The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding

September 18, 2015

In Nigeria, the wedding ceremony is now as big (bigger in some cases) a deal as the marriage itself. For some reason, the pressure to impress has suddenly intensified, and those flawless BellaNaija weddings are not helping. So, if you want to throw a ‘I better pass my neighbor’ Nigerian wedding, here are the things you need to know:

1. Mother

Before you start thinking your wedding is about you, turn to your mother. Have you seen her? Good. Now ask her what her plans for the wedding are.

Have you gotten her demands? Good. Now turn to your pastor and ask him what his plans for the wedding are.

Have you made sure he is happy? Good. Now you can actually start planning your Nigerian wedding.

2. Friendships

You’ve heard that your wedding is not about you, abi? Well, it is even less about your friends. So when you’re picking your groomsmen and your bridal train, you really have to shove sentiments aside for the sake of aesthetics.

If your best friend isn’t the appropriate height or skin tone for your BellaNaija photo shoot, you might have to settle for an acquaintance.

You can make it up to them by putting them on the high table.

3. Food

Your Nigerian wedding is not the time to experiment with food. You can try all you learnt from the Food Network on your birthday or anniversary.

Your guests are there for Jollof rice.

Small chops.

…and alcohol.

Do not let them down.

4. Aso-Ebi

This is the entrepreneurial part of your Nigerian Wedding; you have to buy Aso-ebi and then sell it to your guests at an inflated price you deem fit.

Yes it is, no vex.

This serves two purposes. First one is crowd control.

No Aso-ebi, no entry.

The second one is for your honeymoon costs.

Five star hotels in Dubai are not cheap, please.

5. Time

See, Nigerians love God, but no one is coming to your wedding to give their life to Christ.

The church service should be straight to the point.

In fact, don’t expect people to come for that, they’ll be waiting for you at the reception venue.

Yes it is, but expect people to do it anyway.

6. Venue

Don’t stress anybody with your beach wedding fantasies. Just keep it to yourself.

Well, it’s not like your mother will even agree sef.

Just go and rent a big hall, pay an expensive decorator, play loud music and let everybody (except you, of course) be happy.

7. Budget

You have a budget right? Yeah, now tear it up. There is no such thing. Your account balance is your budget.

For every guest, just have 2 extra plates ready.

Nigerians will not RSVP, but they will come with their neighbor, their gateman, and a stranger they just picked up off the street.

So, be prepared.

I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you that the makeup and wedding outfits need to slay. Just go to @BellaNaijaWeddings for inspiration.

Now go forth and plan your Nigerian wedding.

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