Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Femi*, 26, and Yemisi*, 25, have been dating for two years. Today on Love Life, they talk about helping each other grow and be better people and how the lockdown helped them transition into a long distance relationship.

What’s your earliest memory of each other? 

Yemisi: In November 2018, I asked people on my Twitter timeline what they wanted before the end of the year, and this person who thinks he’s a smooth operator said lunch with me. I said, “Cool, I can make that happen.” He slid into my DM and asked if he should go straight to the point or do small talk before asking me out to lunch. He was very formal — using big grammar. LOL. I said he could go straight to the point and we settled on a date, but he didn’t get back to me. 

A few weeks later, he apologised. He said he was busy with work and we should reschedule. But I was away for a conference on the island. I wasn’t planning to leave the conference venue, so I told him we could plan something when I returned to the mainland. While I was still at the conference, I tweeted that I wanted cake.  Femi messaged me to ask for my address and sent a cake. I actually got two cakes. One from Femi, one from someone else. 

Femi: Whose was bigger and better?

Yemisi: Lmao. I’m not going to answer that.  

What happened next? 

Femi: We started chatting via Twitter DMs but we still didn’t go on that date. Her office organised a monthly event that I used to go for. At these events, she was always with other men, so it felt like she wasn’t interested. 

A few months after we started talking, a mutual friend organised a dinner that we both went for, and after that, we became close. She slept in my house that night. 

Yemisi: The dinner happened four months after he sent me the cake in November 2018. We actually met once in early 2019 before the dinner. It was a mani-pedi date, and I brought a friend along. 

Femi: A male friend who is taller than me by far. 

Yemisi: LOL. I didn’t think of the mani-pedi date as a real date.  

After the dinner, things naturally fell into place. We had a movie marathon the day after the dinner because I tweeted I wanted to see a movie with someone and he slid into my DMs to indicate interest.  

Femi: She claims she planned the whole thing. I can’t disagree. 

Yemisi: LMAO. Then we started hanging out after work regularly. He would come to my office or I would go to his house. One of the things we bonded over was Game of Thrones and getting pedicures. We found out that we had a lot in common: Our parents are pastors in the same church, we come from the same place, and have similar beliefs. In May, he invited me to his church and I went. We spent more time together before he officially asked me out. 

How has the relationship been so far? 

Femi: Although we have fights and sometimes over the littlest of things, it’s been good. We spent a lot of time together during the lockdown. This meant we spent a lot of time in the kitchen together and that came with some bickering. We got to know each other deeply. For instance, I found out that she doesn’t know how to open mouthwash. 

During that period, we skipped the regular boyfriend-girlfriend stage and entered the comfortable married couple stage. 

What was your biggest fight about? 

Yemisi: We were arguing about something on Twitter. I was coming from a moral perspective, and Femi was looking at it from a legal perspective. We were in the same house, in the same bedroom, but I didn’t talk to him for like two hours, I don’t remember how it ended. At the end of the day, we kind of agreed on the same point, but it took a while to get there. 

Femi: My idea of our biggest fight is different. We used to take evening walks, and one time, we were supposed to go get food. At some point on the way, she stopped to tie her shoelace. I asked her to move away from the road so she could be safe.  For the rest of the walk, she kept frowning. Even when we got home, she continued frowning and wanted to be by herself. I don’t know if she remembers this. 

Yemisi: I do remember it — I didn’t like his tone. I think I’m responsible for like 70% of our fights. He calls me “Fighter” because I fight about everything. 

So how do you resolve fights?

Yemisi: Whenever we fight, it’s always Femi that reaches out to me. He’ll make me come out of my shell by offering food or joking. After that, we’ll have a conversation about it.  I’d feel bad because he is such a kind, thoughtful person, which is annoying. Then I would now apologise properly and admit where I went wrong and he’ll do the same. 

One thing he’s taught me is that more than anything, love is a choice, and even in these fights, we keep loving and caring for each other.

Femi: My strategy is mumu button. At least that’s how I de-escalate the immediate tension so that we can have conversations about the problem. We can be fighting and pause to ask each other what we want to eat or joke about something else.

What’s the best part about the relationship? 

Femi: Yemisi is my sugar mummy. She spoils me. I can’t say I want anything and that’s how it ends. She always finds a way to get it for me. From clothes to gadgets. Especially now that we are apart. She is so intentional about taking care of me and she motivates me to be better. 

