As a social media manager, you’re the reason why people know about a brand. You go out of your way to create schedules and engaging /creative content that keep people coming back to the page.
Some are funny and know how to read the room, but some cough A*sos cough don’t.
Anyways, here are some of the struggles of the not-so-glamorous life of a social media manager.
1. You feel like you’ve made it in life when people are retweeting, sharing or liking all your posts.
Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.
Nigerians could reverse 21 years of democratic gains with the passage of the social media bill. In fact, over the past few weeks, there has been renewed talks about the passage of the “Protection From Internet Falsehood and Manipulations Bill 2019”, popularly known as the “social media bill”.
Once the social media bill comes to live, anything you say on social media about the government will land you in jail. That’s their plan. #NoToSocialMediaBill
Meanwhile, this is a complete timeline of the “Protection From Internet Falsehood and Manipulations Bill 2019”:
1. November 5, 2019 — Second Reading
On Tuesday, November 5 2019, senator representing Niger East senatorial district, Muhammed Sani Musa, introduced the “Protection From Internet Falsehood and Manipulations Bill 2019” on the floor of the senate.
While introducing the bill on the floor of the senate, he stated that the goal of the bill was to promote “national unity”. Explaining further, he stated, “I as an individual may decide to remain in my room or office and then draft something I know very well is false because I want to hit at someone. I will decide to draft and throw on social media. Waiting few seconds, it’s on there. Before you know it, it has been shared all over. I have a passion for IT and I know what it takes to disseminate your information, it is like the speed of light”.
The bill stipulated a fine of N300,000 or an imprisonment term of not more than 3 years, or both, to anyone who is guilty of “online harms”, including the transmission of statements that is likely to be “prejudicial to public health, public safety, public tranquility or public finances”.
The bill also empowered the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) to issue an “access blocking order” to internet access providers to disable access by end-users in Nigeria to the online location, amongst other provisions.
2. Committee Stage
The bill went to the committee stage after the second reading.
At the committee stage, the senate fixed the public hearing of the bill for March 9, 2020.
At the public hearing of the bill, civil society members laid out key reasons why the bill could not be passed. The Nigerian Communications Corporation (NCC) and the Broadcasting Organisation of Nigeria (BON) stated that the bill’s provisions were already in previous legislations like the Cybercrimes Act of 2015 and the Penal code.
The chairman of the Broadcasting Operation of Nigeria (BON) stated that the bill was “undefined and misleading”, and that it was not necessary.
3. Third Reading
The Bill is currently with the senate committtee on communications, after which a report will be made to the senate.
We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.
You’re never laughing out loud when you type this. Hell, half the time, you probably never even find the thing you’ve been sent funny. I’m pretty sure you just type it to make the other person feel better. You might feel like the end justifies the means but a lie is a lie, you liar.
The best you probably do when you type this is a breathy chuckle. And the last time I checked, a breathy chuckle wasn’t enough to separate your ass from your body, you deceiver.
This one is super annoying because it’s a two-for-one lie combo. You’re not laughing and you sure as hell don’t even have a fat ass. Go do some squats, you fabricator.
Another two-for-one lie combo. Not laughing and not rolling on the floor. Drop to the floor and gave me 20 HA-HAs right this instant, you fibber.
Did you really scream if your neighbours (who couldn’t care less for you but just don’t want to write police statement if you die mysteriously) don’t come knocking at your door to make sure you’re ok? Make some noise, you phoney.
Where are the tears? Where is the snot? If you’re not serving Viola Davis realness, I don’t want any part of it, you fraud.
Stop appropriating asthma culture, you con artist.
And yet there you are, still alive and kicking. What do you have to say for yourself, you fucking trickster??
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing. This is Naira Life. All subjects in this series have chosen to remain anonymous. We’d like you to respect that.
In a little over five years, he’s made a decent living off having ideas and making them travel with people, or for having a depending stream of Instagram comments. Over and over. People like him are called influencers, and this #NairaLife is exploring how the engine works.
Let’s start from when someone first offered to pay you as an influencer.
There are layers to this, layers because I think the first time I actually made money was when I realised that someone was willing to pay to reach my followers. The first time was when someone offered me ₦20k a month just to talk about his brand.
But the real possibilities unlocked for me when someone reached out via email – he’d been trying to reach me apparently – and he said he had a campaign for me at a telco. That gig was ₦200k, and this was 2014.
What did they want you to do?
Just tweet for a couple of days and attend an event. That was the highest money I’d ever made at one at the time, and it just opened my mind to the possibilities proper.
Let’s pretend I have no clue. How does this even work?
I think it has evolved over the years. In the beginning, you were supposed to be just like a billboard, sharing content and all. But to be honest, I realised early that it wasn’t for me. I’m a creator and I wanted my voice to shine too. I started being selective with gigs and being careful about the kind of content I put out.
