1. When your parents start asking you about ‘the Facebook’.
No no, please no!
2. When they finally ask you to help them open their Facebook accounts.
I knew this day would come.
3. And you have to teach them how to ‘operate it’.
Kill. Me. Now.
4. When you see their friend request.
So quick!
5. And you try to ignore it but they make you accept in their presence.
Wait first, the process is lon…fine!
6. They waste no time in posting your embarrasing baby photos.
My wrists. Knife.
7. When they start sharing your Facebook ID to the rest of your relatives.
HAY GOD!
8. Now your requests are all from family members.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
9. When they keep tagging you in inspirational photos and videos.
Yes, thank you.
10. When they start liking ALL of your pictures.
Wow. All of them?!
11. When they use a slang wrong because trying to be cool.
“Sorry about your accident. LOL” Who sent you?!
12. When you offend them and they take the matter to Facebook.
The court of the people.
13. When you start contemplating whether you should just unfriend them.
It’s just a button.
14. But then they brag about you on their Facebook.
Aww…
15. When you upload a status message and they comment ‘explain’.
Jesus!
16. When you mistakenly change your Facebook relationship status and they start blowing up your phone.
LMAO!You forgot you’re not supposed to be in a relationship till you’re 30.
17. Or you change your facebook display picture to an ‘inappropriate one’ and they start complaining.
The lecture begins.
18. When you finally decide to leave Facebook for them.
Hello Twitter.
But you know they’re not far behind. *tears*
On account of the 2016 break out of Lassa fever, certain preventive measures have been passed across to Nigerians to help control the spread of the virus.
Not less than 63 Nigerian lives have been claimed by the virus since its recent breakout.
The Mastomy rat is said to be the sole carrier of the Lassa virus.
Because ingestion of food contaminated by these rats aids transmission of the Lassa virus disease, the Chairman of Rivers state branch of the Nigerian Medical Association (NMA), Furo Green advised Nigerians against drinking garri.
And as always, Nigerians will find hilarity in every situation. This man shared his safe way to drink garri on his Facebook page.
I have discovered a way to drink Garri this Lassa season.
1. Put the garri in a dry frying pan/pot.
2. Place it on the fire and allow it to fry for 10mins so that the heat will kill the Lassa virus.
3. Pour the garri out on a wide tray & allow it to get cold. Make sure ur eyes are on the garri to avoid the virus coming back cos if it does hmmmm, e go worse pass the 1st tym oh.
4. Put the garri on a plate and add the necessary (sugar, salt, glucose, powder, honey, milk, Milo, groundnut, aki, water etc). This is strictly base on ur choice but if u want to add all, no problem.
Then ur delicious and tasty drinking garri is ready for consumption…
Thank me later…
#LassaFever_Gbakwa_Oku ?
Men of God in Nigeria are known for different things. Some are controversial and mostly specify in prophesying things that have already happened.
Samuel Adeyemi, the senior pastor of Daystar Christian Center not only preaches on the altar but also changes lives through his motivational speeches and life coaching talkshows he hosts on radio stations within and outside the country.
He has also authored several books some of which include: Nigeria Of My Dreams, Generation Z+ and We Are The Government.
Impressed by his lifestyle and values, a Nigerian man, Davis King, took to his Facebook to express the admiration and respect he felt. He says:
This is not hero worship and today is not his birthday or anything like that. I am only celebrating excellence because I know it inspires others…
Let us know your opinion on the Facebook post in the comments section.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the month of Febaery is here and we are ready too!
FeBAEry = February = Valentine’s day.
The question is are you ready for Valentine’s day? These comments show some Nigerian’s are already feeling about the day of the bae!
While others sleep, the search for an already trained boyfriend has begun.
As I haven't any viable Valentine's Day plans, I am looking to lease an already trained boyfriend. If you have one you're not using, DM me
Social media undoubtedly has a huge influence in our lives, whether we like it or not. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and the rest are our daily bread. When we wake up in the morning, we instantly reach for our phones just to find out what happened while we were out cold.
Just like there are two sides to everything, social media has its good and bad parts. It’s a tool we can use however we want to.
Remember Edward Onoriode, the police officer who defuses bombs for a living?
He’s one of the reasons why we haven’t lost our faith in the Nigerian police. Well, he’s here to inspire us again with words of wisdom. This time, it’s about how using social media positively helped him get a job.
Edward is currently a peace ambassador to Africa under AUPOL (Africa Union Police) and he got this job all thanks to social media – Facebook to be exact.
