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Navigating life as a woman in the world today is incredibly difficult. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are.
Every Wednesday at 9am, women the world over will share their takes on everything from sex to politics right here.
‘Don’t you ever get tired of peering into strangers’ vaginas?‘ I asked my wax technician in-between painful yelps, the last time I went in for a Brazillian. She chuckled and I continued, ‘I mean it must get old’.
‘You’d think,’ she replied.
Engaging in a conversation with my wax technician is one of my favourite coping mechanisms for powering through the pain (if you have any others please share btw). The last time I went in, I asked her permission to spill all of the tea she usually shares with me. Here’s how the conversation went:
7 years now. I’ve bounced around a couple of places between Lagos and Abuja. I just started at this place last month though. Working and meeting new clients is always interesting but some clients from my old place came along with me.
[Laughter]. You’d think so, but it really doesn’t. First of all, I don’t only do Brazilians; the person who came in just before you, had a full body wax.
Aside: I think people who do full body wax in a single session are psychos.
[Laughter]. People’s pain tolerance levels vary. Funny enough, the lady who came in before you was in near tears by the time we were done, but she said she likes to stomach through all of it for one hour, instead of coming back for multiple sessions.
I don’t know; I guess whatever people whose jobs involve some sort of monotony think of. You apply the wax, put the strip, remove. Rinse and repeat.
I spend eight hours of my day, Monday to Sunday — I do home calls on Sundays — peering into vaginas, assholes, armpits. Something funny is bound to happen every day. Yesterday, I had a client who told me I had given her a wax before. I did the fake, polite, ‘Oh I remember you’ thing, but I didn’t recognize her at all. Anyway, when she gets on the bed and spreads her legs open, I remember her vagina! It was the funniest thing to me; I started laughing. I had to come clean when she asked why I was laughing. I told her that I had lied before and I didn’t remember her face, but that I remembered what her vagina looked like. I even remembered the exact day she saw me.
It was just really interesting looking, you know. She is one of those people who have long clits, you don’t come across many people like that. It’s like coming across an uncircumcised guy.
Just once. It was one oyinbo guy. He was a regular client for a while. He was extremely hairy. He used to get Brazilian waxes — yes men get them too. But in my experience, a lot of them lie about it. The first time I did it, I was so uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable than the first time I had to do a vagina. You have to touch their penis and balls and move it around a little. Sometimes, they start to get hard and I have to wait for them to calm down. But they are always apologetic about it.
It depends on my mood. Legs when I’ve had a long day because they are quick and easy and if the client doesn’t move around much, I can be done with it in ten minutes. Brazillian and Hollywood when I want to show off my expertise. I’m sure you’ll have noticed by now that I’m really good, I’m not shy about it. I like getting all the ‘Omg it’s so smooth’ comments.
I’ve never thought about it because all sorts of women across all ages come in. I’ve had an 18-year-old come in and I’ve had a 62-year-old woman come in. I think that’s the youngest and oldest I’ve had. So every age in between you can think off, I’ve probably waxed before.
I’ve had a client pee on herself before. I was particularly annoyed because I had asked before we started if she needed to pee and she said no. The top of your vagina lips can be particularly painful. As soon as I pulled a strip I put there, pee came out.
Clean up before you come in! Don’t wait for me to do it for you, you are not a child. Sometimes I even offer them wipes and ask if they’d like to clean up before they come in and they’ll say, ‘Oh no need.’ There’s always need, especially for women who get a heavier discharge than normal.
[Laughter]. Actually, if you stay consistent and wax at least once a month, you kind of get used to the pain. It also does become less painful, but if you wax once and go back to shaving for like 6 months and then wax again it’ll hurt as much as the first time
Ever considered a career change?
It really hasn’t ever crossed my mind. I only think about going for training and workshops and getting better at what I do.
Hairdressers get a lot of flak. Even I don’t cut them any slack. And we all have the same preconceived notions about them. About why they are always tardy or why they never seem to be truthful. But I got curious about what really goes down in their lives.
So I had a conversation with my longtime hairdresser (who only lets me down 4 out of 10 times) about her life and everything in between. And it was humorous and fascinating at the same time.
I live in Berger but my shop is on UNILAG road. I’m at my shop at 7 am and I close the shop at 9 pm. So that means I have to wake up at 4. There’s no time to sleep.
People are always saying that hairdressers like to lie. But it’s customers that lie the most. If it’s not lying that the packet hair they bought is Brazilian hair they will lie about how much they bought the hair.
Sometimes they’ll know the hair I made for them isn’t bad, but because they don’t want to pay they’ll start making noise. One time, one girl brought one nonsense hair for me to make into a wig and dye. When she came to collect it, she started shouting that it was not her weave. That her weave cost a hundred and something thousand naira. And that I should bring out the real weave or give her her money back. After begging for over one hour I told her if she likes she should go and bring police. She carried the wig and left.