I started rejecting more, and choosing only things that seemed immersive – I worked at a 9-5 at the time. For example, if you want me to talk about a product, I must use it that product. If you can afford to pay me, then you can afford to give me the product.
So generally, the brand needs the audience and platform, you have the audience. The brand wants to reach them. The brand pays you, and you get the job done for them. Everybody is happy.
Talking about money, tell me about your best gig.
Omo, it depends o. A branch reached out – a pretty big FMCG – and asked me to be on a campaign. So I brought in some of the biggest influencers in Nigeria. I was one of them too, and when you combine how much I was paid, and how much I got as a commission over a cumulative 3 months, I made about ₦6.5 million.
Another one, they asked me to attend an event, posted two tweets, and got ₦200k. Very light work. I consider this one my most lucrative deal, based on the scale of work.
Then a third one was for a program I got invited to. I got sponsored to attend a training outside Nigeria. When you do the math, plus the ₦1.5 million in cash I got, I’d say it cost them about ₦8-₦10 million to engage me. So while the course wasn’t necessarily about influencing, I know I was invited because I’m an influencer.
This is by far my biggest experience and exposure.
Salary earners mostly think of income on a monthlly basis. Wage earners on a weekly basis. How do you and your colleagues think about income?
Because of how frequently campaigns come, I really can’t think too much about structured income on a weekly or monthly basis. For example, I know someone that’s automated ₦20k daily deductions to his savings app. Another person does up to ₦30k.
So yeah, for some people, it’s easy to plan. For me, not so easy. Sometimes, I could get only one campaign in a month or even none. Sometimes, nothing. Sometimes I have a flood, that pays me enough to not look elsewhere for a while.
Also, there are other things I do, so influencing won’t always be my primary source of income.
What else are you doing?
I work with a Digital agency too. That means that I’m working with some of these brands on their campaigns. Helping with Branding and design, and some development work. Also, besides influencing work, I’m also a coordinator of influencers. There’s a thin line, but every now and then, I get to be in the campaign. So you could call that Talent management. I also have a couple of retainers here and there.
How much does this fetch you in a month these days?
Again, because it’s not stable, in a normal month I’d get between ₦500k and ₦1 million, but if I really really try to even out how much I make in a year to a monthly average, it’d be about 1 million a month.
Let’s travel back to your days of fewer zeros and bills. What’s your oldest memory of money?
Ah, it was one time, when we used to live in a “face me, I face you.” One of my neighbours was a bodybuilder, so much so that he actually travelled abroad for a competition once. When he came back, he shared money amongst all of us. I got ₦20 – this was in the early nineties and I was at most 5 years old.
Shout out to that bros. What about the first thing you did for money?
Oh, this one was for an important fee in school, and we didn’t have money to pay. So I had to do some selling petty things to raise money for it. That money was less than ₦2k.
How does this type of leap change affect how you think about money?
Man, it’s a lot of things. First of all, it’s empathy. I understand struggle. I understand poverty. I never look down on people. I’m always trying to put myself in people’s shoes. I’m quite prudent now. I don’t know how to splurge. Like, I stay in a small place, compared to what I earn. It’s only recently I started spending more.
Rather than spend on myself or take things I can afford, I’d rather send money to people or family, instead of myself. You know, I have to marry someone who knows how to enjoy money, because I don’t know how to. Because of my background.
What’s something you want right now, but can’t afford?
I want to buy a house. But the type of house I want, I can’t afford it.
Do you ever wonder what the future looks like financially?
No idea. I kid you not. I just hope I have some stability. While I’m comfortable, I’ll sleep better if I can answer this questions with numbers, not hope. I’m at a crossroads in life right now. And each path has its own possibilities.
But potential outcomes are that; I relocate to my real country or marry someone with a better passport. It could be public service in Nigeria or expanding my business portfolio to include marketing, film production.
This is interesting.
Are you trolling? 5 possible paths when I’m near 30?
Hmm, so you worry about age. Tell me about it.
There are a lot of things. Considering my ‘brand’, there are a lot of things I can’t do anymore. The competition is stiffer now. Younger creators are doing amazing stuff. For me to play in that space, I have to do something different. I worry that as I’m growing older, the opportunities become scarce. So I need to figure out the path.
It’s interesting that you mentioned creators. They clearly play a key role in how we consume entertainment. How much will you say a Taooma would charge for a skit?
Okay, let’s say I’m sending an email to my boss after this story goes live to tell him I’m not doing again. I want to become an influencer. What are my chances of making it?
One thing Social Media has taught me is that nobody knows the next big thing or person. Mr Macaroni started making skits late last year, look at him today.
