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  • It is a fact, Nigerians on social media are savage and have zero chill. If you come for them, they will drag you all over the face of the Internet.

    Which is what they are doing to a certain American singer.

    So here’s what happened:

    A couple days ago, this American singer, Pia Mia (not to be confused with Ota Pia Pia) released a song titled, “I’m a fan” with another singer, Jeremih.

    The problem was, Phyno also had a song with the same title released in an album late last year.

    Yes o. But that’s not all.

    Pia Mia’s song was now very similar to Phyno’s song. In fact, eez like almost the same thing.

    It’s very true o.

    And naturally, when Nigerians found out they started shouting.

    “THIEF! THIEF! THIEF!”

    They first proved that something fishy was going on.

    Then trolled the poor girl’s page and refused to leave.

    They screamed “OLE!” from the rooftops.

    And even followed Ota Pia…sorry Pia Mia on every social media platform in order to sufficiently DRAAAG her.

    They even dragged poor Jeremih together with her.

    But is it his fault? No be collaboration dem call am to collaborate?

    But the funny thing with all of this dragging is that the song sef is not even really Phyno’s own.

    Appaz, he collected the song from somebody.

    Who now later sold it to Pia Mia.

    You can read the whole thing here sha.

    That is to say, Nigerians have just been shouting for nothing.

    No wonder even Phyno sef no put mouth talk. E just put smiley face on top of Twitter as if to say e just dey observe.

    Nigerians like to just drag people anyhow. That is how they dragged Naija Employers too:

    https://zikoko.com/gist/nigerians-are-dragging-nigerian-employers-on-twitter-and-it-is-hilarious/

  • The news of Banky W and Adesua Etomi’s engagement quite literally broke the Internet.

    It got all of us in our feels.

    Then he wrote a song for her and everyone thought it was absolutely beautiful.

    Now the video for that song is out and it is a guaranteed tear-jerker.

    See ehn, you wee cry…or at least feel like crying.

    Seriously, if you don’t have a boo before watching it, you’ll start to look for somebody to love.

    If you do have a boo, you’ll start to wonder why he isn’t romantic like this.

    If you have a boo but he’s also someone else’s boo, you’re on your own.

    If you’re a guy, you’ll start to cry because you know Bros Banky just set the bar veeery high.

    Really, you might want to grab a box of tissues or your mother’s wrapper before watching this one:

    We can’t wait to see more of Bubba and Susu, here are five reasons why:

    https://zikoko.com/list/5-reasons-why-we-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-party-2/

  • Since the beginning of time, Nigerian Jollof has been in competition with Ghanaian Jollof.

    The battle has always been fierce. Keenly contested. But Nigerian jollof always comes out victorious.

    Ah mean, of course.

    So it was shocking.

    Ah mean, confusing.

    Even sacrilegious sef.

    When this person went to go and compare Nigerian jollof with Liberian jollof:

    https://twitter.com/ForeverQueena/status/867127491789541377

    Like…

    Ex-cuuuse me????

    And of course, the thing was also confusing many people:

    https://twitter.com/OlaamideA/status/867627604458733568
    https://twitter.com/taddiepayne/status/867800249640898562

    Like, when did Liberian jollof even enter the battle?

    So of course, trust Nigerians not to take this slant sitting down.

    This is SPAR…sorry, this is NIGERIA!

    Naija for the win! What you talking about?

    Nigerian jollof has gone Double Plat’num baby!

    Wee you put some respek on that jollof!

    When will the rest of Africa learn that you just don’t play with Nigerian jollof rice anyhow. It’s not a joking sturvz…Put some respek on that jollof!

    https://zikoko.com/list/21-tweets-that-are-too-real-for-nigerians-who-love-jollof-rice/

  • 1. When they give you an 8 o’clock appointment but won’t show up till ten.

    So this is where I will spend my entire day?

    2. After showing up late, they use another one hour to sweep and arrange the place.

    Could you please just hurry up?

