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  • I once heard someone say romance is dying, and it got me thinking about how chaotic dating can be these days. To understand what it’s like being single (or on the streets) in today’s Nigeria, I spoke to *Anna (25). 

    She shared how what was supposed to be a breakup that set her free spiralled into a messy cycle of sex and control for months. Now she’s finally learning to find peace in being single.

    What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

    I’d say I’m single now. And honestly? It’s been more refreshing than I expected.

    When did you first find yourself on the streets, and what kicked things off?

    I’ve kind of always been on the streets. In secondary school, I had those cute long-distance relationships — the type that were more vibes than anything serious. When I got into uni, things stayed the same. There were brief talking stages here and there, but nothing too deep. 

    That was until I got into a “real” relationship. Or at least, I thought I did. Looking back, I was probably still on the streets even then. Because I was more or less the only one in that relationship with *Saviour.

    What were those early days of dating like? 

    They were very dreamy. Saviour lived alone outside of school, while I had a roommate in school. He would visit me from time to time, but we mostly spent time together at his place.  

    He was funny, intentional, and for the first time, I felt like someone really saw me. He’d point out things about myself I never even noticed, in a good way. We started dating in 2020. I fell hard.

    So what changed?

    He was the best guy — until he wasn’t. I can’t say exactly when the shift happened, but I remember he started talking a lot about “self-improvement.” Then out of nowhere, he broke up with me to “focus on himself.

    He swore that was the reason, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was the real issue. Maybe after the first year of dating, I didn’t measure up to whatever standard he had set for himself. That breakup was the start of a very messy ride.

    How messy are we talking?

    The breakup happened during a school break, but we stayed in touch. When school resumed, I kept going over to his place, and we kept having sex. Constantly.

    It became this toxic loop of me having sex with my ex, someone I still had feelings for. It was obsessive, in a way. Even though I pretended not to see it, I knew he was using me. I was merely convenient. No relationship, or expectations — just someone to cook for him and sleep with him. He knew I still loved him, and he used that to his advantage.                 

    So you stayed without the label. Did anything happen during that time that caught you off guard?

    Oh, Saviour gave me an STI. This was some months into our “arrangement”. I didn’t want to believe he was sleeping with other people, but who else could it have been? I told him over the phone and blocked him.

    That really hurt me. But around that time, I’d also started talking to this guy, *Rahman. He was the opposite of Saviour, always in my corner and texting to check up on me. 

    We were meant to be just friends and nothing more, so I thought, “Why not?” But the first day we finally met in person, we had sex.

    It happens. So you were done with Saviour? 

    [Laughs] I wish. It wasn’t supposed to happen with Rahman — I was still unsure of everything. And then Saviour messaged me again on Snapchat. I hadn’t blocked him there. We started talking again. He came to see me. And just like that, the cycle continued. 

    Why did you continue choosing to go back to him?

    At the time, it didn’t even feel like I was “going back” to him. In my head, I thought I was trying to fix what we had. Saviour was my first real love, and I felt so deeply vulnerable with him. 

    He’d seen parts of me no one else had. I thought if I just held on long enough, we could go back to how things were. But he leveraged that. The final breakup happened a couple of months later, in 2022. 

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    What finally led to it?   

    It was after one particularly sweet night. We had amazing sex, and in the morning, he woke me up to do it again. But I noticed something felt off. It was unusually aggressive. He didn’t smile or say a word. He just got up and went to the shower.  

    When I tried to ask him what was wrong, he got annoyed. He said a lot of hurtful things, but what broke me was when he said I should stop acting like we’re still together when we’re not.

    I was floored. I was starting to tear up when he told me to leave his place. I gathered what remained of my dignity, got dressed and left. I walked straight to the road and kept my eyes ahead so I wouldn’t cry. By the time I got back to my hostel, I collapsed on my bed and wept. My roommate just held me while I cried myself to sleep. That was when I finally let him go.

    That must’ve been hard. Did you try connecting with anyone else?

    I did. After a while, I started talking to a guy I liked. But then I found out he lied about his age. He was some years younger and still a student. I was already done with school at the time. 

