The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding

September 18, 2015


In Nigeria, the wedding ceremony is now as big (bigger in some cases) a deal as the marriage itself. For some reason, the pressure to impress has suddenly intensified, and those flawless BellaNaija weddings are not helping. So, if you want to throw a ‘I better pass my neighbor’ Nigerian wedding, here are the things you need to know:

1. Mother

Before you start thinking your wedding is about you, turn to your mother. Have you seen her? Good. Now ask her what her plans for the wedding are.

Have you gotten her demands? Good. Now turn to your pastor and ask him what his plans for the wedding are.

Have you made sure he is happy? Good. Now you can actually start planning your Nigerian wedding.

2. Friendships

You’ve heard that your wedding is not about you, abi? Well, it is even less about your friends. So when you’re picking your groomsmen and your bridal train, you really have to shove sentiments aside for the sake of aesthetics.

If your best friend isn’t the appropriate height or skin tone for your BellaNaija photo shoot, you might have to settle for an acquaintance.

You can make it up to them by putting them on the high table.

3. Food

Your Nigerian wedding is not the time to experiment with food. You can try all you learnt from the Food Network on your birthday or anniversary.

Your guests are there for Jollof rice.

Small chops.

…and alcohol.

Do not let them down.

4. Aso-Ebi

This is the entrepreneurial part of your Nigerian Wedding; you have to buy Aso-ebi and then sell it to your guests at an inflated price you deem fit.

Yes it is, no vex.

This serves two purposes. First one is crowd control.

No Aso-ebi, no entry.

The second one is for your honeymoon costs.

Five star hotels in Dubai are not cheap, please.

5. Time

See, Nigerians love God, but no one is coming to your wedding to give their life to Christ.

The church service should be straight to the point.

In fact, don’t expect people to come for that, they’ll be waiting for you at the reception venue.

Yes it is, but expect people to do it anyway.

6. Venue

Don’t stress anybody with your beach wedding fantasies. Just keep it to yourself.

Well, it’s not like your mother will even agree sef.

Just go and rent a big hall, pay an expensive decorator, play loud music and let everybody (except you, of course) be happy.

7. Budget

You have a budget right? Yeah, now tear it up. There is no such thing. Your account balance is your budget.

For every guest, just have 2 extra plates ready.

Nigerians will not RSVP, but they will come with their neighbor, their gateman, and a stranger they just picked up off the street.

So, be prepared.


I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you that the makeup and wedding outfits need to slay. Just go to @BellaNaijaWeddings for inspiration.

Now go forth and plan your Nigerian wedding.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 23, 2016

When I was born, the plan was to be a baby girl for life and literally too. First day I heard… “you suck breast too much, I can’t wait for you to grow up”. But you see, life’s not fair, I started walking and people started throwing around words like “responsible”, “house chore” etc. School […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Stealing
July 2, 2022

Most Lagosians have a Computer Village story; some are hilarious and others are terrifying. They range from buying a phone and seeing semo inside the box when you get home, to having someone shake your hand and realising five minutes later that your phone is gone. If you have a Computer Village horror story, you […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

More from Chopist

June 26, 2022

Foods have different levels of chemistry, much in the same way people do. Beans isn’t any different. If you love beans, then here are seven foods that make the experience even better. Bread If Captain America were a meal, he’d be beans and bread. Nobody knows exactly what makes it so delicious. Is it the […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X