Don’t mind all of them Mr Jimoh, we at Zikoko have small home training and are not like the children of anger on Twitter.
Yesterday we gave you the gist on Pastor Adeboye’s advice to young men on their choice of wives, and trust Nigerians to have a serious debate on the topic.
Nigerian Twitter was on fire with reactions, and we compiled the funniest tweets for you, you’re welcome!
Since some ladies disagreed with Daddy G.O, someone predicted what their relationship status would be in two years:
😡😡😡 "Pastor Adeboye is wrong for saying we MUST COOK He HAS NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT!!!!"
They’re even saying his gas cooker is not messy enough to have cooked a pot of Jollof, even if it’s possible he cleaned the gas cooker before taking the pictures.
And while all that drama was going on, some people claimed that Ghana has become the Jollof super power, the kings of Jollof because of the tomato scarcity.
We have three words, this isn’t over!
Although Mr Osi has been accused of telling a few lies on Twitter every now and then, that pot of Jollof looks amazing and those that are hating should go and cook their own.
After the recent increase in fuel price, Nigerians have been really uncomfortable because the cost of goods have become more expensive as expected.
However, the most annoying part is that this new fuel price doesn’t come with an increase in minimum wage. This means that the masses are expected to bear the consequences while top government officials continue to earn fat salaries.
Twitter user, Timigod, got inspired by this particular tweet and created an app that directs tweets to the Nigerian senate, demanding reduction of their salaries.
Nigerian senators currently earn roughly 40 times the standard minimum wage. If the government has to take strict economic measures, all Nigerians including politicians should be involved.
1. First of all you have to pick a Twitter. You have intellectual, economist, feminist, life coach, relationship advisor, political, LWKMD, football Twitter etc.
Just pick one. Or you might be relegated to one.
2. If you decide to go with intellectual Twitter, you need a proper grasp of the art of faking depth plus or minus several dozen ‘isms’.
Google is always your friend.
3. You need an indepth knowledge of Twitter vocabulary and syntax.
This is not a drill. Wyd if you don’t know what ‘wyd’ means?
4. There are only five topics that Nigerian Twitter recycles – feminism, women cooking, men paying for cab, rape and money.
Know these topics well, or know how to be fake deep.
5. Don’t laugh too much when someone is getting trolled. Your time will come.
It is guaranteed.
6. When someone that’s being trolled calls you for defense, don’t respond.
7. Learn to ignore. Many will tweet stupid things, but you should try to remain Christ-like.
All you can do is pray.
8. Your comeback game must be 100.
If someone tests you and you cannot return the favor, everyone will begin to come for you. Easy target.
9. Always join the correct (faux) outrage train. Know which side to be on.
Look for the side with the most heavyweights (cool people) and join them.
10. And when they’re insulting the person with the difference of opinion, mildly join in too. Not enough to stand out though.
Light insults.
11. Realize that everyone is rich on Twitter and hide your struggle well.
It’s only on Twitter that we look down on hire purchases.
12. Twitter is where everyone is an expert at everything, so have an opinion on anything and everything.
Tweet about tech, stocks and smart stuff. Even if your wisdom is off the back of a trailer.
13. When a topic that you’re ACTUALLY an expert at comes up, please flourish.
Loud it! You might not get that chance again.
14. When your tweet that was suppose to bang, doesn’t bang. Delete it and try again.
Don’t give up.
15. Your follower to following ratio should not exceed 3:1 at every point in time.
If not, you lose cool points.
16. Tweet about how disgusting SubDeliveryMan is. But stalk his TL religiously because you cannot lag behind on gist.
Double standards. I know, right?
17. When you want to steal tweets, steal tweets from like a million timelines away.
Plagiarism checker Twitter is not a myth.
18. And lastly, when you want to lie on Twitter, make it believable.
Twitter does not like false dodo. You will never live it down.
Sticks and stones in form of erratic supply of electricity, depressing exchange rates, looting of government funds and fuel scarcity don’t break Nigerians. Rather than get outraged, Nigerians remain one of the happiest group of people in the world. What they cannot stand however, is hearing a foreigner speaking ill of their beloved country.
This Ghanaian Twitter user found the recipe to really upset Nigerians. She said how she really felt about them.
Nigerians are the only people who like Nigerians, y’all fuck like rabbits so there’s so many of you, the world can’t say shit.
Africa as a continent is steps behind all other continents in term of development. Rather than bash other countries, hands should be placed on deck to finally place our continent at the same pace and time with others.
Also Nigerians should use this outrage as a drive to fix some of the things wrong with the country.
If we know one thing, it’s that Nigerians are vocal. Very vocal. We can’t be oppressed or suppressed.
Who wan try?
And with social media, ain’t nobody holding us down.
We speak our mind.
But what happens when Nigerians fed up with our numerous problems attack the wrong person or party?
What is going on here?
That is the story of Nasser Al-Saadi from Qatar and senior executive at Aljazeera, who got caught in the crossfire between the people of Nigeria and the National Assembly.
Nasser’s relationship with Nigeria began in June of 2015. His Twitter handle came under attack from angry Nigerians when the National Assembly began giving more trouble than they already do. The members got a wardrobe allowance that totalled N8.64 billion!
As Nasser’s Twitter handle is @Nass, which is the same as the acronym ‘NASS’ for National Assembly, he got a lot of misplaced fury.
His handle literally became infamous on this side of the world.
That moment when your #Twitter handle becomes "something important" in a different country. #NASS#Nigeria
Sometimes he spends his hard-earned cash to share longer forms of these nuggets.
From the article he posted on Linda Ikeji, women should only aspire to be lovely and not sexy….
Because lovely women are better than sexy women.
Sexiness is Satanic…
“….I am convinced Satan promotes the word sexy so we can see women as sex objects….”
And Esther in the Bible was not a sexy woman…
“Why did Esther obtain this favour? It is a historical fact that King Xerxes had many SEXY women in his harem. Yet despite the multiplicity of sexiness available to him, it was the LOVELY Esther he chose as his queen…”
Even animals are not sexy….
“Even among animals, a lioness is a lovely animal and that is why she stays in a pride with her lion mate. The lion will protect her and together they will raise a family of cubs that stay with them until they start their own pride or are absorbed into another pride.”
What if his bitter truth is rather misogynistic?
“That is just the bitter truth. Some may call me misogynistic but I have a wife and a daughter that will testify to how I treat them like queens. Truth is bitter, lies are butter. One will purge you while the other will make you fat!”
Oga, they aren't mutually exclusive, just like how you can both be Reno Omokri and Wendell Simlin. https://t.co/Gbp8A4NMhD
— Chine(melum) Ezekwesili 🔻🔺🔻🐈⬛ (@ChineEzeks) March 13, 2016
Yes! Reno Omokri is the greatest Nigerian parody account on the internet. Is he hilariously mind blowing, hell yes! Intellectual and thought provoking nko? *cricket chirp*
You can read the entire article here.
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