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  • In 2022, Folake* (27) suddenly found herself homeless and broke after her long-time boyfriend ended their relationship. In this story, she shares how the breakup was her wake-up call to make better financial decisions and what rebuilding has looked like.

    As Told To Boluwatife 

    One night in August 2022, I tapped my boyfriend, Tunde*, awake, ready for war.

    When he opened his eyes, I presented him with evidence I’d painstakingly gathered over two weeks: screenshots of chats, selfies and voice notes to prove his infidelity. 

    I’d discovered he was cheating on me with multiple women by chance. One random girl had messaged me on Snapchat: “Hi dear, sorry to bother you, but are you dating Tunde?”

    I laughed at first because I knew what that meant. She was coming to me “woman to woman” to claim she had a thing with my man. 

    I thought, “Surely, this babe is joking. Not my Tunde.”

    Then she sent screenshots and pictures. Tons of pictures. 

    My blood ran cold. My chest was tight. For a few hours, I convinced myself it was a prank. Then, I systematically went through his phone for weeks and saw enough to write a Tyler Perry movie.

    When I confronted him that night, I expected drama, begging, maybe even tears. I desperately wanted him to explain and give me excuses — a reason to forgive him. 

    It sounds pitiful, but Tunde was my world. We’d been together for four years and lived together for three. I just wanted us to go back to how things were. Instead, Tunde looked me dead in the eye and said, “So, you’ve found out. What do you want me to do?”

    I thought my ears weren’t working. I asked him, “Is that what you’re supposed to say?” 

    He calmly said, “You’re the reason I do all this rubbish, Folake. You’re too controlling. Maybe we should take a break to figure out what we really want.”

    I couldn’t say a word. Four years gone, just like that.

    The Breakup That Almost Broke Me

    Two days later, Tunde asked if I could “give him space” for a while. That was code for “pack your things.”

    The statement triggered a realisation that pushed my heartbreak to the background: I had absolutely nothing. 

    Nowhere to go, no property and no money.

    I’d moved in with Tunde immediately after uni, and had essentially built my life around him. Everything I had was ours. He was the breadwinner, but I poured all my heart and soul into the relationship. 

    I thought we were “building together,” so I didn’t think twice about channelling whatever small money I made as a beginner makeup artist to what I believed was our home: taking care of food, buying fuel, and getting Tunde gifts. Sometimes, I even lent him money that I never got back. 

    I thought we were a team, so I never worried. I didn’t even have savings of my own because, why would I? Tunde handled everything I needed. I honestly didn’t think I lacked anything. 

    The breakup was a wake-up call.

    I’m ashamed to say I begged Tunde a little. He cheated on me, but I was the one doing the pleading. I begged him to consider our love and let us work things out. When he didn’t budge, I asked him to give me adequate time to get a place to stay. He refused.

    I cried for almost 24 hours straight. 

    I honestly thought my life was over. If not for my religion, I would’ve considered ending it all. 

    Tunde and I rarely had major fights. He’d cheated before, but swore never to do it again, and I trusted him. I didn’t check his phones or keep him from going out. He even spent whole weekends with his guys. So, his “control” allegations were very strange. It was like he just wanted an excuse to send me away.

    In the end, I wiped my tears, packed three years of my life and makeup tools into three travel boxes, and moved into my friend Ronke’s one-room apartment.

    On the day I left, I had just ₦15k in my bank account. 

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    The Financial Reality Check

    For the first time in a long time, I was broke. 

    The worst thing was that I couldn’t even call home for help. I had fought with my parents and sister over this same guy because they didn’t like his job and wanted me to leave him. 

    Even though we still kept in touch, I wasn’t as close to my family as I had been before, due to their constant complaints about Tunde. 

    I knew telling them about my situation would only lead to them mocking me. So, I decided to face my struggles on my own.

    My only saving graces were Ronke and my handiwork. My world might have scattered, but at least I had a skill that could feed me and a place to lay my head.

    So, I started rebuilding. 

    It was hard. I had initially told Ronke I’d squat with her for three months. My thinking was that I’d hustle for as many makeup jobs as possible, gather money and rent my own place. But it wasn’t as easy as I imagined. 

    Firstly, I didn’t have a shop. I’d only learnt makeup to have a skill, not because I wanted to make it a business. My dream business was to open a fashion store, which Tunde had promised to set up. So, up until I became homeless, my clients were the girlfriends of Tunde’s friends who knew what I did. They came to the house when they needed my services and sometimes gave me ₦5k or ₦10k as a thank you.