    The age wasn’t even the problem. It was the lie, and the fact that he clearly wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was just looking for a fling, and I wasn’t about to leave a good situationship for him.

    Situationship? When did that happen?

    Yeah, that was with Rahman. I got close to him when I needed a rebound from my good-for-nothing ex. He liked me more than I liked him, and honestly, that gave me a sense of control. I figured he couldn’t hurt me the way Saviour did, because I didn’t have feelings for him.

    Rahman knew a little about what happened with Saviour. We were honest about where we stood and agreed a relationship wouldn’t work. It was supposed to be a short-term fling, but somehow, it stretched into two years.

    Eventually, It stopped being about Saviour. Rahman and I just got comfortable. We still link up from time to time, but I wouldn’t call it anything serious.

    Two years is a long time. Why did you keep it that way?

    There are several reasons Rahman and I could never be more. First, there’s religion. His family is staunchly Muslim, and I’m Catholic. I’ve always seen relationships as something that should have a clear end goal, and that was never going to work between us. 

    But beyond that, I felt in control with Rahman, and that mattered. After what happened with Saviour, I couldn’t afford to feel that vulnerable again. I wasn’t sure I could survive another heartbreak, so keeping things undefined felt safer.

    I understand. What’s the hardest part about trying to find love (or even just companionship) these days?

    Knowing who’s genuine and who’s not. I gave my whole heart to someone and never got closure. That kind of hurt changes you. 

    Have you ever thought, “Maybe I should leave the streets?” 

    Yes. Seeing people in stable and loving relationships sometimes makes you want that, too. It’s what I want in the long-term future, but not for now. I’m still very skeptical about relationships. I just can’t trust easily anymore.  It’s just easier to stay this way for the time being.

    What are the little things that still give you hope about dating?

    I’m still a lover girl, deep down. I like to believe you experience people differently. So just because it didn’t work before doesn’t mean it won’t work someday. I’ve also realised I like companionship, so it’ll eventually happen.

    How has your time on the streets changed what you want from love or partnership?

    It’s taught me to look beyond a person’s words and pay attention to actions. I want something honest. I’m not asking for a perfect love story, just one that’s real. If it’s not, then I’m more than willing to walk away first.

    Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Give it a rating on a scale of 1-10

    Not bad, to be honest. I’ll give it a solid 6. Mostly because I have good friends who help me through it all. I don’t feel lonely since I have them, and we spend a lot of time together.

    Read Next: 5 Nigerians on the Craziest Thing They’ve Done to Win Back an Ex

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  • Breakups make people do wild things. Logic goes out the window, pride takes a backseat, and suddenly, you’re doing things you never thought you’d do — all in the name of love (or, let’s be honest, desperation).

    man trying to win back an ex

    From faking pregnancies to relocating across the country, these five Nigerians share the extreme (and, in hindsight, ridiculous) things they did to try and win back an ex. Spoiler alert: none of it worked.

    “I started posting Bible scriptures every morning.” — Temi, Male, 27

    My ex broke up with me because she felt I wasn’t deep enough in the things of the Lord. So, to try and win her back, I started posting Bible scriptures every morning. I even ran a Bible study boot camp on WhatsApp for two months.

    We still didn’t get back together, and she ended up dating the pastor of her youth church.

    “I created a fake Facebook profile to talk to him.” — Tife, Female, 27

    I was 15 at the time and completely heartbroken. So, in a desperate attempt to talk to my ex again, I created a fake Facebook profile.

    Then he started catching feelings for my fake persona and asked me to send pictures. I had to block him to save what was left of my dignity.

    “I lied that I was pregnant.” — Funmilayo, Female, 25

    Lying is bad, I know. But at the time, I genuinely believed this was the only way to get my ex back. So, I lied that I was pregnant for him. He immediately became more attentive and asked us to get back together. The problem was I wasn’t pregnant. 

    So two-ish months later, I had to lie that I lost the baby when he travelled out of the city for work. Then I said that losing “the baby” made me too sad, and we had to break up. That was really crazy, and I would not recommend it.

