13 Things That Can Give Nigerians Heart Attack


July 13, 2018

In Nigeria, We don’t celebrate things like Halloween or Friday the 13th, because see, the amount of scary things and bad luck in this country is already enough.

How will I even be celebrating bad thing? God forbid.

It would be nice to explain how and why Friday the 13th is nothing compared to just living in Nigeria everyday of your life.

Friday the 13th ko

You know you have bad luck when you close your eyes on Friday night and just like that, it’s Monday when you wake up!

What did I do to deserve this oh God.

Anyway, You’re up on that monday, rushing to work. “Ojota, yaba, yaba, enter with change o”. You’re in the bus and suddenly, the bus starts shaking, and gbam! it stops.

You’re going to work in legedez benz. Talk about bad luck.

While you are on your walk. From no where, at all, the clouds are getting dark, you start 100m race, but the rain is faster than you.

So you give up and continue a miserable walk in the rain. At least you finally get to the office in wet clothes.

After work, because you don’t want the rain to finish your life again, you take a cab or at least follow your friend who owns a car. Then SARZ stops you.

You know how that story goes.

Let’s talk about the mother of all bad lucks. When your mother tells you to sweep her room, but you’re watching football and forget.

May that not be your portion.

She comes back and meet’s her room unswept. See, just put yourself up for adoption.

because once you hear your name once you are finished. It’s is like a real life horror movie.

“so as we round up, I have to say..” if you’ve never heard a pastor say this, then you don’t go to church. This is a church members worst nightmare because you’re gonna hear it at least 6 more times before church actually ends.

Can I get an Amen?

Now just imagine something happening to our greatest National treasures. Ha! That’s Nigeria’s worst nightmare.

Whatever we all do, we have to join forces to protect Wizkid and Davido, Simple.

Let’s talk about your own personal treasure, you know when your salary finishes 1 week after you collected it. That’s when you know the real meaning of fear.

“hello guy, abeg that 50naira I borrowed you on thursday, please I need it.”

And if you ever want to get your heart broken, just try to check your account balance.

Ha! See, from bad luck to bad mood, to bad day. Everything will just be somehow

Living with a condition called the inability to dance shaku shaku leaves you in fear everyday. Seeing people who are so skilled at the art of shaku shaku showing off everyday.

Oh dear insecurity.

Another really deep fear that scares every Nigerian right now is the possibility of Buhari winning the coming elections again.

God forbid bad thing. But at least you can prevent that by knowing how to get our PVC here.

And the greatest of all these fears is sleeping and waking up and still finding yourself in Nigeria.

“Please let me just go back to sleep. If you wake me up again ehn”

Oh, before I forget, happy Friday the 13th!

Don’t be too scared to tell me what scares you the most about being a Nigerian.

Find Zikoko
wherever you are

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.