Yemisi: We help each other grow and become the best possible versions of ourselves. Since we started the relationship, we’ve both grown simultaneously. When we started talking, I got a new job, which was a big deal for me. Shortly after, he got a new job. We helped each other prepare for the interviews and gingered each other. There’s such a stong sense of “I believe in you” in this relationship. After I got a raise, he got a raise as well. I got a promotion, and he got promoted too. That’s how we do things over here. No one gets left behind.

Although Femi isn’t expressive, he’s very kind and thoughtful. Sometimes we fight about it because I’m like, why is he doing something for this person, but he’s taught me to be a better person to the people around me. 

Also, he is my sugar daddy. When my computer was bad, he vexed and got me a new one. After I moved, he got tired of the shitty video conferencing app we were using and got me an IPhone so we could FaceTime.

So you help each other grow professionally, financially and emotionally? 

Yemisi: Yup. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my salary has grown 10x since we started dating. When you’re with someone who is succeeding, you’re forced to put in your best and succeed too. Similarly, when you’re with a kind person, it rubs off on you. We’ve been deliberate about learning from each other.

Femi: What she said about growing professionally and financially. 

And then emotionally too. I’m usually quiet, reserved and sometimes clueless. But she’s been intentional about helping me grow and she’s been patient about it too.

Do you have any future plans together? 

Femi: She’s trying to get me out of Nigeria. 

Yemisi: Yup. I recently moved out of Nigeria. We both knew from the start of our relationship that this would happen. At some point in the relationship, we knew that we wanted to end up together. Our siblings know each other. This year, I met his mum, and he’s met my parents online — my dad already calls him his son. We are on the road to getting married, but one of our biggest priorities is getting him to join me abroad. 

What’s long-distance like for both of you?

Femi: It’s hard tbh. But definitely not the worst thing in the world. No physical touch is the hardest thing. And sometimes, unnecessary squabbles because the nuance is missing.

Yemisi: It’s not the worst thing or the best thing. I think we’re lucky because, during the lockdown, we lived together for about eight months. We got to know each other. I think that was a defining point in our relationship. I recently told him  that if I had left Nigeria before the lockdown, we might not be together. Living together helped us know each other.. 

We both like physical touch, and sometimes I want it, but not having it is not the worst thing. 

Overall, we’ve been able to hack how we spend time together. We talk everyday and send gifts to each other a lot. We have movie night often. Long distance is good for us, but it’s not the best situation. 

Rate your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10. 

Femi: 8.632. 

Yemisi: LOL. What?

Femi: It’s because of the long distance. Sometimes I want to knock your head or do things I can’t say here, but it’s not possible, so yeah. 

Yemisi: 9. We have been dating for two years, and we have both grown in different ways. There’s no way you’d date him, and you wouldn’t grow or date me and you wouldn’t grow. Our growth is the best part for me. 

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Ore, 28, and Lekan, 30, got engaged last year after dating for about a year. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting in church as teenagers, reconnecting as adults and how they got God’s confirmation that they are meant to be.  

What is your earliest memory of each other?

Ore: In 2006, my family and I moved to Ikorodu. We joined a church there and that’s when I met Lekan. I was 14 at the time. He was 16. We were in the same drama group. I remember texting him all the time on my flip phone. 

Lekan: I was already crushing on her. She was in secondary school, and I just finished. I remember I always wanted her to be at our drama meetings. There was a time her mum was taking her to school, and she wore her boarding house wear. I texted her something about her being beautiful. Later when she came back from school, she told me her mum saw the text. I thought I was in trouble, but nothing came out of that. 

Ore: LOL! I don’t even remember that. 

Lekan: I even asked her out then but she gave a clever response — that she wasn’t ready for a relationship — and I respected it. Shortly after, she and her family moved. 

So how did you two become a thing?

Ore: After my family moved out of Ikorodu in 2010, Lekan and I lost contact. We found each other again in 2016 when I was doing my masters in the UK. I was in church one day and his face flashed in my head. I have this habit of checking in on people or praying for them when I think of them. That day, I was wondering why I thought of him, so I went to find him on Facebook. I did, then I messaged him and we chatted. We exchanged numbers afterwards. 

He would always text to check up on me and make sure I was doing okay. I wanted to see him when I moved back to Nigeria, but I didn’t want to be the one to initiate it.

Why?

Ore: Back then, I felt like our conversations were too casual to try to push for anything more. I thought he wanted us to just be text buds, and I was okay with that. 