    As a result, I didn’t have an actual customer base. I had to start afresh, opening a business page on social media and beginning to market my work. I didn’t get any clients for four months. It was even more difficult because I could only offer home services. I didn’t have a shop where people could walk in. Most of the time, I just did makeup for my friend so I could take videos and post them online. 

    Also, when I managed to find clients, I couldn’t just keep all the money. I had to contribute to the household’s expenses and support my friend, as she was essentially feeding me.

    I ended up squatting with my friend for almost two years. I don’t know why I thought I could manage to stand alone in three months. Maybe living with Tunde and relying fully on him made me blind to the financial realities of surviving in Nigeria. 

    During those two years with Ronke, I was in a constant cycle of hustle, settling bills and trying to save money. Yes, that saving I didn’t do before? No one told me to take it seriously. 

    Ronke — God bless her for me — didn’t pressure or make me feel like an inconvenience, but I knew I had to actively plan my finances so I never had to be stranded again.

    I learnt to follow a budget for the first time in my adult life. Whenever I got paid for a job, I divided the money into two: half to my savings account and half to my spending account. I didn’t even spend the half in my account on myself, I used it to settle bills at my friend’s house and buy tools to upgrade my business.

    In 2023, I found a hairstylist who owned a salon around Ronke’s area and begged her to give me a small space in her shop for my clients. She agreed and let me pay her ₦5k weekly for the space. That’s how I got a walk-in “shop”.

    Fortunately for me, the hairstylist’s clients started to patronise me too. I also began getting returning clients from social media. 

    By 2024, I’d saved ₦350k, and my sister borrowed me ₦100k extra so I could rent my own one-room apartment. 

    The apartment felt like I was taking my first deep breath in two years. 

    Starting Over from Scratch

    Since I cleared my savings for rent, I had to live in that room with no furniture for the first six months. I didn’t even have a mattress. But I slept on the floor with pride and happiness. 

    It wasn’t the soft life I was used to. No AC or Netflix like in Tunde’s house, but this was my own place. No one could wake up one day and send me away.

    Gradually, I began to turn the apartment into a home. I bought a mattress, plastic chairs and a few kitchen utensils. I started feeling proud of myself again. There were times when I missed the comfort of relying on Tunde, but I had to fight through.

    Eventually, my peace of mind came back. I realised I used to treat love like a financial plan. I gave my stability to a man and called it a partnership.

    Now, I was building something real by myself.

    I still don’t have everything I need, but I’ve come a long way since 2022. I’m not rich, but I’m stable. I have ₦200k in savings and no debt. I already have my rent saved somewhere. I’m even planning to get my own shop soon.

    Last month, Tunde texted me. Something about “catching up” and “missing what we had.”

    I didn’t even open the chat. I archived it and went back to my life. God forbid I return to what almost took my life.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: I Was a House Girl in Egypt for Two Years. I Came Back With Nothing

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  • Christina* (25) and David* (26) met in 2018 and spent years as close friends before crossing the line into something more. But what began as a mix of friendship and romance soon exposed secrets, tested loyalties, and clashing values that eventually pulled them apart. In this article, they talk about their relationship and what led them to split up.

    This is Christina and David’s story as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa

    Christina: We met through a mutual friend in 2018. We were all preparing to enter uni, and I tagged along to a tutorial. Honestly, I didn’t rate David at first. I’d heard about his messy love triangle with two girls in the group, which coloured my impression. I befriended one of the girls and naturally took her side.

    David: That so-called love triangle was exaggerated. I wasn’t dating or playing anyone. They were just crushes within the group, and I tried not to take sides so it wouldn’t distract from our studies.

    Christina: Either way, he wasn’t someone I saw romantically. I make friends easily, so he was just another buddy. Still, we started hanging out more. By the time we got into the same school in 2019, he’d become my best friend.

    David: My feelings shifted about eight months in. If we didn’t talk for a day, I felt incomplete. That’s when I knew I liked her. But I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to risk the friendship. When I finally told her in 2020, she turned me down.

    Christina: Even after that, it was strictly platonic for me. I’ve always had a lot of male friends, and David was just one of them. He was also dating someone at the time who didn’t like how close we were. To avoid problems, I even told him we had to reduce how much we talked.

    David: That was hard because I valued our friendship too much. I managed to suppress my feelings until around 2021. Christina has never been big on physical boundaries, and we’d playfully touch or hold each other. Over time, those little moments started meaning more to me, even though she’d also gotten into a relationship.

