On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
For Blossom* (27), growing up meant battling body image issues, cruel comments, and a secret that shattered her self-esteem before she was even a teenager. She shares how those struggles shaped her image, relationships, and ongoing journey towards healing.
What’s your current relationship status?
I’m single, and I think it’s best that way for now. I’ve struggled with body image issues for a long time, and they’ve shaped how I see myself. I’d rather work through them before getting involved with someone again.
When did those struggles begin?
They started when I was about 13, in SS1. I was in boarding school, and a classmate told me I was getting fat and that no boy would ever look at me.
Those words stayed with me. I became so self-conscious that whenever I spoke to a boy, I’d wonder if he noticed my weight and judged me for it. At one point, I skipped meals, gave away my breakfast, and only ate half my food at night. Eventually, I fell sick.
At home, I was also hyperconscious because women from church commented on my weight. A woman once looked at me and said my legs were abnormal because of the weight. I felt so humiliated that I told my mum, and it caused a huge fight. It was so bad that my mum eventually stopped me from attending that branch.
I realised from that incident that my legs sometimes swell when I stand too long. It fuelled my insecurity.
That must’ve been tough. How did it affect how you related with boys?
I became very guarded. When I was 15, I developed a crush on a boy, but found it hard to approach him. We only got closer because he noticed my interest. He always presented himself as religious, constantly reading the Bible and preaching in the teens’ church, so I thought he was an ideal person to trust.
I confided in him about a sexual abuse incident when I was nine, and he told other boys in the neighbourhood what I’d shared. Suddenly, everyone was calling me names whenever I walked past. It got so bad that my mum sent me to live with my aunt, and for years, I hardly came home. That betrayal destroyed what was left of my self-esteem.
How did you try to move past that?
I didn’t, at least not in a healthy way. When I got into university in 2019, I threw myself into extreme weight loss. I was fasting, skipping meals, doing everything possible to shrink myself. It worked for a while, but in my second year, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and I gained triple my weight.
I became so big that even making friends was hard. Lecturers made comments too. I remember missing a test because I was hospitalised, and when I came back with my medical report, the lecturer told me to “shed some weight.” My report showed malaria and typhoid, but somehow, he made it about my body.
I wasted so much money on slim teas, colon cleanses, and herbs I found on Instagram. Nothing worked. In the middle of all that, I got into a relationship with Frank* during the 2020 strike.
Tell me about that relationship.
We met in church and eventually started dating. I tried hard to please him from the start, but he always reassured me that I didn’t have to. For a while, he made me feel comfortable in my body. He always said he liked big women; that reassurance meant a lot. But as time went on, I realised we weren’t really compatible.
How so?
I’m ambitious. Even as a student, I worked as a chef and went into marketing on the side. I attended conferences, networked, and had big dreams. Frank was content as a baker. He was good at it, but wasn’t interested in growing beyond that.
I encouraged him to grow, but he wasn’t interested. Sometimes, he’d even get uncomfortable with my own drive. I may have insecurities about my body, but I’m confident in what I bring to the table when it comes to work and my mind. We always clashed over our long-term goals.
In the end, he said I was too much to handle and ended things in 2021. I think he saw a future where I’d outgrow him, and he couldn’t deal with it.
Fair enough. Did you meet anyone else after Frank?
Yes. A few months after our breakup, I met James*. He was a regular customer at my mum’s shop, but I noticed he came by more often because of me. We later had a conversation about our feelings and started dating. He was really good to me, and my mum liked him, which made everything easier.
I absolutely adored James. As our relationship progressed, we started talking about marriage. Sadly, we had to break things off after two years because he lied about his genotype. I’m AS, but he wasn’t AA as he claimed.
Curious. Did that breach of trust affect you?
It awakened doubts about myself. I started thinking he lied because I wasn’t good enough. Maybe he never planned to marry me at all.
I resumed school shortly after and relapsed into my old habits. It even affected how I perceived my face. I couldn’t go out without makeup, even if I went just outside my room.
In 2024, I went on an extreme diet of crackers and water. Every day from April to August, I ate nothing else. I finally lost drastic weight, like I’d always wanted.
For a little while, I felt better about myself, but it started affecting my health. My blood pressure dropped too low, my blood sugar went down to three points, and my body lacked essential vitamins.
The plot twist came when people began commenting on my weight again. They said I looked sick, and that made me hate my new body even more. Around that time, I met a new guy, Felix, and I constantly sought reassurance from him just to feel better about myself.
How did it go with Felix?
We met at a conference in Abuja earlier this year. We sat next to each other on the last day, exchanged contacts, and started talking. Even though we’d only met once, he went all out for me. I liked him because he made me feel good. Unfortunately, I sabotaged everything barely two months into talking.
We hadn’t seen each other since the conference and had planned a date when he visited my city for work. But I panicked when I tried on my dress and realised how sick and thin I’d become. I cancelled the date without giving him any explanation, even though he was already waiting.
That night, I broke down. I trashed my room and broke my mirror. I even thought of self-harming and ending it all. Thankfully, I called a friend who talked me out of it.
Did you ever talk to Felix about how you felt?
Yes, I did. I eventually called to apologise and explained everything. Thankfully, he was understanding. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s also a therapist. He told me my constant need for reassurance wasn’t about my body or even the dress — it was about unresolved issues I needed to fix within myself. No amount of weight loss or surgery would make me truly happy. And he was right.
Even if I got a BBL or the “perfect” body, I’d still feel embarrassed and insecure. That conversation made me realise I needed to step back, heal, and stop looking for validation in relationships. We chose to stay friends, and he’s been helping me work through those issues.
Great. How have all these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?
I’ve realised love isn’t just about what you want from someone else. You also have to ask yourself if you’re the kind of person someone would want to love.
My biggest fear isn’t being alone. It’s hurting someone just because I didn’t heal properly. That’s why I’m working on my inner blocks. When I’m better, I want a relationship built on patience, growth, and mutual understanding. I’m hopeful it’ll happen someday.
So, how would you say the streets are treating you? Rate it on a scale of 1-10
I’d give it a 10. Being single isn’t a curse. It’s the best time to reflect, work on yourself, and become your best version. These months alone have helped me accept that I’m beautiful. If someone says otherwise, that’s their business.
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