Lekan: For me, I was wondering what she was thinking. I didn’t know if she was in a relationship or married. We kept in touch from when we reconnected in 2016 till 2019 when I finally decided to let her know my feelings. I told one of my female friends about her, and she advised me to tell her. Her birthday is in June, so I got her office address and sent her gifts. I wrote her a long message asking her out but my friend advised against sending it with the gifts. So I sent her the message two weeks later.  

Ore: Before he sent that message, I had felt the need to pay more attention to him in my spirit. When he asked me out. It made sense, but I was sceptical about whether I wanted to date him or not. I liked him as a friend — I liked that he often checked up on me and I loved our conversations. I told him I was going to pray about it. 

In the past, I have been in relationships where I would get a red flag from God after praying but would go ahead with the relationships. I didn’t want that to happen with Lekan. I was already in a place of prayer when he asked me out, so I just added it to the things I wanted to talk to God about. On the second day of my prayers, I got a sign but I didn’t trust it because it felt like the sign came because I was already thinking about dating Lekan. I prayed some more and this time, I asked God to give me a sign that this was the right thing to do. I asked for a confirmation from someone I looked up to spiritually. 

Sometimes God can be funny because he sent my confirmation through my mum. At the time, I was working at Yaba, so my mum and I used to drive to work together. One day, on our way to work, I asked her if she remembered Lekan. She did and said she knew his mum from the church in Ikorodu. I told her what he said. My mum was surprised because she was praying about the man I would bring home as my husband, and she got an idea of what the man would look like. The description she gave me was exactly like Lekan. It was scarier when she said she had gotten the message a long time ago but didn’t want to share it with me so as to not pressure me. 

I still didn’t tell him yes because I have felt more for the guys that I have dated in the past than I did for Lekan at that time. I was asking myself if I could hold the relationship without a little bit of obsession. As I deliberated this, I got another message to write down the things I wanted in a man. I was surprised when I listed 25 things because it wasn’t something I had thought about. I decided that I would date Lekan for a few weeks to see how he is. After a while, I just knew he was meant to be my husband. 

Lekan: That lockdown period was great because we got to spend time together. It made it easy to love her. We got engaged last year. We are looking forward to getting married later this year. You know our relationship is long-distance…

Wait, when did that happen? 

Ore: It has always been a long-distance relationship. I came back and he left the country. Imagine that? 

Lekan: Honestly, it doesn’t even feel like long-distance because we talk a lot — a lot of video calls and texting. 

Nice! Now I am curious about how the engagement happened. 

Lekan: I was in Nigeria for the holidays.

Ore: I am still beefing him sef. He didn’t kneel down. I told him that he will do it again. 

Lekan: LOL! It was a lot of pressure. I even watched YouTube videos to learn the best way to propose. On Christmas Day, I told Ore I wanted to go on a date. At the restaurant, I arranged with the waiters at the buffet to bring the ring at a specific time while one of my relatives would come with a camera to take pictures. When we got there, the restaurant was full, and I became shy. I asked for the ring back and told my relative not to bother. We were sitting when I told Ore I wanted to do something but I couldn’t kneel down.

Ore: I said, “Sure, no problem.” What made it better for me was the fact that he asked. I thought it was sweet.  

What is the best part of the relationship? 

Ore: We are so aligned, it’s unbelievable. I always tell him he is a better person than I am. I ask him a lot of questions and he always answers. He is a safe space for me.  

Lekan: For me, it’s the fact that we are quite similar. I always feel like we were meant to be. 

What was your biggest fight about? 

Ore: We have disagreements. One time we had an issue, and he noticed I was upset about it. He kept apologising until I snapped and asked why he was still saying sorry. We resolved that issue, but later on, we learned about apology languages and I understood why I was upset that day. Repeat apologies don’t work for me — I want to know that the person is going to change their behaviour. Understanding that has helped us navigate difficult situations. 

What’s your favourite thing about each other?

Lekan: I love how ambitious she is. 

Ore: I love how selfless he is. I remember when I told him that Uber was eating all of my money, and he said he would send me transportation money monthly. He is always willing to help without expectations. 

Rate your relationship on a scale of 1 – 10.

Ore: 10. He is someone my soul loves and I think what we have is beautiful. 

Lekan: 9, because I don’t want everything to seem too perfect. I love being in a relationship where you can talk about anything and know that someone is listening to you. When we have disagreements, it’s easy to navigate because we can both see the actions that have been taken. We are both willing to change for the other person. 

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Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.