    Christina: Maybe I had unconscious feelings too, but I was focused on not proving his girlfriend right.  To me, David was just my guy. 

    Then, one night, everything changed after a fight with my boyfriend. The relationship had been rocky for a while, and I’d already checked out mentally. I called David to calm me down, and he suggested drinks at his place. After too many shots, we had sex.

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    David: We were both vulnerable that night. I’d just found out my girlfriend cheated, and even though I’d been suppressing my attraction to Christina, we connected over the mess in our relationships.

    Christina: The next morning, my boyfriend apologised, but his action only confused me. My bigger worry was David. I felt like I’d ruined our friendship by crossing boundaries. I panicked and ran off to stay with a friend in Lagos for a few weeks.

    David: She ignored me for days. Even after she returned, the tension was there. I felt like if we weren’t moving forward into something real, we couldn’t go back to the way things were.

    Christina: David actually asked if we could date, but I refused. My boyfriend was still in the picture, and I was scared of losing David’s friendship if things went wrong. 

    But as things got more awkward and my feelings grew, I eventually called him and told him we could date if the offer still stood. By then, months had passed, and he downgraded what we shared to a situationship.

    David: At the time, I’d officially broken up with my ex. I’d processed my feelings and knew I wasn’t ready for another serious relationship. I liked Christina too much to make her a rebound. Even if she describes it as a situationship, I don’t think that was the case. It was more of a “let’s see how things go before making it official.”

    Christina: On December 31st, 2021, we sealed it. I loved that we could have it all — best friends, but a couple also hooking up. It felt like a sweet way to end the year.

    David: We just slipped into a rhythm. She’d come over to my place almost every day, and we’d spend time together. It felt like the best of both worlds.

    Christina: We were great, but little issues piled up over time. Because it was a situationship, I didn’t feel I had the right to complain. Still, I didn’t like that he hid our relationship from his friends. Once, he even stepped outside to take a call, and even though I complained about it, I kept thinking, “Do I even have the right to be upset?”

    David: Until she said something, I didn’t realise she had a problem with our arrangement. In my mind, we were a couple. I treated her like a girlfriend and only kept things low-key because I didn’t want my guys to judge her unfairly. It was about controlling the narrative, not denying her.

    Christina: My own friends knew about him, but they didn’t like him. They compared him to my ex, especially physically. David wasn’t cool with them either and tried to pressure me to cut them off.

    I never had issues with his friends, until one day, while using his phone, I discovered he’d been discussing my personal family issues with a female friend. When I confronted him, he locked the chat. That broke my trust.

    David: I’ll admit I messed up there. I wasn’t trying to disrespect her. That friend didn’t understand why Christina was sometimes cold to people, so I tried to explain the situation using things she’d confided in me. I locked the chat afterwards for privacy, but I can see how it looked bad.

    Christina: It became one of those things I couldn’t let go of. I was especially uneasy about his friendship with her because David and I had started out the same way. 

    Another issue was his constant pressure for me to cook for him, even though I repeatedly said I hated cooking.

    David: I grew up in a home where food was central to relationships, so it became one of my love languages. If we were thinking about a future together, it mattered to me that she could feed our family. I wasn’t asking her to cook every day, just regularly. But our arguments made me start doubting if we could work long-term. Her refusal felt like stubbornness.

    Christina: Doing something I hated just to prove my love felt like slavery. The fact that it became a dealbreaker for him made me feel unappreciated. I’d already compromised in other ways. For example, I’m very outgoing, but I toned that side of myself down for him. I even quit my job at a club because he wasn’t comfortable with it. Yet when it came to cooking, he couldn’t bend for me.

    From then on, I noticed his attitude changed. As our first anniversary approached, we’d planned to spend New Year’s Eve together, but at the last minute, he cancelled because his friends were coming over. I felt so disrespected that he put them over me.

    David: I handled that situation badly. It was last-minute, and I didn’t think it through. My communication was poor, but I tried to make it up to her.

    Christina: That was his pattern. Anytime we had issues, he’d apologise and then love-bomb me with sweet messages and extra attention, only to slip back into the same habits once I softened. It felt manipulative.

    David: I never saw it as manipulation;  it was self-correction. I notice when I mess up and try to change. But I admit, habits are hard to unlearn.

    Christina: Our biggest fight happened mid-2023. He made a birthday post of  that same friend — the one whose chat he’d locked— and captioned it “Nobody can come between our friendship.” Considering my issues with her, it felt like a direct shot at me.

