Travel Tips For Everyone Heading East This Christmas

Tis the season to pack up a couple of things and head back home to go and spend half of what you’ve earned this year. At least you’ll be doing it with family and friends, drinking palm wine and breathing fresh village air. Even though you make this same trip every year, you somehow always end up making the same mistakes. Well, here’s a friendly reminder of what those mistakes are and how you can avoid them this year.

For goodness sake don’t travel on Christmas Eve.

Every year you promise yourself that you’ll get your shit in order so you can travel early but every year you still end up leaving on the 24th (of December), knowing fully well that you’ll get stuck for hours on Ore road or that they’ll delay your flight till kingdom come.

If you didn’t make your Christmas budget in November like a serious person, you better go and make it now.

You know January is 6 months long. Don’t forget yourself and spend 6 months salary in the village. Except you are fully ready to come back and soak garri until January salary enters.

Pack with sense.

There’s no need for you to pack heaven and earth. How can you be packing garri to take to the village knowing fully well that the one there is fine like powdered milk? I know you are telling yourself it’s to save cost  (so you won’t spend too much on food in the village) but you are only deceiving yourself. You’re still going to buy fresh palm oil and yam when you get there.

If you are going to drive, we take God beg you, go get your car checked.

Yes we all know your mechanic is a thief and he’ll surely find something to use and collect money from you, just give him like that. Better safe than sorry. It’s not enough to just check the water and be going your way.

Don’t travel at night, whatever excuse you want to make for it is not worth it.

When you are a child of light and not darkness, what are you looking for on the road overnight? Except you are not Nigerian, we are sure you know how dangerous it can be.

Anything you want to buy to take home better go and buy it this weekend.

listen love
As you are just buying it this weekend you are even late, but you won’t listen. You’ll still go and buy them a day before you travel as usual

When you get home remember that it’s not everyday you’ll open your door for visitors. That’s the quickest way to rundown your account.

Because Nigerians don’t have shame, if you stay there for a week you’ll find people that’ll resume at your house for breakfast and won’t leave until they eat dinner everyday for that week.

If you are going by air and you haven’t booked your ticket, book your ticket now.

I expect any serious person to have booked it in November but if you are unserious close this page and go do it right now.

Finally, it’s not by force to go. If your spirit is telling you “yes” and your bank account is telling you “no,” you better listen to your bank account.

Don’t worry dear, cheer up. It’ll be Christmas time again before you know it. Last last, you’ll still jam everyone at the next family wedding.