7 Signs to Remember That There’s Rice at Home

January 15, 2022

Those reminders our mother’s gave us about rice and stew at home makes more sense now. So except you’re a criminal, there’s no way you will see these seven signs without remembering to pack your bags and go home to boil rice.

1. Bottle water is the price of sardine

Anywhere you see water sold for more than ₦200 is a sign to not bother with the menu. How can God’s free gift to man be competing with the price of sardine?

7 Signs to Remember That There’s Rice at Home

2. There are bouncers at the door

Once they put hefty people to separate the broke, broque and rich, just go home and light your gas. Those restaurants know exactly who they want sitting inside, so maybe take a hint.

7 Signs to Remember That There’s Rice at Home

3. There’s Bistro or ‘La’ attached to their name

If you see any fancy addition to their name that is stressful to pronounce, don’t even try to enter. You’ll probably end up helping them with plates at the back or mopping the floor when they close.

7 Signs to Remember That There’s Rice at Home

4. There’s no Indomie on the menu

First of all, there’s nothing less than ₦10,000 then you’ve scanned every part of the menu and can’t even find Indomie to manage. You just need to fold their menu and return home. 

5. Everywhere is white

If you want to roll with the big boys and forget the rice you cooked at home, just enter a restaurant painted all white and watch the Lagos big babes and influencers take over.

6. Agege bread has turned to burger

Let’s just say, if they have the guts to tamper with Agege bread, they will come for your wallet and send you to your village. My dear, go home.

7. There’s a chef flipping pan in your front

When you see the chef cooking in the middle of the restaurant, just know anybody eating there is into crime. They will call it fine dining, but it’s really broad daylight robbery because they will bill you and your ancestors.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 18, 2022

Apart from not being able to find shoes their size, tall Nigerian women often deal with comments like “you are too tall for that dress” or questions like “will you marry a short man?” In this article, Chigozie talks about how to be a tall girl in Nigeria. 
Read here:

Recommended Quizzes

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

More from Chopist

November 16, 2021

If it’s creamy, icy and from Cold Stone, then you can bet your ten fingers on these six feelings. But…only ice cream lovers can totally understand. 1. Calmness That co-worker who always seems calm even under stress is probably a big ice cream fan. They won’t tell you the secret of course. 2. Creamtastic What […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X