We Ranked Plantain Dishes From Worst To Best

May 15, 2020

After waxing poetic about the versatility of yam last week, someone pointed out to me that plantain deserved the same bragging rights. Spoiler alert my favourite form of plantain is dodo so you already know what’s going to top this list but there are at least eight other ways to enjoy plantain. 

Boiled Plantain 

You can’t go wrong with any type of plantain dish, it’s simply impossible. But given all the other things you could make from plantain I can’t fathom why anyone would decide to just boil plantain. Nothing else. It seems like a terrible waste of potential. 

Plantain Chips 

I like plantain chips, it’s my favourite traffic snack. My biggest problem with it is that it’s so hard to eat. It gets stuck in my teeth, I need a bottle of water at hand and sometimes the plantain is unripe. Stress. Otherwise, it’s great. When I’m talking about plantain chips here though, I’m talking about kpekere, the one you’d buy on Benin/Ore road. Some of the packaged ones come close, but nothing quite beats kpekere.

Roasted Plantain 

I like roasted plantain well enough. With some fried fish and peppered sauce on the side, it’s divine. But does anyone ever wake up and say “you know what I’m going to eat roasted plantain today”. I only every remember roasted plantain when I see it being made. If it’s not on my side of the road and I have to cross to buy it, I probably won’t even bother. 

Plantain Pottage 

I find plantain pottage on its own to be a little too sweet for my liking. The perfect way to enjoy plantain pottage is when you add in a little yam to offset that sweetness. Plantain pottage might not be the greatest type of pottage out there, but it’s a pretty great meal. 

Plantain Fufu 

This one is for people who already appreciate the greatness that is Fufu, people who are yet to see the light can skip this and seek help. For the Fufu, lovers think about the goodness that is light fluffy Fufu paired with your favourite soup hitting your tongue and sliding down your throat. Multiply the shivers that just went down your spine by ten. That’s what Plantain fufu tastes like. For the people who are put off from Fufu mostly because of its smell, Plantain Fufu will change the way you look at Fufu forever. 

Mosa 

One of the most controversial food opinions I hold is that Mosa is the greatest thing in a small chops pack. For the sake of political correctness and so people won’t beat me outside I like to say Puff Puff. But I like to think that this is a safe space, so there I said it, Mosa is the best thing to have ever happened to small chops. 

Gizdodo

Gizdodo is what you get when you combine two bad bitches to make a supreme bad bitch.  I don’t know what sort of experiment led to the creation of Gizdodo but I suspect it’s akin to that of Professor X when he made the Powerpuff girls. An accidental combo that turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to the world. 

Kelewele

Kelewele is like fried plantain with extra steps and a Ghanaian staple. The four essential ingredients are plantain, pepper, ginger and salt. If you like spicy food you might even argue that it’s superior to dodo. However, what is inarguable is that it tastes divine. 

Fried Plantain (Alloco/Dodo)

Dodo is to Nigeria as Alloco is to Ivory Coast, but they are both fried plantain. For the sake of accuracy I’ve decided not to separate Alloco and Dodo as they are both pretty much fried plantain. But I think I’d be doing Alloco an injustice if I didn’t point out that it’s superior to Dodo. Unlike dodo that is fried from plantain in varying degrees of ripeness, Alloco is only fried with the ripest of plantains. So it’s sweet and soft and almost melts in your mouth. 

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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