Follow This Survival Guide to Live On your Last ₦1000

Dave Chappell - I'm broke

Nobody ever knows how they get broke. One minute, you’re gallant, then you sneeze and you have only one thousand naira left in your account.

Just because we care, we’re here to help you figure how to stay alive in those trying times.


Plan your spending to the last dime

I'm on a budget baby

200 naira worth of garri. Four bags of pure water. 100 naira airtime for your phone. 100 naira for transport. 200 naira for contingencies.

Should keep you alive for a week or two.


Lock yourself inside.

Alone is my best friend.

Do you know what’s waiting outside? Bills. Invoices. And that woman on your street that suddenly remembers you took a crate of eggs from her on your way home from work last week.


Develop a sickness

I'm sick plus

If there’s ever been a time to be ill, it’s now. Except this is an illness that is completely within your control. It will help you avoid spending money on transport to work, and depending on how serious your matter is, you can use it to crowdfund yourself out of poverty.


Create a ‘Songs for the Broke’ playlist

Burna Boy Ye

Featuring everything that Brymo and Ade Bantu have ever made. Why?  Because Wizkid and Davido will remind you of all the money you don’t have.


Do as little as possible

Don't you just get? I'm lazy.

Think of it as putting your phone on airplane mode to conserve your battery. Be guided. Broke people don’t have any right to be energetic.

Please remain guided because some people are funny and that’s when they start doing somersault in their living room.


Do not eat when you feel like

Eat when real hunger is actually finishing you.


Pray.

Holy Lord!

Because at this point, only your God can help you.


Lastly, use your head properly.

Track where your money is going, so you can plan more effectively. That way, you know how to prepare better.

 

Don’t say we never did anything good for you.