    “I spent ₦250k on getting better at sex.” — Alexandra, Female, 29

    When my ex and I split, I convinced myself it was because our sex life wasn’t great. So I did what any rational person would do — I spent ₦250k on injections that claimed to improve the feel of my vagina.

    The worst part? He never gave me another chance, so I have no idea if they even worked.

    “I moved from Lagos to Abuja for her.” — Kunle, Male, 30

    I was convinced distance was the only reason my ex and I didn’t work out. After weeks of begging and getting no response, I decided to take drastic action.

    I packed up my life in Lagos and moved to Abuja, where she was working. I thought if she saw how serious I was, she would take me back.

    She didn’t. By the time I got there, she had already moved on. I was left stranded in a city where I barely knew anyone. A year later, I quietly moved back to Lagos, fully humbled.

    ALSO READ: 5 Nigerians On The Ex They Will Never Move On From

  • If we’re being honest, there’s nothing outside. Streets are tough, everyone is trying to prove something, and people are fighting each other in the name of love. You don’t need that. You need butterflies in your tummy, a permanent smile on your face, and that ex that made life seem extraordinary.

    Lucky for you, we know how you can get them back.

    Go to their family house

    In your quest to return to the love of your life, you better make your way to their family home. Report yourself to their parents so they can see how serious your love is and help you get your boo back.

    Buy whatever they’re selling

    Even if it’s houses and cars they’re selling, think of it as an investment into your joint future. Close your eyes and make that big purchase.

    Make a big declaration of love 

    When Osuofia sang, “I no need sense to love o. Your love makes me a happy mumu,” did you think he was joking? Put on your big pants and tell the world you’re still in love with your baby and want them back. If declaring this online doesn’t work, we suggest paying for ad space on one of the billboards around Lagos’ third mainland bridge.

    Send them prayer meeting links

    This only works if they’re super-duper into religion. If they’re not, and you send them NSPPD link, you might just find yourself blocked in a matter of seconds.

    Send them gifts

    You might have to send it through their friends and family, but at the end of the day, all that matters is they see your five tubers of yam, one kilo of turkey and half bag of rice. This will help them understand that your love for them surpasses Tinubu’s economy.

    Remind them of the good times 

    Follow them back on all their socials and start posting about the good times you shared. Chances are they’ll catch the love bug and welcome you back with open arms.

    Wait outside their house

    If all of the above fails, make your way to their place of residence. They’ll find you there, see how strong your love for them remains, and maybe, just maybe, your ex might become your current.

  • As much as we hate to say this, sometimes, good things do come to an end, even when love is involved. Because we care so much about you and your relationships, here are all the telltale signs you’re about to be an ex.

    They stop buying you gifts

    If they no longer shower you with gifts, it simply means they’re no longer grateful for your existence and presence in their lives, and you know what comes after that.

    They don’t hold your hand in public

    At some point, you’ll have to stop and ask yourself, “Are their palms really sweaty, or is their love for you nonexistent?”

    They refuse to lie about your cooking

    Everyone likes to shout that lying is wrong, but sometimes, a little white lie is okay. For example, if your partner no longer feels the need to lie about the deliciousness of a meal you slaved over a hot stove for, then it might be time to call it quits.

    They don’t laugh at your jokes

    As far as your partner is concerned, you’re the biggest comedian in the entire world. Once that delusion thought process ends and they stop laughing at your not-so-funny one-liners and inside jokes, start preparing for your return to the streets.

    You no longer complete each other’s sentences

    The entire point of a relationship is for your partner to know you like the back of their hand. They should know what you’re thinking 50% of the time, so they can complete your sentences. If they can’t do this for you and you can’t do this for them, maybe it’s time to go your separate ways.

    They don’t think you’re the best thing since Lukman the Long Island

    Once they stop thinking you hung the stars and the moon and you’re the best thing since smokey jollof rice and the Long Island iced tea Lagos bars serve, then it might just be the beginning of the end.