    I didn’t confront him because I knew he would deny it. Instead, I pulled back. We stopped sleeping together. I posted heartbreak memes, and he responded indirectly on his statuses. It all felt childish. By the end of the year, I blocked him everywhere.

    David: That caption had nothing to do with Christiana. If she suspected something, she could’ve just asked me. But her friends stirred things up, and she kept reading meanings into everything I posted. 

    It hurt when she blocked me without a word, but I let go for her peace. However, I created a parody Snapchat account just to see how she was doing.

    Christina: If he cared that much, why didn’t he reach out directly? He just doesn’t want to admit that, even before I blocked him, he’d already checked out because he was secretly cheating with his current girlfriend.

    David: To be clear, we weren’t physical when I was with Christina. But I admit it doesn’t make emotional cheating acceptable. By the time I started seeing her, Christina and I had already stopped sleeping together. With how cold she’d become, this new person felt like a safe escape from stress. But I admit I should’ve handled the overlap better.

    Christina:  I didn’t even know he was cheating when I blocked him. I only found out months later through screenshots from his girlfriend’s mutual friend. It hurt me, but by then we were done. What frustrated me most was that he never fully took responsibility.

    David: Being blocked without explanation felt like a verdict without a trial. Even after she unblocked me earlier this year and we talked about the past, I still believe we could’ve worked things out if she’d let us talk first.

    Christina: I started the year with a resolution to forgive people who had hurt me, and David was somewhere on that list. I realised I was wrong to cut him off the way I did. That was why I reached out to him, even though he is still in a relationship that caused me pain. 

    I’m trying my best to keep things civil and not slip back into our old friendship. If we did, we might end up falling into the same patterns, and there’s no point trying again if the same issues that ended us would still be there.

    David: I believe we can stay friends, especially since my relationship is solid. But I don’t believe in impossibilities, so I understand her fears. I don’t think we would face the same problems if we ever got back together. In the two years we spent apart, I matured and learned about my excesses.

    Want to feature with an ex? Click here

    Read Next: 10 Husbands, 1 Question: Would You Marry Your Wife Again?

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  • Breakups are hard, but they hit different when your partner decides to make a public service announcement about it online. Whether you’re the victim or the villain in the story, here’s your ultimate Zikoko guide to navigating post-breakup internet drama like a pro.

    1. Pause before reacting

    The streets are waiting for your clapback, but don’t give them the satisfaction. Take a moment to breathe and let your emotions settle. A rushed response could make you the meme of the week.

    2. Document everything

    You need receipts for future reference. Whether it’s for your therapist, lawyer, or group chat, you’ll thank yourself for documenting the mess.

    3. Check if they tagged you

    If your ex tagged you in the breakup post, it’s game on. You can’t be blindsided like that without deciding whether to untag, block, or drop an equally dramatic post.

    4. Secure your social media

    Change your passwords, lock down your accounts, and prepare for random trolls sliding into your DMs. The internet is full of overzealous judges.

    5. Update your bio

    Were you one of those couples with matching bios? Quickly edit yours before people start zooming in and analysing your emotional state. 

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    6. Alert your squad

    Before your friends learn from the blogs, send a quick SOS to your inner circle. They need to be armed and ready to defend your honour online.

    7. Mute your ex

    Unfollowing them might seem dramatic, so mute their account instead. Out of sight, out of mind, but still within reach for reconnaissance.

    8. Curate your own narrative

    If you must address the situation, keep it classy. A simple “We’ve decided to part ways, but I wish them the best” will do. No need to turn it into an episode of The Real Housewives of Instagram.

    9. Prepare for public questions

    Everyone from your nosy aunty to your office colleagues will ask, “What happened?” Have a generic response ready, like, “We just grew apart.”

    10. Stay off social media

    As tempting as it is to scroll through comments dissecting your relationship, resist the urge. Social media is a circus, and you don’t need to perform.

    If you need support with going through a rough divorce or breakup, don’t hesitate to get in touch with a self-help service provider like this one.

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    Chika (24) had a pretty sweet life and solid friends in Nigeria, so when his parents told him they had processed his visa to the UK, he rebelled against it, but later, he came around. In this Abroad Life episode, Chika talks about leaving for the UK a day after his NYSC and finding his footing in the country.

    Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

    I live in England, and I left Nigeria in October 2023, a day after my National Youth Service Corpe (NYSC) Passing Out Parade (POP)

    How did you leave?

    I left on a student visa; I’m here for my master’s.

    Is there a reason you chose that route and the part of England you stay in?

