forged a career path, done more than go to the University in terms of my education. and just lived. All I really wish, is that I got the chance to live. If I never had any children, I would have probably been able to do more things for me.

Fadeke, 37

I have just one child, and she almost killed me. I got pregnant three years after marriage, at the age of 30. The entire period through the pregnancy up until the birth of my daughter was hell. My husband tried his best, but he could not take the pain away. Nobody could. I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with her. Now? I have type two diabetes. I wonder what my life would be like if I never had her. Being sick for the rest of my life is not something I envisioned for myself. Sometimes when I see my daughter, I feel a type of resentment towards her. I know it is not her fault, but I just get angry and cry. I feel like she stole something from me.

Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

Elizabeth, 30

I had my son when I was 22 years old, as an undergraduate in a school in Nigeria. It was a one night stand, and I forgot to use morning after pills. A month after, I found out I was pregnant. Till now, his dad is nowhere to be found and I’m honestly not bothered. I love my child, but I often wish I didn’t have him. It’s been tough raising him alone with little help from my parents. I often have to split my income into two, with him getting the larger portion. I also haven’t been able to be in a successful relationship for a while now, as most men do not want to be associated with a single mom. Having children in my opinion isn’t really necessary. I can’t make plans without considering him and it’s tiring, exhausting, and painful. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not sure if I’d want to have more kids. Sometimes, I just want him out of my sight and very far away from me. I cry most times and I snap at my son a lot. I often regret doing it, but I can’t help it.

Chidera, 32

When I got married, all the women in my family spoke about how children are a blessing and I thought so too. What they don’t tell you is how children rob you of your dreams. I did not even realise until my seven-year-old asked me what I wanted to be, and then it dawned on me that I was not even close to achieving that dream. When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be an Economics professor. I never got to do my Masters because I became pregnant, then I had to wait for two years to reapply because of breast feeding and nursing. By the time she started school, I got pregnant again. I love my children, but I realised I sacrificed everything for them and that made me resent them just a little bit. I keep wondering what life would have been like without them, and that life sounds more like the dream I had when I was younger. Talking to my husband about it was useless because he could not understand it. He did not have to drop everything in his life to raise children. I did, and I really wish I didn’t.

For more women’s centered stories, please click here

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 5, 2020

When long healthy and beautiful hair is the norm, women choosing to go bald seems like an anomaly. So, we got 7 Nigerian women to talk about the different parts of the bald life; the reasons they made their choice, people’s reactions, hiccups along the way, and funny moments. Funmi, 22 My mother had Cancer. […]


Now on Zikoko

April 14, 2021

Quick-fire camera flashes, hot stilettos and distinct music characterized the cool ambience at the venue of Desperados’ celebrity influencer showcase. The beer brand, which was first launched in Nigeria last December is known to be the charm of celebrities who dared to stand out from the crowd. It was no surprise that Mercy Eke, Timini […]

April 14, 2021

If you could transform your love for music into a full-blown career, which would it be? Let’s give you some pointers. Take this quiz. A career in music means you’ll most likely work to bring amazing stuff like Jameson’s Confluence Project, curated by Mainland Block Party. Go here to stream and enjoy the mashup vibes. […]

April 14, 2021

For the average African man, the assumption is that there’s marriage somewhere on the horizon once they are in the twilight of their late twenties. Playful jests of “when will you marry” start to chime in from all angles. However, not all men believe in for better for worse, nor in death doing them part. […]

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

More from Her

April 14, 2021

The subject of this week’s What She Said is Thelma Egbe, a 28-year-old woman who loves cooking. She talks about growing up in a family where the men and women cooked, growing a food blogging and catering business, and how adulting almost made her stop. What was your childhood like? I spent a part of […]

Experiencing puberty
April 13, 2021

Puberty is described as a gradual switch from childhood to adulthood and also one of the most confusing stages of being human. Although it is characterized by changes like periods, growing breasts and rounding hips, many women experience puberty differently. Here’s what six Nigerian women have to say about experiencing puberty. Fifi, 22 I was […]

April 12, 2021

As Told To Itohan For a while now, I had been asking people what the most interesting parts about their love life. So, when someone reached out to me and said she fell in love with her Uncle, I wondered if I was reading right. The person in today’s As Told To is *Anna, a […]

prayer house
April 10, 2021

As told to Mariam I travelled to Ilorin for an exam last week and on the bus, I rode in, I met Yoma*. Somehow the conversation of faith came up, and she told me she didn’t subscribe to the Christianity practised in churches. When I asked why, this is what she told me: I grew […]

workplace horror stories
April 9, 2021

Working in Nigeria is the ghetto. No shade to my boss. Last week, I asked Nigerian women to tell me the worst things they have experienced working in Nigeria. Here’s what eight of them had to say.  Jumoke, 25  My former boss used to gaslight me, to the extent that I began to doubt my […]

April 8, 2021

You want to know why the Nigerian women in your life do not iron clothes? Well, here are six very simple reasons. 1) Clothes Have you seen the clothes of an average Nigerian woman? Where do you expect them to start the ironing from? With all the ruffles, puffs and pleats. The clothes look like […]

April 6, 2021

The HER newsletter is a weekly Zikoko newsletter that comes out every Saturday by 2 p.m. Since we just got to 2k subscribers, we decided to explain the six types of HER Newsletter readers. 1) The early bird They read at exactly 2 p.m. every Saturday. They have no time to waste. The only thing […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.