I don’t know what your chances are, but for anyone who wants to be an influencer, the important questions are; what do you want to influence, how and who is your audience?
Fair enough. Since influencers are mostly driven by what brands pay, and brands aren’t generally in a good place right now because of coronavirus, what’s the scene like the days?
It’s affecting everyone, but some influencers are not as hard hit as others. Brands still want to connect with an audience, so yeah. It’s slow, but it’s not dead-dead. Take for example, I already ‘lost’ four campaigns worth a cumulative ₦1.2 million.
Can’t say why, but everywhere suddenly feels hot around me. Anyway, what was stocking up for the lockdown like for you?
I really don’t know for sure, but I spent less than ₦50k. Wht I currently have should last roughly three weeks if I don’t leave the house, and if I have light. I usually always have food sha, so stocking up was just to make sure all bases are covered.
Many things have stopped, but what expenses haven’t stopped for you?
Rent, of course. Although that is paid annually; ₦500k. I’m moving soon though, so that might climb. Black tax costs me from ₦100k-₦150k monthly. I think all my subscriptions – internet, cable, streaming, and co – cost about ₦50k monthly.
What’s a purchase you made recently that significantly improved the quality of your life?
My old car was giving me too much mechanic trouble, so I bought a car. It cost about ₦5.5 million.
What’s a bad financial decision you made recently?
I invested in someone’s business, but a bunch of forces, like the market and the management, screwed it over. I’m trying to salvage it though, even though it cost me about ₦3.5 million.
Talking about investments, what’s your portfolio looking like?
Online farms. Small business. More farms. In the past year, I’ll say I’ve invested between ₦5 million and ₦6 million.
Let’s talk about financial happiness. On a scale of 1-10.
I’m a 4. I can afford basic things, I’m doing well for myself. I’m ‘comfortable’ – I can have many middle class things like travel. But I’m not comfortable enough to do it sustainably, and at scale.
I feel like – in fact I know that I should be earning way more than I’m currently earning, considering my experience and skillset. But a lot of factors are slowing me down. I’m not happy at the fact that I can’t project. I don’t have a steady source of income where, whatever happens, I know X is earned per month or quarter.
I need to get to the place of financial stability because I can predict. I can start to do things like get a mortgage.
That’s why it’s a 4 because really, I’m doing fine – I haven’t even been broke since 2014. I can do a lot of things that requires money, but the money is limited.
Have you ever imagined what life would look like if things turned out differently?
I sometimes wonder what I’d be doing if I had gotten a job with my Sciences degree. If I wasn’t an influencer. If I had decided to work in public service. I wonder and shake my head at the futility of wondering. You never know these things.
A Poet. Is there something you think I should have asked you but didn’t?
How much I’m worth.
Okay. Tell me. How liquid are you right now?
Probably ₦10 million. That’s it – wait, I have a domiciliary account with $2,000 in it. So let’s just say I probably have ₦11 million all over the place.
Alright alright. That’s enough. I need to go make my skit now. Don’t get in the way of my success.
Hahaha. When you’re done, send it so we can share.
Social media is a crazy street where everyone gets to showcase their talent and trigger their imaginations in the best (or worst) way possible while garnering followers. Sometimes this leads to new and useful innovations, other times it gets one asking WTF?
Some of these WTF moments involve slangs and phrases no one understands, we don’t even know where most originated from. Here’s a list of slang we think should die off at the end of the year:
I’m dead:
This is supposed to depict exclamation, shock or laughter but have you ever tried saying this phrase in front of a Nigerian parent? Die you shall, after they’ve beaten negative confessions (that will take you to an early grave) out of you.
O jewa ke eng:
You probably got tired of seeing this South African phrase on Twitter this year. Visiting the app was such a chore when this started trending, especially when it wouldn’t stop!
I wouldn’t even call this a trend, it was a movement and I loved it because it encouraged people to speak their truth and have good mental health by doing so. But truth be told, it got old really fast, especially when Nigerians joined the bandwagon to say what was eating at them. You know we love to do things EXTRA
Unpopular opinion:
Everybody used this as an excuse to spew rubbish on their timeline. Can I just say that nobody asked for your opinion so why are you giving it? Please let this culture die in 2019 abeg.
Scopa tu mana:
This phrase took over on Twitter when o je wa eng went on a midterm break. At a point, it seemed like everyone was clamouring to say what was bothering them.
Stan:
At first, I thought this was a bad spelling of stand until I realized it was a thing. Alas, using this word was a way to pay your respects to anybody/anything you loved on social media.
The word stanning brings to mind Stannis Baratheon, and we all know how mad that man became under the control of the Red Priestess. Enuff said I reserve my comments.
Mad o:
Yet another phrase intended to express respect or amazement, but why couldn’t it have been something more positive like rich o.