    There’s no particular reason. When I arrived, I stayed in London for a bit with my sister, but she got a job in this city, so I had to move with her. It wasn’t easy to manoeuvre school, but I did it because I had no choice. I had just arrived, and I had no job or money to get my own place.

    I’m also not the kind of person to burden anyone, so I had to just stay with my sister and find my way to school. But I didn’t go every time I had lectures. Sometimes I did it the Nigerian way and asked someone to sign my attendance for me.

    Was there a reason you moved immediately after your NYSC?

     Trust me, it wasn’t planned. I guess it was just God’s plan.

    You must have been working towards it at some point. How did that happen?

    My parents instigated it, and I was against it. I didn’t want to travel, so I rebelled against the idea. I was enjoying my time with my boys, doing drive-throughs and stuff. 

     Nigeria was really fun for me, and I was doing just fine.  There were already signs I was going to be retained at the company I worked at so I saw no reason to travel.

    That said, I accepted my parent’s plans later on.  I felt like it was going to work if God wanted it to, so I gave it a shot.  People thought it was something I had been planning for a very long time, but the whole thing took about three months or so.

    Can you walk me through the process?

    My parents and my uncle had already started working on the process before I was in the loop.

    I usually dropped my important documents like my NECO, WAEC, and testimonials with my dad. My uncle also works in my secondary school, so it was pretty easy to start the admission process without me. It was when they needed other documents (my transcript certificate) that they involved me. Like I said, I initially rebelled, but I ultimately gave them everything they needed. After that, all he told me was I needed to go for my interview, biometrics, and all that. Everything happened so fast. That’s how I knew God actually wanted it to happen, so I just gave in as much as I could.

    Did your parents process the whole thing themselves because they already knew you wouldn’t want to leave?

    Not really. I think my parents have always sought an easy way for their kids because they sort of foresaw the way Nigeria would turn out.

    That’s really nice and thoughtful. So, did they pick your course of study?

    My dad and I had tons of conversations about masters prior to this, so he already knew my choice.

    That makes a lot of sense. So, how has life been since you got to the UK?

    I can’t say it’s good. I can’t say it’s bad.

    Oh, okay. Please tell me more.

    It’s mostly because I was only able to make a friend about eight months after I moved here.

    Ah, your first friend? 

    Yeah. He’s Nigerian, and I connected with him through TikTok. But before then, I had already bumped into him twice on my way to work.

    That’s very interesting. I’m curious about why it took you that long to make your first friend

    All I do is go to school, come back home, shop for groceries, come back home, go to work, come back home, or go on a stroll and come back home.

    So, have you tried expanding your community?

    Not really. I feel like another reason why I’ve found it hard doing that is because making new friends online is okay for me, but I’m not really so keen on making new friends physically because I feel like the devil I know is even better than the one I don’t. 

    Once, I tried making friends with someone I met on the bus. We live ten minutes away from each other, but after we met like twice and I walked her home, we haven’t seen each other again. I mostly just talk to my friends online and make TikToks. That’s my life here, but I’m willing to expand.

    Would you consider living in England lonely compared to the life you had in Nigeria? 

    It’s not like it’s lonely. I’m normally a very social person, but I haven’t really been able to be that person here because of the things I’ve had to do. Also, I don’t just make friends with just anybody. I like creating strong and proper connections. And I actually have friends in the UK, only that they live so far away. My social life will definitely change once I’m done with my master’s.

    How so, though?

    First, I’m going to move out of my sister’s house. When I stay on my own, my friends can come over, and I can go over to my friends. I can also explore other lifestyles, going into fashion content and modelling and stuff. I want to get serious with things I used to do in Nigeria that I just had to put on hold because of my master’s.

    Let’s talk a bit more about you living with your sister. What is it like?

    It’s just like living with family, which has always been normal and fun. It’s just like leaving home for home.

    Would you say that living with your sibling limited your social freedom in a way?

    Not really. In fact, I can actually say it was me who limited myself because they know I’m an adult who can decide things for myself. It’s not like they can stop me from going out if I want to. The least they can do is tell me to be careful and stay safe.

    You said earlier that you didn’t want to leave Nigeria because you had fun with your boys. What was so special about that life?

    It was the bond and the fact that we all shared the same life and interests. They were people I could relate to. We like the same things. I love cars, and they do, too. It’s so easy that we never planned our outings; they just happened.

    One can’t have everything, but I had the things that I could. Having real and sincere friends is one of the best things in this life. Friendship is not something that is just so easy to get and I had mine for six years and over.

    So, what is the most interesting part about living in the UK for you?