    You avoid them

    Once you find yourself hiding behind pillars and plants to avoid your partner and the bad energy they now bring, best believe it’s time to take yourself out of the equation and look for love elsewhere.

  • Is your ex your next?

    Choose all that apply:

  • Hello, and welcome to today’s class. 

    Today’s lesson is simple and straight to the point. No beating around the bush or cutting corners. No making promises at the beginning and only fulfilling at the end.

    Sometimes, being in a relationship is great. You find someone that loves and adores you completely and would pull down the moon and stars just to put a smile on your face. 

    At other times, being a single pringle in the muddy streets is a better option for you because the person you’re with acts like you’re in a long-distance relationship (even though you live in the same city) and moves like they’re your biggest opp.

    Maybe you didn’t know better then, but now you do. Now, you’ve realised this person doesn’t care about you, and it’s time to let them go and move on with your life. But for some reason, this very recent ex has now decided this is the time to move like Sanwo-Olu – be in your face 24/7 and start fulfilling all the promises they made unprovoked. 

    Here are some things they might do to win you back and all the ways you can free yourself from their shackles and tell them to kindly pack their load and geddifok.

    First, the love bombing

    The first thing that ex would do is blow up your phone. See, they literally have nothing better taking up their time, so they’ll disturb your life with calls, texts, and stalk your social media. They might even start sewing threads and professing their love for you on Twitter. 

    What to do? Ignore them. They didn’t have your time before you gave them the boot, and they won’t have your time if you take them back. As a matter of fact, if you take them back, they might double the shege they showed you the first time and really press your neck this time.

    So avoid them, block them on Twitter, and block their numbers. If they use their company accounts to tweet at you or email you, block those accounts too.

    Then your love will start costing more than a dime

    When hounding you on social media and blowing up your phone with calls don’t work, they’ll try to buy back your love. They’ll send you discount codes for rides around your city, return the stuff they took from you and act all apologetic about it. 

    They might even find a way to reach out to your place of employment and get you that raise you’ve been begging for. And that’s a red flag. If they could do this before, why did they choose to wait until now?

    What to do? Take it. Take everything they’re offering because you deserve it, and then shut the door in their face because they deserve it.

    READ: Please Keep Your Sorry, 8 Reasons Why More People Should Keep Malice

    And they’ll really be everywhere you go

    If your ex still doesn’t get the memo and doesn’t have the decency to see that you no longer want them, the next thing on their list will most likely be to attack your eyes. This ex will suddenly be everywhere — on your friend’s Instagram story, Whatsapp status, heck, they might even try showing up on your tv screen.

    What to do? Turn off your TV, block the people that won’t stop posting them everywhere, and regain your peace of mind.

    They weren’t doing it before, but now they’ll want to be your shoulder to cry on

    You’ll think blocking them, and their associates will mean you’re no longer their problem, but you’ll be wrong. Somehow, this ex that never cared how you rolled out of bed in the morning or how your day went will find out about the two new people chasing you and showing you love all over the place. Instead of them returning to their house and letting you enjoy your life, they’ll start trying to one-up them. 

    You don’t feel too well? They’ll send a doctor to your house in the morning and food in the afternoon. They’ll start moving with vim, trying to fix your life.

    What to do? Say tufiakwa and look away. You’re too smart to fall for lunch trays and check-in visits.

    And now, cue the slander, gaslighting and general denial of all wrongs done.

    Sometimes, people lie when they say they want you to be happy. Nobody tells this lie more than that ex. After telling them nonstop that you’re no longer interested in them and trying your best to move on. They’ll start peddling lies and rumours about your new beau. They’ll try to paint their black white and call you blind while at it. They’ll tell you that the person you know for a fact is their glucose guardian, is just a long lost relative, and that they didn’t do all the things you saw them do.

    What to do? Marvel at their ability to lie fluently and shut the door in their face. Because they’re attacking your mental health and calling you an idiot at this point , and you can’t take that.

    Chances of your ex letting you be after all their futile attempts are sadly still very low, so all you can really do now is dodge them and hope they tire out sooner rather than later. 

    ALSO READ: What’s in Governor Sanwo-Olu’s Four-Year Report Card?