Why do we love craziness on this side of the world? Must have been the reason why Kolomental was such a hit years ago.
Okoto meow meow:
This phrase looks like it was inspired by a cat, just think of it for a minute. At the same time though, it seems like it’s pronounced as moi-moi. I’m not even going to address the first word because what the hell is that supposed to mean? Who comes up with these things sef?
Why is this such a thing? I have no idea, everyone is going with the flow. Some people add ‘skrr’ to theirs, which reminds of Cardi’s okuuurr. Meanwhile, some people add more salt and pepper, so it becomes ‘okoto meow kututu meow skrr.’ Meaning? Rubbish talk.
God when?
Okay, I’ve gotten tired of seeing this, can it just die already? This phrase is often used to show dissatisfaction with one’s circumstances, especially when they see something better.
But did y’all notice that most of the ‘god whening’ comments are usually made under posts of couples and cute babies? And new houses, and new offices? Okay, I agree, it’s EVERYWHERE.
Did I leave any social media phrase out? Let me know in the comments.
If you are a social media fiend then the phrase “slide into the DM” is not unusual but if you are not one for the dramas associated to direct messaging then you’d totally relate to these:
When an online merchant, who seeks your patronage, advertises their wares on posts ending with “DM for price.”
Are you bloody kidding me? Who does that? So, I’m supposed to stress myself because I want to buy something from you?
When someone slides into the DM’s to shoot their shot…and misses.
Abeg, which one is; “advice me on how to get to know you better?”
That dreaded broadcast message that flies into your DM asking you to join a group or take a survey that is totally unrelated to your interest.
The battalion of follow up messages when the first DM gets ignored.
This DM slider can only be stopped by being blocked!
Getting a message with no context, no introduction, no explanation, nothing except; “Hi.”
And the ones with too much audacity who proceed to give you nicknames and a promise of your future with them
…and how y’all will tell your kids about your first Instagram date, your Twitter honeymoon, and oh your first anniversary at SnapChat ville
Alright, there you have it folks. The streets of social media are cray-cray but there are sure to always keep you intrigued, I know I always am. Lemme go slide into someone’s DM and annoy the heck outta them..
I’ll just start this by saying that if we’re friends in real life and you do any one of these things on Twitter, I’ve most likely muted you because you’re awful and looking at your timeline gives me a headache. Also, I quietly report your tweets in the hopes that Twitter eventually deletes your account.
Now, for today’s business.
1) Altering your name to look like this:
I hate to sound bougie (I don’t) but it’s not cute; it’s actually razz. Also, it’s super hard to read for people who don’t already know your name. Where do you think you are? Facebook in 2011? Stop it.
2) Catfishing:
This is for the people (mostly guys) that open new Twitter accounts, take a picture of a random pretty girl, use it as their avi, and start masquerading around the TL pretending to be the pretty girl in the avi:
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE?
3) The people that go under every well-performing tweet and write this:
“Why? So I can enjoy your starving African kid memes and Davido Vs Wizkid hot takes? Thanks. I’ll pass.”
4) Hijacking trends topics to sell stuff(when your stuff has nothing to do with the thing trending).
I remember when some guy tweeted a trash hot take about the presidential election and implied at the end that it was the first in a thread.
This idiot began promoting his mixtape in the next tweet. There’s really no difference between shit like this and that one-time the entire Five Star Music record label faked Skiibii’s death for clout.
5) Using religion to guilt-trip people into retweeting you.
The most common one is “Retweet if God has been good to you this month. Reply with ‘Amen’ for even more blessings.”
Just say you want attention and go.
6) Using other people’s pain and misery to thank God for how good you have it.
Just… don’t.
7) This shit:
One would think that with Twitter’s Muted Words feature, it would be easy to avoid this. But the people who tweet these things found a way around muting by intentionally misspelling them, leading to variations like this:
Unintentional comedy aside, STOP IT.
In another episode of celebrities clapping back at rude people online, we have Davido VS a fan.
It all started when a video of a little boy singing Davido’s hit song “IF” went viral a few days ago.
Davido saw this, was touched by it, reached out to the boy and promised to take care of his family from now on.
A lot of people praised Davido for having a good heart and helping the less privileged.
But there is always that bad belle that shows up to say nonsense. That person that can’t just see a good thing being done and be happy. That was this person.
Now this could’ve gotten lost in the sea of positive comments under Davido’s post but it didn’t and honestly we are glad.
Because terrible people like this need to be put in their place. So when Davido replied with this
We were like
And like
Then like
This should teach trolls that they can’t just come online, say nonsense and get away with it every time.
Random person on Instagram, it is good for you. Next time don’t be rude.
If you enjoyed this, take this quiz to see if you are more Wizkid or Davido.