    One of the good things about living in the UK is that your eyes will be opened to things that you didn’t know before. Another thing is that it exposes you to things that can actually help you make a more profitable life for yourself. I also like creating content on TikTok, and the UK makes that easier.

    Have you witnessed any culture shocks since moving to the UK?

    Quite a lot. There are many sexy cars here that aren’t in Nigeria. I’m sorry, the first time I’m talking about is a car, but I can’t help it.

    The laws are also a culture shock, but they make sense because they keep us safe. In Nigeria, many people are scared of walking in the night because of the risks, but you can literally walk in the UK at 1 a.m., or 2 a.m. without fear. I think it depends on the city, though, but it’s generally safe.

    The weather is another shocker, too. UK weather is bi-polar. I always say that I can’t be friends or even date someone who is as bipolar as the weather here.

    Speaking of dating. I mean, if you took it this long to find a friend, I’m wondering if anything has happened to your dating life since you moved to the UK. 

    I’ve not been in any relationship since I’ve been in the UK. My previous relationship became tough months before I left Nigeria, so we broke up. I think it’s also one of the reasons why I gave the UK a chance. I just wanted to get a breath of fresh air because I was mentally and emotionally messed up. It really affected me.

    Do you mind telling me why it affected you enough to influence your move?

    I had an emotional and mental breakdown. Everything around me revolved around her. She was a part of me already. My family knew already, too; we dated for about three years and were on our way to the fourth.

    On a scale of one to 10, how happy would you say you are with your life in the UK?

    I’m not sure, but I’ll say 8.5. It’s good, but things could be better. I had a breakdown a few months ago because of school stress. It’s not fully great, but it’s still really good.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT). 

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  • We all have that one ex who’s impossible to forget and the other one you don’t even remember until Facebook memories rudely remind you. 

    We ranked the exes from easiest to hardest to move on from.

    11. The Detty December ex

    You met them during that one Detty December or summer holiday. They were all vibes and good times, but once reality kicked in, so did the end of your “romance.” Moving on from this ex is easy because you both knew it wasn’t that deep. It’s more nostalgia than actual heartbreak.

    10. The long-distance ex

    It was exciting at first—WhatsApp calls, love letters in emails, and saving money for trips to see each other. But when the timezone differences and expensive travel got tiring, you both knew you had to pack it up. Moving on is easy AF because the emotional distance came way before the physical one.

    9. The situationship ex

    You never even officially dated; you just existed in a permanent state of vibes and inshallah, hoping they’d one day claim you. When it ended, the hardest part was realising you’d wasted emotional energy on someone who never gave a real shit about you. But once you accept that, moving on becomes relatively straightforward.

    8. The ‘We grew apart’ ex

    There was no drama or betrayal, just the realisation that you both weren’t made for each other. Maybe they moved away, or you both matured in ways that weren’t compatible anymore. This one hurts, but mutual respect makes wishing them well and moving on easier.

    7. The work bae ex

    Every time you enter the office or open a Zoom meeting, there they are. Seeing them regularly makes moving on harder, but the moment they get a new job or you do, it’s like an instant breath of fresh air. Out of sight, out of mind.

    6. The one you cheated on ex

    The guilt is real, and it makes it hard to move on. You keep replaying the mistakes, wishing you could fix them. But with time, therapy, or new distractions, you start forgiving yourself.

    5. The one who cheated on you ex

    Ah, the betrayal from this one frequently burns your chest and threatens to unalive you. The heartbreak and the dent to your self-esteem can linger for a long time. Even when you feel like you’ve moved on, trust issues and flashbacks can still haunt you in your next relationship. Healing takes a while, but it’s possible.

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    4. The hot fuck ex

    Let’s be honest, the ex who knows how to make your river flow is hard AF to forget. You’re constantly getting flashbacks, and the image of their genitalia is forever etched in your memory. You might have broken up for good reasons, but that physical chemistry? Unmatched. Moving on is tough because you can’t help but compare every new partner to them. It’s a struggle, but one day, you’ll meet someone who gives you their type of orgasm again.

    3. The best friend-turned-lover ex

    You didn’t just lose a lover; you lost a friend. The person who knew you best, your inside jokes, and your secret fears is now just a memory. Moving on is painful because you miss their presence in your life, but you also know it’s too complicated to remain friends.

    2. The ‘Almost happily ever after’ ex

    You saw a future with them and convinced yourself they were your last bus stop. Maybe you were even planning a wedding or talking about kids. Losing this ex feels like mourning an entire life that will never happen. Moving on is hard AF because it involves grieving not just them but also the dreams you had together.