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    The subject of this week’s Sunken Ships is Mercy* (26). She tells us how she had to suppress her bad bitch life because of her ex, Olamide* (28). He didn’t like that she was always outside and knew so many rich people.

    How did you meet? 

    Mercy: Olamide and I met in 2020 at a small New Year’s Eve party. Since the COVID restrictions weren’t completely lifted, it was an invite-only party, but we could all bring plus one’s. He was his friend’s plus one. So there was one guy who kept trying to talk to me. I just grabbed Olamide randomly, and pretended he was my boyfriend. Luckily for me, he went along with it and the other guy bought it. That’s how we started talking that night. 

    He looked harmless, so I just stayed with him. He told me about anime, tech, crypto, and all the other stuff he was interested in. I wasn’t really into any of that, but he spoke with so much passion that I listened. Plus, he was kind of funny. I had a good time. Towards the end of the party, we exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. We did. 

    And then? 

    Mercy: We texted as often as we could and even planned to meet up. What really drew me to him was how different he is from the kind of guys and girls I usually date. Because of the kind of work I do, I’m used to people who want to be as public as possible because of collaboration opportunities and other stuff. He, on the other hand, was a banker who loved to watch anime and read books. A good time for him was indoors just chilling. It was refreshing, and he quickly became a safe space for me for when outside became a little too much. 

    So what happened next?

    Mercy: The first time we went on a date was a week or so after the party. It was to a lovely restaurant I’d been to a couple of times. He said he wanted to impress me, and I thought it was cute. I got there before him because I lived closer to the place, so while I waited, the waiter told me someone bought me a bottle of wine. I’d already had about two glasses when Olamide arrived. 

    We talked a bit, ate some really good food and even drank the wine together. When the bill came and he asked why the wine wasn’t on the bill, the waiter informed him that it was paid for by someone else. He got upset that I shared a drink with him bought by another man on our date, but I apologised, and he let it go. 

    Did things like that happen often? 

    Mercy: Random people buying me stuff? Yes. I won’t say I’m the prettiest girl in Lagos, because babes dey, but I can hold my own. Plus, people with money just like to impress. I didn’t grow up rich, but I grew up around rich people, so I had a lot of connections and certain doors opened for me because of this. I’ve gotten used to being around people who flaunt their money hoping it’ll get something from whoever. But it’s usually because they have nothing else to offer. I take the money or gifts because it’ll make them feel good about themselves, and I get to spend less. Win for everybody. 

    How did Olamide feel about this? 

    Mercy: Oh, he hated it. Before we started dating in April 2021, I tried to hide it from him as much as possible. I chalked up most of the perks to being a part of my job but didn’t go into details. 

    What changed after you started dating? 

    Mercy: I couldn’t hide the real sources of the gifts any longer. It’s not like I didn’t try, but dating meant we spent a lot of time together, and he got to see what my life was really like — parties, gifts, mini and not-so-mini celebrities and a lot of other things. I tried my best to make him feel as involved as possible, but he made it very clear that it wasn’t his thing and I should just have fun. At first, it wasn’t a problem. I’d text him while I was out and sometimes call him when I get back. Sometimes, I’d go out from his place so he could watch me get ready. When I return, he’d help me take off my makeup and clothes, and we’d cuddle till I fall asleep. 

    I also stopped accepting every invitation to every event. Being with him made the world stop moving at 1.5x speed. We’d order food in and take turns watching romantic comedies and the anime and thrillers he liked. The first couple of months into the relationship were great. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: Love Isn’t Always Enough

    When did it stop being so great? 

    Mercy: I can’t pinpoint exactly when, but I know my birthday in September was a disaster. It wasn’t because of anything he did, but because of everything else that happened. At this point, we’d basically moved into my place together because it was bigger and closer to where he worked. 

