Hello, and welcome to today’s class.
Today’s lesson is simple and straight to the point. No beating around the bush or cutting corners. No making promises at the beginning and only fulfilling at the end.
Sometimes, being in a relationship is great. You find someone that loves and adores you completely and would pull down the moon and stars just to put a smile on your face.
At other times, being a single pringle in the muddy streets is a better option for you because the person you’re with acts like you’re in a long-distance relationship (even though you live in the same city) and moves like they’re your biggest opp.
Maybe you didn’t know better then, but now you do. Now, you’ve realised this person doesn’t care about you, and it’s time to let them go and move on with your life. But for some reason, this very recent ex has now decided this is the time to move like Sanwo-Olu – be in your face 24/7 and start fulfilling all the promises they made unprovoked.
Here are some things they might do to win you back and all the ways you can free yourself from their shackles and tell them to kindly pack their load and geddifok.
First, the love bombing
The first thing that ex would do is blow up your phone. See, they literally have nothing better taking up their time, so they’ll disturb your life with calls, texts, and stalk your social media. They might even start sewing threads and professing their love for you on Twitter.
What to do? Ignore them. They didn’t have your time before you gave them the boot, and they won’t have your time if you take them back. As a matter of fact, if you take them back, they might double the shege they showed you the first time and really press your neck this time.
So avoid them, block them on Twitter, and block their numbers. If they use their company accounts to tweet at you or email you, block those accounts too.
Then your love will start costing more than a dime
When hounding you on social media and blowing up your phone with calls don’t work, they’ll try to buy back your love. They’ll send you discount codes for rides around your city, return the stuff they took from you and act all apologetic about it.
They might even find a way to reach out to your place of employment and get you that raise you’ve been begging for. And that’s a red flag. If they could do this before, why did they choose to wait until now?
What to do? Take it. Take everything they’re offering because you deserve it, and then shut the door in their face because they deserve it.
READ: Please Keep Your Sorry, 8 Reasons Why More People Should Keep Malice
And they’ll really be everywhere you go
If your ex still doesn’t get the memo and doesn’t have the decency to see that you no longer want them, the next thing on their list will most likely be to attack your eyes. This ex will suddenly be everywhere — on your friend’s Instagram story, Whatsapp status, heck, they might even try showing up on your tv screen.
What to do? Turn off your TV, block the people that won’t stop posting them everywhere, and regain your peace of mind.
They weren’t doing it before, but now they’ll want to be your shoulder to cry on
You’ll think blocking them, and their associates will mean you’re no longer their problem, but you’ll be wrong. Somehow, this ex that never cared how you rolled out of bed in the morning or how your day went will find out about the two new people chasing you and showing you love all over the place. Instead of them returning to their house and letting you enjoy your life, they’ll start trying to one-up them.
You don’t feel too well? They’ll send a doctor to your house in the morning and food in the afternoon. They’ll start moving with vim, trying to fix your life.
What to do? Say tufiakwa and look away. You’re too smart to fall for lunch trays and check-in visits.
And now, cue the slander, gaslighting and general denial of all wrongs done.
Sometimes, people lie when they say they want you to be happy. Nobody tells this lie more than that ex. After telling them nonstop that you’re no longer interested in them and trying your best to move on. They’ll start peddling lies and rumours about your new beau. They’ll try to paint their black white and call you blind while at it. They’ll tell you that the person you know for a fact is their glucose guardian, is just a long lost relative, and that they didn’t do all the things you saw them do.
What to do? Marvel at their ability to lie fluently and shut the door in their face. Because they’re attacking your mental health and calling you an idiot at this point , and you can’t take that.
Chances of your ex letting you be after all their futile attempts are sadly still very low, so all you can really do now is dodge them and hope they tire out sooner rather than later.
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