    1. The soulmate ex

    The hardest of all. The person who felt like your other half, who understood you in ways no one else did. Even years later, their ghost lingers, showing up in random songs or the scent of their favourite perfume. Moving on from this ex can feel like an eternal wound, but eventually, you learn to live with the scar.

    Read this next: 7 Cheaper Alternatives to Matching Pyjamas for Christmas and New Year

  • Breakups have a way of sneaking up on you, and sometimes, the signs are clearer in hindsight. 

    We spoke to seven people about the unforgettable moments leading up to their breakups. Here’s how they knew it was over—or didn’t.

    Blessing*

    I dreamt we had a huge fight, and he said he was breaking up with me. Our relationship was in a delicate place at the time, and all the reassuring we’d been doing wasn’t working anymore. When I woke up, I saw several voice notes from him about how glad he was that we had crossed paths and how beautiful the future looked for us. I should have known he was fattening the cow for slaughter. The next day, he invited me to dinner and gave me the most impeccable “It’s not you, it’s me” sermon I’d ever heard. I couldn’t even be mad because he presented his case so well that I nodded in agreement. He dropped me home that night, and that was when it dawned on me.

    Bukola*

    That whole week, I knew something was off. He was acting erratic—buying me things I’d asked for ages ago, then swinging into bad mood. I got the dreaded “We need to talk” message on Friday night on WhatsApp. I didn’t overthink it; I just assumed I’d done something wrong, and he was finally ready to address it. I went to bed, scrolling through our pictures and throwback videos. The next day, I found out his “need to talk” was actually a breakup. I didn’t see it coming, and it messed me up.

    Debbie*

    We broke up on a Tuesday. The night before, he didn’t call to say goodnight or chat about my day, which was weird because it was a tradition we’d followed for as long as I could remember. I assumed he’d had a long day or that his work trip to Ogun had tired him. I told myself I’d bring it up the next day. Jokes on me because there was no “us” the next day. I woke up to a long breakup text he sent in the middle of the night, knowing I’d be asleep.

     [ad]

    Ayo*

    The day before? It felt like any other day. We spent it at my place since we were both on leave. We cooked, watched our favourite TV show while cuddling, went for a run, and had the best sex ever. Something about the intimacy felt different, though—she let me do things she’d usually stop, and I let her do things I wasn’t a fan of. That night, we fell asleep listening to our favourite playlist. The next morning, she asked to talk and then dumped me.

    Raymond*

    The day before, I had small panic attacks. I felt this unsettling sense that something was coming, even though I didn’t know what. When I feel like that, I pray and try not to leave the house, hoping I can hide from whatever evil is out there. The next day, she called me in the evening and broke up with me. Worst part? She was already seeing someone else.

    Ibrahim*

    She’d been cold and distant for three weeks before the breakup—cancelling plans, dodging my attempts to communicate and acting uninterested. The day before my birthday, I tried to get her to come over to plan what we’d do. She made up some weird excuse about her granny, and it didn’t add up. Thoughts of getting dumped started creeping in; I didn’t want to believe it. The next morning, a delivery guy showed up with a huge package from her. I thought all the weirdness had been part of a plan to surprise me. I opened the note, and that’s how I found out I’d been dumped. She didn’t even let me enjoy my birthday in peace.

    Henry*

    The day before, we had this heavy, emotional conversation. We were both crying, explaining how we were unintentionally hurting each other. We talked at my place, and afterwards, she insisted on returning home to Ajah, even though it was 9 p.m. and I live in Surulere. I tried to convince her to stay, but she was determined to leave. As her ride pulled away, something inside me knew it was the last time I’d see her. I was right—she broke up with me the next day and left for her master’s two months later.

    Read this next: All the Ways Friendship Breakups Are Worse Than Romantic Ones

  • If you’re here, then maybe you should leave that relationship

    Choose all that apply:

  • Christmas is just around the corner, and  people are prepping their matching PJs and getting their photographers ready.  But for some reason, you can’t stomach the thought of moving into the festive season with your current partner. We see and understand you. We also know how you can end that relationship so you can prepare for your soulmate.

    Send “It’s over” veggies

    We would say send flowers, but the dollar is on a steady rise;so is the price of fuel. So send a bouquet of ugwu, carrots, and scent leaves to show your appreciation for the love you shared.

    It’s not me, it’s you

    Instead of taking all the blame for the downfall of your relationship, tell them the truth: you had a great time together, but you can no longer deal with their bad character. If you return to your house soaked with water, charge it to the game.