    So on my birthday, he wanted us to have a sit-down dinner at home. He’d cook, we’d dance to some songs from the speaker and do a marathon of movies I’ve been meaning to see. I loved the idea. I hadn’t spent my birthday indoors in about three years, so I was excited. It was a Friday, so he got home earlier than he usually does and met several boxes and bags of stuff in the house. People had gotten me a lot of gifts. Hair, money towers, expensive perfumes, clothes, etc. He didn’t say anything, but with each delivery I got, he got quieter. During dinner and after, my phone kept ringing and buzzing from notifications. I had to turn it off at some point. 

    The next day, my friends were throwing a birthday thing for me at the club, and he’d agreed to come, but he suddenly changed his mind. He said he wouldn’t feel comfortable there, and I didn’t rate him as much as I did my club and party friends. I was upset he’d think that because I’d turned down so many requests to hang out on my birthday just so I could spend time with him. 

    I went to the club alone and tried to have fun, but I kept thinking of how sad he must’ve been. When I texted, he didn’t reply. I called, he didn’t pick up. I couldn’t face him, so I told him I won’t be coming home and spent the weekend at my friend’s place. 

    How did you guys move on from that? 

    Mercy: I don’t think we really did. I went back to the place on Monday and tried to cheer him up with a gift I got him. It was a sweater of one of the animes he likes, but he barely acknowledged the gift. He just said he wasn’t upset and we just continued living together. 

    I kept trying to keep things from him to prevent him from getting upset, but that backfired because it made him think I was cheating on him. 

    Were you? 

    Mercy: Not at all, but he thought everyone was a suspect. Whenever I mentioned hanging out with a girl or sleeping over at hers, he’d get pretty defensive and angry about it. He even tried to stop me from going out a couple of times, even when he knew they were work outings. 

    At a point, my friend got involved and staged an intervention for me. She told me that he knew the kind of person I was before he started dating me, and I did all I possibly could to reassure him. It wasn’t fair that I was the one making all the sacrifices and walking around eggshells because I didn’t want to upset him. She rounded it up by saying I was too much of a bad bitch for him so he either had to get with the program or get out. 

    Damn. That’s a lot

    Mercy: Yeah, she’s kind of intense. Would you believe that I didn’t even break up with him after her pep talk? It wasn’t until November ending that I found out he was cheating on me with one of his coworkers. 

    How did you find out? 

    Mercy: I needed his phone for a video I was making and she texted. I went through their replies and I was wrecked. I threw him out of my house, blocked him everywhere, and I haven’t been in contact with him since then. 

    Wow. Any regrets? 

    Mercy: That I allowed myself change so much for him. Sure, staying indoors is nice and fun, but I chose my line of work because I like to be outside. I like to shake my ass and have fun with my friends. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t like that. It’s too much of an important part of my life. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: I No Longer Have Friends in Nigeria

    Brought to you by LOVE LIFE

  • With the housing crisis, recession, and the need for freedom, more and more people are sharing accommodation. It’s cheaper, you can leave your parent’s house, and many more great reasons. However, the problem is, who do you move in with? Well, due to careful analysis and a consultation with the team at Zikoko Statistics, we’ve narrowed down the best option, which is your ex. 

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

    Monitoring their moves and behaviour never got easy. Plus, if you’re the toxic one in the relationship and you’re scared they might want to retaliate and do something absolutely batshit, you have a chance to keep a really close eye on them. 

    Inspires you to do better with your life 

    You can’t let your ex think you’re doing terribly without them. You can rub your success in their face, so take it. Go to the gym, maintain a healthy social life and cosplay as a mentally stable adult. Plus, do you know how embarrassing it’ll be for you if your ex comes to tell you that you’re late for rent payment? If that’s not enough motivation to work hard, we don’t know what is. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: Love Isn’t Always Enough

    Easy access to their DNA in case you’ve not healed enough

    As much as we want to pretend we’ve healed enough from the terrible relationship, sometimes only revenge can help you move on. If you and your ex live together, you can access their hair, saliva, blood, skin, etc. Enough that you can take it to your herbalist and place a heavy curse on them.

    It’s giving enemies to lovers

    We said we’re going to romanticise our lives this year, so why not start by doing something that looks like it came from the pages of your favourite young adult novel? 