    3. When you go to retouch your hair alone and they start asking you if you want to fix nails, do make up and buy aso ebi too.

    I did not come here to attend owambe, I just want to make my hair.

    4. When they don’t know the hairstyle but instead of saying so they start to do nonsense on your head.

    Is it by force?

    5. When they start combing your hair like the devil is hiding inside it.

    No. No. What is you doing?? No.

    6. When they’re making your hair and start pushing it anyhow.

    Please na.

    7. When they pour lottabody on your hair just because of setting.

    It’s not enough, why don’t you add more? Let me kukuma know that I want to be swimming  in setting lotion.

    8. When they finish washing your hair and your shirt looks like you just took a swim.

    Did I tell you I want to take a bath?

    9. When you tell them you just want a trim and they decide to give you a big chop.

    Did. You. Just. Cut. All. My. Hair?

    10. When they leave your hair halfway to attend to their “customer” who just walked in.

    Is this life?

    But really, having a bad hairdresser is one thing, having a bad hair day IS the absolute worst:

    https://zikoko.com/list/10-things-that-happen-when-youre-having-a-bad-hair-day/
  • We always tell guys to “shoot your shot”. Set that P. Seize that bae. Slide into that DM. History has made men the initiators of love and relationships.

    But that history is changing. Men aren’t the only ones taking a bold move. Women are coming out to stake their claim as well.

    However, according to this guy, it appears we’re doing a shitty job at it.

    If you’re a lady and you’re trying to shoot your shot by liking all of a guy’s pictures and tweeting at him, you’re doing it all wrong.

    He just won’t plain see it.

    If you want to successfully shoot your shot, you’re going to have to be VERY obvious with your signs. Just, maybe not this obvious:

    https://twitter.com/_clvrarose/status/867447272342253569

    If you’re going to try and shoot your shot, maybe don’t start a convo like this:

    And know that liking his pictures on IG isn’t enough:

    https://twitter.com/Lord_Lightskinn/status/867491312374865920

    You also shouldn’t expect him to get the hint just because you RT or like his tweets.

    https://twitter.com/dephrank/status/867431866219073536

    Generally, just don’t bother trying to drop any hints. Guys don’t see them.

    https://twitter.com/_HeroOfStLouis/status/867496030308376576

    You have to be as clear as day. No dropping small small hints like salt bae.

    Instead, go straight to the point.

    Appaz, “Hey, big head”, is also a good way to go.

    But wouldn’t life be easier if guys could just take a damn hint already!

    Seriously guys, you might want to pay more attention to the people liking your tweets.

    Don’t come and be a slacking pant like this one:

    The truth is, when a girl likes a guy, she just tries to respect herself. Just see:

    https://zikoko.com/list/25-things-happen-like-boy-youre-trying-respect/

  • In case y’all didn’t know, you need to know now, Nollywood is not your mate.

    Yes, ashuali, I do. Ah mean, just look at this movie, Banana Island Ghost, it’s got everything…

    It’s got a dead guy…

    Like, no white cloth…no powder on the face… nuffin. Isn’t that just the hottest Nollywood dead guy you ever saw?

    It’s got God…

    See Baba God stunting in white jalabiya and cap! Ah men! Move over Morgan Freeman, we’ve got a new god here!

    AND it’s got an Indian ninja!

    Yes. Daz right. She’s Indian and she’s a ninja.

    It’s also got Chigul, so you know you’ll laugh till you cry.

    And then there are some kick ass fight scenes that we promise you will not see coming.

    You know what, just even watch the thing:

    Have you seen this video? We promise it’s the second craziest thing you’ll see today:

    https://zikoko.com/gist/video-pastor-kissing-lady-flock-wait/

  • 1. Mr/Mrs Money Bags

    These are always our favourite kinds of visitors. The big aunties and uncles that always come armed with goodies and never leave without dropping “something” in your hand when they’re leaving. Stomach infrastructure so on point it’s like they all attended the Fayose School of Stomach Infrastructure.

