Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

“Park! You’re guilty of reckless carriage of a heavy load condensed as two trunks right in between your back and your legs, something like an ukwu!”

Okay, the Nigerian police shouldn’t arrest you for that. But these are 5 things that can actually land you in court:

1. Witchcraft

E shock you? You didn’t know witchcraft is a crime in a country that sucks your blood? LMAO.

Well, according to Nigeria’s criminal code, a person who presents themself as a witch either through their statements or their actions is guilty of a misdemeanour and is liable to an imprisonment term of 2 years.

Wahala, truly, is a Christmas gift in the form of a bicycle.

2. Jacitation of Marriage

Jacitation of marriage is an old action in English law where a person can obtain a court order to stop another person from falsely claiming that they are married to them.

Well, Nigeria’s Matrimonial Causes Act recognises it, too. If someone falsely claims that they are married to another person, they are actually guilty of this civil offence.

I wonder how many Yoruba men are licking their lips at this law.

3. Breach of Promise of Marriage

Still on marriage. Do you know that if you promise to marry someone and you eventually fail to, the person can has reasonable grounds to sue you to court for “breach of promise of marriage”?

I’m not making it up. In Ezeanah v. Atta, the court said that once there is the promise of marriage and a party fails to fulfil it, the person is guilty of civil wrong.

Quiz: Are You Marriage Material?

4. Painting Your Car In “Army Green”

Painting your car in “army green” is an offence punishable with 6 months imprisonment in Nigeria. This is a law stated in the Army Colour (Prohibition) Act.

5. Murder

This is not an offence but an exception. You cannot be found guilty of the death of a person if the death occurred after a year and a day of your action, as stated in the criminal code act.

Why? The logic is that whatever you did to kill someone must have expired after one year and a day of your action.

Read: If How To Get Away With Murder Were A Nigerian Show

We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.



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