Read his story:
What type of friends do you keep online?
Millions of people are on Facebook but are not making the best out of it. What has most of you people gained being on Facebook everyday? What type of friends do most of you keep on Facebook? Are you on Facebook to read gossips alone, make jokes alone, criticise politicians alone, ridicule religious people alone, scam people or defraud innocent people? Are you on Facebook looking for that important connection that will skyrocket you to the next level in life, do business online, post pictures alone, writes stories, talk about sex and relationship alone…etc…? What type of friends do you keep online? Or are you the type that is always on Facebook hunting for the opposite sex or same sex just to satisfy your sexual urge? Are your Facebook friends the type that will bring out the best in you? Are they the type that will make you become something out of nothing? Remember, there are so many opportunities being online mostly on Facebook. Are you taking advantage of those wide range opportunities? Or you are just on Facebook for Facebook sake?
Many years ago, I kept my identity very secret. Only a very few Facebook friends knew am a police officer because I wasn’t too proud to tell the world am a policeman. I felt I’ll be stereotyped if I come out open. I never knew I was only deceiving myself and fooling myself all those while. I was ashamed to be identified as a Policeman until I met Mr Remi Adeoye on Facebook who is so proud of his job and display it without minding whose ox is being gored. He changed my psyche and perception about the job I do for a living. He made me to understand I should be proud of what I do for a living. He made me to realize I can change the face and thinking of most police officers if I come out open. He made me to realize with my boldness to issues, I can change the perception most people have towards the police. He made me to realize my achievement in life is because of the job I do for a living despite being a rank and file in the police something many senior police officers haven’t achieved and are dreaming to achieve. All his advise were well noted by me and I thought about them for a while and that’s why I came out open. Today, am so proud to be called a Police officer and an EOD personnel.
Me and Mr Remi Adeoye haven’t really met in person. We are just friends online. He love some of my articles and I love almost all of his articles. We bonded like father and son. He chat with me like we are age mate. He advise me like am his biological son. He talk to me like a colleague, brother, friend and son that have knew each other for ages. He mentor me both on marital issues, social issues, economical issues, financial management, religious matters and how to be professional in my job and duty. He’s one Facebook friend I’ll forever be grateful to have and I want to take that relationship beyond Facebook. In fact, he’s my Facebook man with a golden heart of the year and beyond.
Last year, we were chatting as usual and he told me he’d like to recommend me as a peace ambassador to Africa under AUPOL (Africa Union Police). I thought he was joking. He requested for my particulars and I reluctantly gave it to him not really hoping anything good will come out of it due to the Nigerian factor.
Two months after I gave Mr Remi Adeoye my particulars, i was on duty one faithful morning when I received a call from Abuja that I should report at Abuja the following day by 7am for screening and interview at the Directorate of peacekeeping mission camp. I was mute for minutes and all I could say afterward was “YES SIR!”
I was confused when I dropped the call. “How can I be in Abuja the following day by 7am without preparing for such unprecedented journey?” I thought to myself.
Abuja from Lagos is not Ibadan from Lagos nor Sango from Lagos. I quickly sent some messages to Mr Remi Adeoye confirming the call I just received and he confirmed it and told me to report at Abuja at the said time because some inspectors are actually coming from Egypt, Uganda, and Kenya to screen prospective volunteers.
Immediately, I placed a call to my wife and told her to leave her shop and head home to help me get some few belongings that am going to Abuja that night.
That day, I took a night bus to Abuja hoping that I’ll arrive at Abuja hopefully before 6am and prepare for the screening that is slated for 7am. Unfortunately for me, the bus I boarded was involved in a minor motor accident and I ended up arriving Abuja at 12:30pm. It was really emotional. I don’t have Mr Remi Adeoye number and the only means I can reach him is via Facebook. I quickly sent him some messages telling him all that happened on my way to Abuja. Luckily for me, Mr Remi Adeoye is very penchant and always online on Facebook. He replied me immediately and told me what to do. When I got to the screening camp, my name has already been strucked out because I wasn’t around when the inspectors called my name. I quickly sent another message to Mr Remi Adeoye again, he replied me and told me he’ll call the inspector on phone to admit me which he did. I was admitted and I was the last person to be screened that day. Sadly, I didn’t perform well due to pressure, stress, so many thoughts on my head and emotions.
