How To Pick A Nigerian Bank That Won’t Kill You

January 10, 2020

Are you in an abusive relationship with your financial provider? – Do atrocities range from unwarranted debits to dubious card maintenance fees? does it also include sending N5.42k interest every month, to even just generally being unfortunate? – come along as we share the best tips on how to avoid rubbish. 2020 must obey.

1) Violently say no to friends/family members/enemies that beg you to open accounts so they can meet a target

From my experience, this never ends well. If you had to open a compulsory Nysc account you have an idea of what I am talking about.

2) If the bank name contains the letter A, brethren please run

Don’t ask us how we know this. It is known.

3) If they are active on social media, run

The only thing social media handlers know how to do is say: “We are sorry for the inconvenience, we are looking into it.” Sorry for yourself.

4) If they are not active on social media, run

Where do they expect us to lodge our complaints? They are not in touch with young people.

5) If they keep offering you a payday loan/ car loan/ study loan, pls run

On what salary for goodness sake?

6) Red flag – if they organize like a yearly festival or a show or anything outside of the banking activities

They will funnel all your hard-earned naira towards paying for these events.

7) If they don’t organize yearly festivals and shows – throw them away

Where do they expect us to meet young, fun people, and also take dope photos?

8) If one of your parents used the bank during their youth, do we still need to advise you on what to do?

Goodluck complaining to members of staff in a bank that is as old as your parents.

9) See, apart from running from banks, pack your bag and run from this country

In all honesty, this is the only chance of survival and eventually picking a stressless bank because everything here is trying to kill you.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.