    “You deserve better.”

    If they ask why you think so, refer them to your bank account. That should do the trick.

    “I love okpa”

    It’s the low-budget moimoi that’s out to get you. If you can’t even love yourself and choose better, how do they expect you to love them?

    READ: 7 Types of People You Shouldn’t Date

    Give them the ick

    If all else fails, find whatever makes their skin crawl and act accordingly. Just don’t overdo it and end up  becoming the creepy ex.

    Japa

    Tell them you’re leaving the country and you don’t believe in long-distance relationships. If they try to make you stay, report them to your mother as the weapon fashioned against you.

    ALSO READ: 6 Ways To Break Up Without Hurting Your Feelings

    “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”

    Tell them you need a break because you want the love you share to grow and blossom like never before. If they don’t believe you, remind them that absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder. 

    Disclaimer: These are stand-alone tips. If you use them together, anything your eyes see, take it.

    You might not have a boo for Burning Ram, but you’ll have all the eye candy and meat you desire.

  • Let’s not lie. Women give multiple chances. Screw up once? Apologise properly, and they’ll welcome you back with open arms. But everyone has a limit. 

    When they finally decide they’re done, they’ll do these eight things, and you’ll just know. 

    Speak to you in “corporate”

    “Can I please get the keys? Thank you”. Don’t worry. What happened to the extra u’s is about to happen to you.

    Air you

    If you think she’s going to sit you down and explain how you’ve wronged her, then think again. Doesn’t matter if it’s in person or over a device, you’ll try to talk to her, and she’ll ghost you.

    Cut and dye their hair

    If you wrong her today, and the next time you see her, she has a pink buzz cut, just forget about it. Move on with your life because the woman you used to know no longer exists.

    Call you by your full government name 

    Dead the sweet names. She’ll take you back to the day your mother gave birth to you and call you every name on your birth certificate.

    Block and delete 

    If you wake up in the morning and find that the only way you can communicate with her is via email. Good luck to you.

    Stop asking you to iron her clothes

    What are wrinkled clothes that she cannot wear outside? She’s done with you now, so go and find another person to play drycleaner with. Also, return her clothes and iron.

    Stop sending you funny videos

    She’s done with you, and you want to laugh? Please, what’s funny?

    Collect her belongings

    Think of women leaving their things at yours as them leaving crumbs that’ll lead them back to you. If she takes her belongings from you and your space, then pack it up because even a thousand men cannot bring her back.

  • We all agree friendship breakups hurt the most, especially when it’s unexpected. So we’re here to make sure you’re at least not blindsided when it happens. The moment your friend starts doing these things, know they’re about to cut you off. 

    They don’t pick up your call on the first ring

    First, they pick up after the first three rings. Next, they start making you call twice. Before you know it, they’ve blocked you. Better shine your eyes.

    You send them memes, and they don’t reply

    Every day, you surf the internet looking for ways to put a smile on their faces, and they can’t acknowledge your hard work? It won’t be long till they ghost you. Trust us. 

    They don’t comment on your pictures

    You post a hot picture on your status, and they can’t even send you a message to gas you up? Even small fire emoji they didn’t send? They clearly don’t love you, and it shows. 

    They put their partner first

    All their posts and tweets are always “My babe this. My babe that”. What about you? Don’t you do anything for them? Don’t they love you? They’re laying the foundation so they can claim they married their best friend when they cut you off. 

    They start giving you unsolicited advice

    Out of nowhere, your friend has started calling you out for spending your last ₦2k on shawarma or lying to get out of work. A good friend should support all your decisions, even the bad ones. So when they start pointing out your bad habits, o ti lo.

    They have inside jokes with other people

    They’re already making memories with others. There’s no way for them to defend this. And before you know it, they’ve forgotten about you. 

    They start keeping secrets from you

    You’re always the one giving them gist. Every time you ask them what’s happening, they’ll give you one vague response, “Nothing interesting”. They know what they’re doing. 

    They return the things they borrow

    You may think it’s a good thing, but you don’t know they’re trying to remove all reminders of you from their life. A good friend will take your blouse and not return it, at least, until you ask.

    They go out without you

    The moment they start going out, especially with other friends, and posting fun pictures and videos about it, pack your bags. They don’t have the mind to break up with you directly, so they’re trying to pepper you and start fights. 

    They make jokes about cutting you off

    Ahan! If they “threatened” to block or cut you off, what’s left to say again? It’s a new year, they’ll definitely do it. It’s only a matter of time. 

    READ NEXT: 7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Friendship Breakup Stories