I don’t like to disappoint my customers. In fact, it’s the one thing I hate the most. It’s just circumstance. I know its bad to keep customers waiting or cancel without notice, but I wish they’ll understand that I’m not doing it for fun. I do home service a lot. If I say I’ll be back at my shop at 2 pm, it’s not as if I’m lying. Maybe the customer I was doing home service for delayed me after I give that time, or Lagos traffic showed itself. It’s not as if I’m lying.
See ehn there are some hairstyles that are not just worth my time. Like if someone calls me on Saturday morning that they want to do 1 million braids. I tell them I’m not in shop or that I’m sick. If I tell them I don’t want to do it for them, then they won’t call me to make their hair another time. Sometimes if I have like 6 customers waiting and you want to loosen braids, I can’t chase you away but I’ll just keep you there on pending. By the time you wait for an hour plus, you’ll either leave or start loosening the hair by yourself.
One time one of my customers came to remove weave that had been in her hair for at least four months. Four months o, not four weeks. The smell alone almost made me faint. As I finished removing the weave and washing her hair she started shouting that I cut all her hair. In my mind, I was like something I was supposed to help you barb.
I started off renting a chair in someone else’s salon. Apart from the money you pay for your chair every year, the owner still collected a cut from us every week. No matter how many customers you had, that week.
When I was still working there, I used to have a lot of customers so the madam kept accusing me of duping her. Because she wanted to collect more money for me. One day I said enough is enough, I started saving all my money. For months I didn’t eat well, I lost so much weight until I got one small cubicle on Abule Oja road. Within 1 year I was able to get a bigger place. I was at the other place for 4 and a half years.
There was one month like that I had a very bad accident. I fell off a bike. My hand swole up by like times two of its original size and the doctor advised me to rest it. But I couldn’t because man must chop. For months that hand pained me, but I used it to work like that. I didn’t sha die.
Sometimes I don’t accept natural hair customers because they don’t comb their hair. The time I’ll have used to fix for three customers is the same time I’ll use to wash and do all back for one natural hair customer. It’s usually not worth it.
I hate ITK customers. You’ve already shown me the style and I’ve told you I can do it but you’ll still be chooking mouth. I won’t say I can do something I don’t know how to do. I’m not that kind of hairdresser.
I won’t have even put comb near their hair before they start telling me no, no, no, that’s not how to do it. Watch this youtube video. Cut this place like this. Plait this place like this. By the time I finish and the hair doesn’t turn out well it’ll be my fault. They’ll forget that they were the ones instructing me.
There is no friendship in this business. Don’t let anyone deceive you. I used to have a friend I was very close to when I was still working for my former madam. It was both of us that used to talk about leaving and getting our own shop. That’s how one day she just stopped coming. One week, two weeks, three weeks. I’ll call her but she won’t pick up. Or she’ll say she’s busy that she’ll call me back before I have a chance to say anything. Next thing I heard was that she had opened her own shop.
The day I opened my first shop it was even on the same road as hers. She was one of the first to come and congratulate me. She didn’t know that I had heard she had been telling people not to come to my shop even before it opened. I just smiled and hugged her. But it’s 4 eyes I use to watch her.
A lot of my customers are runz girls, but I don’t judge. Because me too if I could find sugar daddy I’ll find. But I have a daughter and children spoil market. Anyway, these two girls were very close, then one day they fought. One person stole another person’s sugar daddy. It was in my shop that the original owner of the sugar daddy came to confront the one that stole. There’s nothing I didn’t hear that day. One used ritual to steal someone’s husband, another one did bum bum with one doctor in Lekki. It was when they wanted to start scattering my shop that I helped them settle the fight.
People are always trying to steal from me. The person that delivers hair to me increases the prices every month. But I can’t do anything about it because I don’t have time to go to the market. I’ll finish training girls, they’ll leave and carry my customers. No notice, nothing. Sometimes they’ll even steal my money on top. And when they see me outside they’ll act like they don’t know me again. No matter how careful you are, you’ll lose money to all these people. But if your hand is good and God is on your side you’ll make that money back in twofold.
I like hairdressing o, It’s my calling. But everything in this Lagos is cost. Up to water. If I tell you how much I spend on water every week you won’t believe it. That’s why I started mixing cream to sell. But I don’t mix nonsense chemicals, I only use natural ingredients. I also sell makeup and weave. Now I’m learning how to make braids wig. I used to buy and resell before, but I’ll make more money from it if I make them myself.
In this life you can’t have only one handwork. It’s not enough.
*dialogue has been edited for clarity.