    RELATED: A Case for Your Favourite Ex: The Oloriburuku You Know Is Better than the One You Don’t

    It’s new and different

    People have lived with romantic partners, best friends, family members, etc and they’re always complaining about how badly it turned out. Do something out of the box. Who knows, this might be the one that works out. 

    For the plot

    It might not be good for you mentally, but it’ll be good for the plot and sometimes we should just do things because it’ll be good for the plot called life. 

    You get to sabotage their future relationships

    How many people will feel comfortable dating someone that’s living with their ex? Exactly! If they stressed you out, you must stress them out. 

    RELATED: So You Want to Be Friends With Your Ex?

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    The subjects of this Sunken Ships, Eno* (23) and Emem* (21), share how love wasn’t enough in their relationship. They talk to us about the situations surrounding their breakup, choosing to remain friends and thoughts on getting back together. 

    How did the two of you meet? 

    Eno: We met in person in January 2020, but we started texting in December 2019 when I responded to one of her tweets. 

    She’ had mentioned she was coming to get yarn somewhere around my office for something she was crocheting. I jokingly asked her to buy me food. She did, and I gave her the most horrible directions she never let me live down. 

    Emem: Emphasis on the horrible directions part. I don’t know how they do it, but they can make you get lost on a straight road. I decided to come see them because I was bored. Also, we had been texting a lot leading up to that time, so I just thought seeing them wouldn’t be bad. It became a thing where whenever I was anywhere close to that area, I’d try to see them. 

    Eno: If we were not physically seeing each other, we were on calls for hours on end.  I was enamored by her and everything she did. I wondered how one person could be so full of life. She was amazing.

    Emem: Was? Ah. 

    Eno: Shut up. 

    LMAO. When did feelings get involved? 

    Eno: I realised she liked me in February when she tried to buy me a Valentine’s Day gift. She said she got gifts for all her friends, but she didn’t talk to me like someone who was talking to their friend. 

    Emem: Truly, I do buy gifts for my close friends every year, or I at least try to. With Eno, I said that because I didn’t think they liked me too. 

    Eno: I knew I had feelings for her, but I also had feelings for someone else. I couldn’t reconcile liking two people at once, and it kept leading to arguments. 

    I know it hit me one day in June. It was after one of our arguments. We weren’t speaking to each other, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. With every errand I ran, I wanted to share the silly things that happened to me with her. That’s when it hit me that oh, I was actually in love with this person. 

    Emem: We started dating in the first week of July. I texted them one day and was like why don’t we do this relationship thing. 

    Eno: I wanted to ask, but she beat me to it. She always beat me to everything. Her blood is too hot. 

    Emem: If I like something, I go after it. I don’t like wasting time. 

    What was the relationship like?

    Eno: We were in love, and it felt perfect-ish, like we made sense together. The good days were really good, but the bad days were really bad. She always got me; I didn’t have to struggle to explain certain things I did or why I did them. 

    We had a messy beginning, and it took a toll on the relationship. I hated to admit it, but it did. Loving her was easy though. Unfortunately, in many ways, we kept hurting each other. One thing she used to say was, “Love is not enough” and she was right because it wasn’t. 

    Emem: I’m a broken person, and the thought that a relationship could be without drama was very new to me. I felt like problems were necessary, so when we solved them, it felt wrong. 

    The beginning was messy because they were new to relationships and wanted to go at a much slower pace than me. I think that was the main problem of our relationship; we never walked at the same pace.

    I wanted to buy them all the gifts I could buy, and show them off. But they wanted to be more intimate, to spend more time together, getting to really know each other. I felt we could figure ourselves out later on in the relationship, but they thought we should do all of that in the beginning. 

    By the time they started picking up the pace, I’d slowed down. 

    Is that why you broke up?  

    Eno: I didn’t listen enough to her physical and emotional needs, so we became incompatible somehow. I didn’t make her feel loved and wanted. 

    Emem: Instead of communicating with them how I felt, I kept letting it pile up till I just burst from frustration and annoyance. I dated them for two years, and for half of that time, we were walking on thin ice around each other. 

