2. “Let me carry you, I’m sure you don’t have any weight”
Of course. I am not made of matter. I have no weight and I occupy no space.
3. “Look at you, you’re just skin and bones”
Hello! Who asked you?
4. “Tini beku…longitude”
Just…shut up. Like, shut up.
5. “Your stomach is so flat it’s like a table”
Come and draw on it now. Oya, come.
6. “Why are you exercising? Do you want to disappear?”
Because they told you exercise is for only fat people abi?
7. “You should be a model”
You should just keep quiet. So because I am skinny means I have a career in modelling abi?
8. “But why are you so skinny?”
Like, why? Just answer me.
9. “You should be eating more”
You should be minding your business.
10. For women: “Don’t worry, when you get pregnant you’ll become fatter”
Who asked you?
11. For men: “Don’t worry, when you get married you’ll become fatter”
Can you mind your business?
Remember when our dear Senator Dino Melaye shocked Nigerians with his singing and choreography skills?
You probably thought he was the only legislator with a future in the entertainment industry when his time chopping Nigeria’s money is finally over. But you were wrong.
Yesterday, this Ebonyi state lawmaker served some hot dance steps that had us completely shell-shocked.
Like, COMPLETELY.
Maria Ude Nwachi, an Ebonyi State House of Assembly member, posted not one but TWO videos of herself dancing to KCee’s “Talk and Do” on Facebook.
In the video, she’s doing a kind of dance move that looks like what would happen if Michael Jackson ate too much akpu and forgot how to moonwalk.
Then at some point she came so close to the camera like she wanted to fight.
Infact, it’s just better you watch the whole thing yourself.
And just in case you were not completely sure or you had forgotten all about Dino Melaye’s singing and choreographic prowess, here’s a recap:
We know that politics is a messy game and politicians can never be trusted. When it comes down to it, they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear that will get you to put your guard down.
And then after they’ll come and be doing you anyhow.
Their campaign speeches and posters are always full of promises. Then when they get into power, they’ll start to change mouth.
Just look at these 12 campaign posters from the 2015 elections and see all the lies that full everywhere.
Bros Ambode promised to “make Lagos work for all”, but the people of Otodo Gbame community beg to disagree. Lagos is not working for them at all. Like, not one bit.
So many promises for “a better society”, but markets are getting demolished “by mistake”. Is it fair? No, is it fair?
These ones promised us electricity, affordable kerosine and security. How much more electricity and kerosine have we had? Just how much more secure do we feel?
Zero corruption? Discipline? Of who? By who?
Are our passports not still being made in Malaysia? And what about the GEO bill that has been lingering in the Senate forever? What is being done about it?
Maybe this campaign poster was seeing into the future, because it cannot be a representation of any kind of reality; whether past or current. Which inflation went down? Is it the one in formerly rotund bellies heavy with food? Okay, okay…maybe it’s that one.
Eyss, just move away with your nonsense trust. Is it you that cannot trust Naija doctors to take care of you? We should now trust you to do what? You’re looking for our trust, where is your own?
Erm..there’s sha still bad roads now. Infact, worse roads sef. So…hafa?
I’m not even sure which generation they’re talking about.
Which good term? No vacancy ko, no accommodation ni. Isn’t it another person that is there now?
This one is just a big WAWU! All the many incidences of Fulani Herdsmen attacks and religious killings, how many have been addressed personally by the Government? Abeg, abeg…comot for here.
Hmm! Only saviour indeed! In that case Nigeria is already doomed then. If her
“only saviour” has left for medical checkup. How will we ever survive? Who will deliver us?
Nigerian politicians are just one kind, and this next post is proof:
Based on the responses, we can conclude that regardless of the tribe, Nigerians are just not nice people.
From Yoruba to Igbo to Ibibio insults, here are the seven craziest ones we got:
Wonbiliki wobia!
Baruwa Adetutu Adesola
This is a Yoruba insult for a person that likes food. But is is a crime to like food? Is it?
Oponu po tea
Biya ‘beebee’ Abiola
It’s a Yoruba insult that means fool. Again, these Yoruba people ehn!
Anu ofia ka gi nma
Zee Ching-yin
An Igbo insult that means, “a useless animal is better than you”. But, how? How can you even say something like this to someone? How?
Anuofia!!!efulefu!!!
Nwamaka Edith Amadi
It’s an Igbo insult, but we’re not entirely sure what it means. It sounds very hurtful though. The kind of thing that’ll just make you sit down and think about your life.
Alapa stainless
Omowumi Adeleke
A Yoruba insult that directly translates to “one with a stainless arm/hand” and is used to insult a lazy person. But how do you even use stainless steel to yab somebody sha? How?
Okponu Dokpemu and sule gbefe
Dammie Rhema Ogunjimi
These ones are Yoruba insults which we’re sure in the true fashion of Yoruba insults will just pain you to your chest.
Otoro gba gbue ka gi
Zee Ching-yin
An Igbo insult that means, “may you die of uncontrollable running stomach.” This one is just harsh. Not nice at all. As in, at all.
Nton mkpo
Bright Udoh
An Ibibio word that means Idiot. If you don’t speak Ibibio, you’ll be thinking they’re giving you nickname.
Nkita la’cha ike gi
Zee Ching-yin
An Igbo insult that means, “May a dog lick your butt.” And I ask once again; But why? Why? Why??
Ebe achi!
Emmanuel Ogwuche
An Idoma insult that means bush meat/foolish person. If you did not know the word, you’ll be thinking they want to give you food, not knowing that they are yabbing you.
And now, here’s a post on childhood insults that’ll make you remember the old days.
My people, it is not easy being a confam baby boy.
You see, everything has to be on fleek. Hair; check. Clothes; check. Shoes; double check.
You’ve got to get all the girls tripping from a mile away.
When they see you coming, they have to feel your hawtness instantly.
So that before you even start to talk to them they’ll just be like:
But living that “always on fleek” life is not easy o.
Being a baby boy has its own wahala.
And sometimes, life will just come and mess up something for you.
Don’t believe? Just see my story:
That was how one day I was cruising around by my baby boy self. Doing some Yoruba demon prowling. You know. Regular stuff.
Then I spotted this fiiiiiiiine chick!!
I was like:
And as the on fleek baby boy that I am, I walked up to her and instantly laid down my moves.
I knew my shit was already working cause she was looking at me like:
So I decided to quickly seal the deal.
We went to one secluded garden place and sat on a bench.
It was dark and I did not check the place before sitting down. But I was like, whatevs. MISTAKE!!!
That was how, ten minutes into the talk I started feeling something moving inside my leg. But I shook it off.
Eez nothing eez nothing. But the moving did not stop.
Then suddenly, something chooked me inside my leg. I did not want to jump and scratch it so I just used guy.
That’s how I now used my phone light to check the bench and saw all the ants holding themselves on top of it:
I could not hold myself. I jumped from the bench and screamed. The babe was looking at me like this:
Bros. Hafa na?
I forgot I was outside. I removed my clothes so fast I could have won a world record.
When I finished checking that the ants were no longer in my clothes. I dressed up again and just left the place.
I didn’t bother to get the girl’s number. I didn’t need any reminders of that embarrassing moment.
All through that week I really sat down to think about this my baby boy life.
But no, I cannot stop. I’m a Baby Boy For Life!
Maybe I wouldn’t have had such a bad toasting experience though if I had read this next post on how to toast Naija boy style.
