The Nigerian Police Is Recruiting: We Want These 7 Interview Questions

August 25, 2020

The Nigerian Police is currently recruiting, and we want a clean slate from the past. These questions must be asked if we are serious about integrity and professionalism in the force.

1. “Are you hopelessly addicted to 50 Naira?”

Obviously, he won’t say he is. But check his eyes, if he describes 50 Naira with so much passion and gusto, and his eyes light up with lust, that’s an incoming thief. He is high on mutilated N50 Naira. Boot him out!

2. “Who Is Kcee? Do you know his brother E-money?

He will try to hide his admiration for Kcee (“Alhaji Bureau de Changer”) and his elder brother E-money. But pay attention to his lips, if he smirks it any suggestively then he’s somebody who will leave the force to open doors for rich people. He’s a door opener, not a police. Get that man out!

3. “Are tattoos from the Devil?”

If he says no earrings, no tattoos and no dreadlocks and anyone who has them on is suspect, that’s a SARS material. He will be a menace on the streets. Sack that man before you’ve even given him a job!

4. “Is virginity Important?”

If he says virginity is a material fact, and that he has to ask about virginity once he questions any girl, that man is going to be a benefit policeman, and a terror to our girls. Sweep him out!

5. Tell him to say “Park”

If he shouts “Parrrrrrrk!”, and the veins in his head is bulging out and his eyes are almost coming out of their socket, that’s a baby tyrant. He will stop every car and tax every driver, even more than Sanwo-Olu. Show that man the exit!

6. “Road or air travel, which do you prefer?”

If he says he “so much” likes road travel and that he likes Nigeria’s rough and rugged inter-state roads, he’s going to be an inter-state extortionist. Decline his application before he extorts all the drivers on Nigerian roads.

7. “Oga or Boss, which is correct?”

If he says he likes calling his superiors “Oga”, you’re looking at a Makanaki. He will start a bribery ring with his “Oga”, and they’ll share it 70-30. He understands how to pay tithe in the Devil’s kingdom. Sack than man, now!

Jara

Check his wrist and see if he’s wearing a wrist watch. If he’s not, he will run away from the crime scene and come back hours after the criminals have gone. He’s a scammer, that one.

But we know the Nigerian Police Force won’t ask these tough questions. That means, God safe us from this incoming batch of members of the police force who will certainly not be our friends, as always.

Doyin Olagunju

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