    Eno: She stopped getting me the way she used to. It’s like she forgot there were other parts of me than the ones she already knew. 

    She stopped asking me what movies I enjoyed and just kept referring the ones I watched when I was a teenager. It felt like she was stuck on the person she met and not the one she was growing in a relationship with. 

    Emem: We should’ve broken up a long time ago, but by November 2022, I knew we couldn’t enter the New Year the way we were, so I asked that we break up. 

    Eno: Every day after the breakup was hell. I cried so much and couldn’t eat, and I was miserable. I couldn’t share jokes with her or see her, and God, I cried. I cried on the bus and the road. Everywhere. I have no idea how I got anything done. 

    I knew we were going to break up, but I hoped we wouldn’t. Even though I was prepared for the possibility of a break up, the reality knocked the wind out of me. I was rendered useless. 

    I felt alone in my sadness. I didn’t know if I meant anything or if we were important. I hated the awkwardness that came with texting her. It was like a grating noise. She called me my name one time during text instead of the nickname she gave me and I cried myself to sleep.

    Emem: I may have asked that we break up, but I cried a lot. There were days when I’d want to call and tell them about my day, but I couldn’t. The realisation would lead to more tears. It was a lot. They’d weaved themselves into every corner of my life, and I couldn’t escape them. Their birthday is my password, so every time I opened my phone I was reminded of the fact that this person was no longer in my life. They were friends with my friends and we even had to do some work together. Even the book I was reading in school was bought for me by them. I couldn’t escape. 

    I felt like I had made a huge mistake with the break up, but at the same time, I knew I did the right thing. We needed to work on ourselves away from each other.  

    Eno: I missed all the silly things that made no sense to anyone but us, her teasing me, having someone be more excited than me about my stupid interests. I missed her in her entirety. 

    I also missed her mum. I didn’t know how much of our lives had become so intertwined until the break-up. She was unavoidable. I didn’t even want to avoid her. 

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    Is that why you’re still friends?

    Eno: To be honest, it was hard to be friends at first. I’d blocked her everywhere because everything was too painful a reminder of the relationship, but I missed her friendship. 

    We make the best friends. The jokes and conversations we have, I love them. I eventually responded to texts, called, and we fell into a comfortable routine a month after we broke up. 

    Emem: That’s my guy forever and ever. Even though the romantic part of our relationship suffered, the friendship was always there. We showed up for each other and even after we broke up, we still show up for each other. Being friends with Eno is a special type of relationship, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    Eno: Yeah, what she said. 

    Emem: I greatly dislike you. 

    Eno: You love me.

    Emem: I really do.

    Something you learnt from the breakup? 

    Eno: I learnt that I’d somehow lost my sense of self. I didn’t know how to be soft anymore, how to enjoy my company, and I’m capable of being bold and better. Also that she’s softer than she lets me know. 

    Emem: I’ve always been a softie, but yeah, I was too hard with you. It’s unfortunate that almost everyone saw the softest version of myself but the person I was supposed to be in a relationship with. I learnt that I have problems, and I’m trying to work on them. But I’m enjoying this whole being single thing for now. 

    Do you see yourselves getting back together?

    Eno: Yes. Well, I hope so. 

    Emem: Yeah, I do, but like, not now. We have some personal things to discover. 

    Eno: And we need to make sure we won’t make the same mistakes we made the last time.

    Emem: Period, bestie. 

    What do you plan to do differently?

    Eno: If I feel more secure spending time with myself, I’d be able to show up more for her and actually listen to her and not just hear what I think. I’ll show her how much I love her at every given moment and make the silly TikTok with her. I’ll dance on the road with her and just enjoy her without asking her to be more or less than she is. 

    Emem: I’ll talk about things more. I didn’t know when I became so closed off to them, but I plan on opening up more. In fact, I’m even trying now. Abi? 

    Eno: Yes, you are. 

    Emem: Baby steps and a lot of hard work, but I try because I love the idiot.

    Eno: I might maybe love you too. 

    Emem: LMAO. You’re adorable.

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