    2. The FFO (For Food Only)

    These ones will visit your house for the food. It’s all about the food. They will time it to arrive just when lunch is being prepared so that you will have no choice but to add their mouth join.

    3. The Picky Eaters

    These ones will refuse everything you offer them. They are either watching their weight or height, and if they even end up agreeing to take something, they will never finish anything you serve them.

    4. The Poke Nosers

    These ones can’t keep their opinions to themselves. They have an opinion on everything. From how you cook your food to how you discipline your children. Uncle, who asked you?

    5. The Unannounced Visitor

    These ones will never call or text or even “Wuzzup” before coming around. They’ll just show up, like Judgement Day, and start giving you wahala trying to think of what to offer them, getting where they will sleep ready and everything.

    6. The “I Just Dropped By” Visitors

    These ones are not so bad. Their visit is always quick. It usually starts and ends at the door. They just sha wanted to see your face that you’re alive and they’re gone. Finish. O pari. Shikena. No stress to go and start buying coke and groundnut.

    7. The Freeloader

    They might have come into your home for a visit, but before they leave they will become a part of the family. They will enter your house with one small bag, then before you know it, their possessions have full everywhere and they do not want to leave again.

    And now, here’s a post on the 7 kinds of people you’ll meet at the ATM:

    https://zikoko.com/list/7-kinds-people-youll-meet-atm/

  • 1. When you’re living alone, everyone thinks you’re enjoying because you’re no longer under your parent’s rules but you’re really just suffering.

    2. You realise that paying rent is only one of the many things you will be spending money on.

    3. You’re too tired to pick up after yourself but you realise there’s no one to do it for you.

    4. You get so lonely you start talking to yourself.

    5. And you get so bored you actually pick up a hobby.

    6. Cooking for one is always annoying and your food always goes to waste.

    7. If you don’t cook you’ll have to either have food delivered (just one more thing to spend your money on) or drink cornflakes or garri to sleep.

    8. There’s no one to take care of you when you’re sick.

    9. And when you hear a sound in the middle of the night there’s no one to go check it for you.

    If you think living alone is bad, just see what it is like to be female, single AND live alone:

    https://zikoko.com/list/everything-happens-youre-single-female-live-alone/

  • 1. “I will never call my ex again”

    Well, guess who’s calling their ex?

    2. “I will never use (insert your most frustrating network provider here) ever again”

    Then the network comes up with some ridiculously amazing tariff plan and of course, guess who’s buying a recharge card?

    3. “Data is so expensive! I’m not buying data ever again!”

    Yeeeaahh…right…

    4. “I’m never drinking (insert favourite soda here) ever again”

    Guess who’s buying a bottle of coke for lunch?

    5. “I’m never drinking alcohol ever again”

    We all know how that ends. TGIF and a bottle of Orijin…without the zero.

    6. “I’m never going on Twitter ever again”

    Uh…yeah…sure

    Now if you like food very very much, this post is just for you:

    https://zikoko.com/list/9-things-happen-like-food-much/

  • 1. When you’re sleeping and you smell food coming from the kitchen:

    2. You hurrying back home at lunch time:

    3. When you say “come and eat” out of politeness and the person goes to get a spoon:

    4. When your favourite bukka reduces their serving size:

    5. When somebody says, “you like food too much”

    And what’s your own?

    6. When you’ve just finished breakfast but you’re already thinking about what to have for lunch:

    7. When your boyfriend thinks you’re upset with him but really you’re just hungry:

    Really, it’s not you babe, I just want food!

    8. When you go to a restaurant and they’re having a buffet:

    9. “Snack break” is really a mini lunch:

    If you love food, then you’ll love this:

    https://zikoko.com/list/true-foodies-will-totally-drool-colourful-potato-pottage-jos/