5 “Normal Things” The Nigerian Police Can Arrest You For

November 15, 2020

Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

“Park! You’re guilty of reckless carriage of a heavy load condensed as two trunks right in between your back and your legs, something like an ukwu!”

Okay, the Nigerian police shouldn’t arrest you for that. But these are 5 things that can actually land you in court:

1. Witchcraft

E shock you? You didn’t know witchcraft is a crime in a country that sucks your blood? LMAO.

Well, according to Nigeria’s criminal code, a person who presents themself as a witch either through their statements or their actions is guilty of a misdemeanour and is liable to an imprisonment term of 2 years.

Wahala, truly, is a Christmas gift in the form of a bicycle.

2. Jacitation of Marriage

Jacitation of marriage is an old action in English law where a person can obtain a court order to stop another person from falsely claiming that they are married to them.

Well, Nigeria’s Matrimonial Causes Act recognises it, too. If someone falsely claims that they are married to another person, they are actually guilty of this civil offence.

I wonder how many Yoruba men are licking their lips at this law.

3. Breach of Promise of Marriage

Still on marriage. Do you know that if you promise to marry someone and you eventually fail to, the person can has reasonable grounds to sue you to court for “breach of promise of marriage”?

I’m not making it up. In Ezeanah v. Atta, the court said that once there is the promise of marriage and a party fails to fulfil it, the person is guilty of civil wrong.

Quiz: Are You Marriage Material?

4. Painting Your Car In “Army Green”

Painting your car in “army green” is an offence punishable with 6 months imprisonment in Nigeria. This is a law stated in the Army Colour (Prohibition) Act.

5. Murder

This is not an offence but an exception. You cannot be found guilty of the death of a person if the death occurred after a year and a day of your action, as stated in the criminal code act.

Why? The logic is that whatever you did to kill someone must have expired after one year and a day of your action.

Read: If How To Get Away With Murder Were A Nigerian Show

We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.


Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Doyin Olagunju

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 22, 2021

Nollywood is the gift that just keeps giving. I obsess over Old Nollywood in particular because I think almost every scene and phrase used in it is simply very iconic. Today, we present four things from Old Nollywood that will make you go WTF. Nollywood Parents Immediately Assuming Their Daughter Is Pregnant Because She Threw […]

April 22, 2021

Jennifer, 28 and Emem, 26, have been dating for eight months. In today’s episode of Love Life, they talk about navigating a lesbian relationship in Nigeria and learning to work together as business partners.  What’s your earliest memory of each other? Jennifer: I was walking back from the gate after seeing my friend off. I […]

April 21, 2021

As told to Femi A couple of weeks ago, I put out a tweet looking to speak with young people dealing with hypertension. Ehimen reached out to me. Our conversation spanned beyond hypertension to other issues. Here’s his story. It all began in my final year at the university when I was 19. I think […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

More from Citizen

April 2, 2021

Today’s subject on Abroad Life started her process to leave Nigeria for the USA for school in 2017 and didn’t leave until two months ago. She talks about how money, COVID and visa problems delayed her travel plans. She also talks about arriving in the USA in the middle of a polar vortex and having […]

March 22, 2021

Victor Emmanuel is a queer Nigerian YouTuber with simple demands: He wants the Nigerian Government to repeal the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act (SSMPA). On March 20, 2021, Victor published a video on Twitter, explaining the reason for his decision. He made it clear that he was going on a hunger strike until the SSMPA […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X