The following day was for interview/exercise. That day, the inspectors said they want only one EOD officer to represent EOD personnel for interview/exercise. Luckily for me, my colleagues told me to step up and represent them. I was glad, and I did my best even though I never prepared for such exercise and performance and I did very well in the exercise. That singular performance was how I was selected among over 500 officers across the nation that applied for AUPOL job.
You see! One Facebook friend who I met online was able to pilot me and caterpult me to what I am today and who I’ll become tomorrow.
Many people has criticised me by being too regular on Facebook. Some said; “what have you gained being a Facebook regular and celebrity?” “What have you gained being online daily?” ” You are jobless that’s why you are always on Facebook writing rubbish….” That’s what many people often told me and I never mind, I kept focus and do what gives me joy in a diplomatic way even though many people don’t agree with me. Today, that jobless boy is a AU staff and a peace ambassador. That jobless boy don’t only earn naira monthly but he’s also being paid in dollars monthly now. That jobless boy is now touring many Africa countries on a UN jet eating continental dishes. That jobless boy don’t pay for his internet services anymore but access the internet for free. That jobless boy is given a free accommodation, free healthcare services, free meal, free flight around east Africa countries and will be given a certificate as a peace ambassador when he complete his mandate with AU after 12 months or 24 months maximum.
I ask again, what type of friends do you keep online? Have they been able to add value to your life? Or are they the types that are just good for gossips, hate speech and propagandas? Pls, make good use of being online!!! Not everybody you throw insults at due to differences in political issues, religion, relationship arguments… etc… as you don’t know who may be your helper in life.
I want to use this opportunity to say a very big thank you to Mr Remi Adeoye for granting me this opportunity to be part of those chosen to represent EOD, The Nigerian Police and Nigeria on international assignment and I promise I’ll do my best not to disappoint you, myself, my family, EOD, the Nigerian Police, Nigeria and Africa at large.
Thank you very much Mr Remi Adeoye!!!
Nigerian lawyer, former minister and politician Femi Fani-Kayode has not ceased to be in the news and on the internet.
He is famous for his sharp unsolicited opinion on national issues and outrageous articles and Facebook posts. Here are the ridiculous things he has said in the media.
1. When he attacked Rotimi Amaechi on his Facebook page.
8. When he tried to stir up trouble after the ministerial appointments of late 2015.
In his usual manner of posting lengthy articles that made eyes roll, he attempted to open old wounds after the ministerial list dropped in September 2015.
9. He believes Nigeria is built on a Satanic foundation.
In his opinion, Lord Lugard and Lady Shaw were satanists and worshippers of Lucifer.
10. This very deep quote he shared on Twitter.
"Buhari is not God and we will not worship him"-Olisa Metuh.
Woe to those who worship men and who bow before Baal,the Lord of the Flies.
And it’s caused by different factors: the job market isn’t robust, with so many looking for jobs and so few job spaces available; employers can’t find qualified people; etc.
So when a job applicant gets their foot in the company door and bags an interview, he/she needs to prepare for it right?
A collection of pictures was posted on Graduate Fasttrack’s Facebook page recently; and it shows hilarious hacks for job seekers.
1. Make sure to mention that you’ve volunteered for community service.
2. Beware, every question is a test question.
3. Productivity is your god.
4. Practice giving your undivided attention to each interviewer- all at the same time.
5. Show your confidence.
6. ‘Divide and conquer’ is operative here.
7. Show that you can do all things.
8. Make sure your social media accounts have nothing incriminating.
9. Let them know that you’re result driven.
10. Show that you can be ‘coded’ when the situation calls for it.
11. Show that you’ll bring something to the table.
12. Describe yourself creatively.
13. Stay positive.
14. You know that job’s for you. Let them know that.
15. Show that you’re good at leadership.
16. Turn the negatives in your favour.
17. Let them know that you’ll be cooking up new ideas on the constant.
18. Let them know that you’ll give your best –plus more.
19. Show them that you can think outside the box.
20. Let them know that it’s been written that you’ll get this job.
21. Let them know that you’re fuelled by results.
22. Don’t be shy to let them know where you see yourself in the future.
23. Make conversation with your interviews — to diffuse the tension (for your benefit).
24. Let them know that with you, there’s never a dull moment.
25. Yes you ‘Can’ (pun intended).
26. Make sure you know the interviewer’s name. Before the interview if possible.
Warning: We will not be held liable for unpredictable results. But if you’ve got the cojones and it works for you, don’t hesitate to share your testimony.
