Every Wednesday, as part of the Sex Life category, we ask Nigerians of different ages, gender identities and sexual orientations to anonymously share stories about a specific sex-related topic.
It’s been one of our most popular segments, and now, we’ve compiled nine of the most-read articles. From stories about eating ass to opinions on wearing condoms, these were your favourite compilations.
We’ve seen enough PSAs to know just how important condoms are, but humans rarely do what’s best for them. So, we asked seven Nigerians to share how often they really use condoms.
Sex doesn’t always work out the way we hope it will. So, we asked seven Nigerians about the worst sex they’ve ever had, and the stories ranged from a smelly vagina to an avalanche of vomit.
Great sex is not the norm for a lot of people, but sometimes, everything just comes together perfectly. So, we asked seven Nigerians to talk about the best sex they’ve ever had.
As the name implies, a ‘friends with benefits (FWB)’ relationship is a sexual relationship between friends. So, we asked seven Nigerians why this kind of relationship works for them.
While the conversation around eating ass has become less judgemental, there are still a ton of people who think it’s completely disgusting. So, we asked nine Nigerians to share their thoughts about it.
Choking is a relatively risky form of sexual activity which is done with the intention of heightening sexual arousal. So, we asked seven Nigerians how they feel about choking and getting choked during sex.
As the name implies, sexting involves the exchange of sexually explicit messages, photographs and/or videos. So, we asked seven Nigerians how they really feel about sexting.
From sudden discomfort to general fatigue, there are many reasons people stop sex halfway through. So, we asked nine Nigerians to share some of their pettiest excuses.
Threesomes rank very high on the list of many people’s biggest sexual fantasies. So, we asked seven Nigerians to share their most memorable threesome stories.
According to Healthline, choking falls under erotic asphyxiation, a relatively risky form of sexual activity which involves “intentionally cutting off the air supply for you or your partner” with the intention of heightening sexual arousal.
So, I decided to ask Nigerians how they feel about choking and getting choked during sex. From someone who saw their life flash before their eyes to someone who says it’s an essential part of sex, here are seven of the most interesting answers we got.
Ebuka, 27/Male/Straight
Choking is essential. If my hands are not wrapped around the babe’s neck during sex, what the hell am I meant to do with them? The azonto? In my experience, most babes are really into it as long as the sex is good. Sometimes they even choke me back, and that’s hot as fuck.
Sharon, 24/Female/Straight
Someone almost killed me on top choking oh. I am sexually curious, so I typically allow my partners to explore with me. I also always go for muscular men, so imagine my horror when this huge man grabbed my neck during sex — on my first time getting choked.
At first, I calmed down and thought, “Oh! This is kinda kinky.” Next thing, I couldn’t breathe. I tried to ignore it and get comfortable, but it only got worse. When I tried to fight his hand off, his orgasm started building and his grip became stronger. My life flashed before my eyes oh.
He released me immediately he came, but omo, I was already seeing heaven. I was incapacitated for the rest of the day. Now, when I hook up with a kinky partner and they try to choke me, I get on top and choke them first. Let them see how it’s done. Ani se oloriburu ejo.
Charles, 29/Male/Straight
I like choking my partners when I can see they’re enjoying it, but the first time a woman choked me back was a total mess. As she grabbed my neck, my claustrophobia kicked in, and I had a full panic attack mid mekwe. I will probably try again soon, but that experience is still fresh in my mind.
Bimbo, 32/Female/Bisexual
The first time I ever got choked was interesting. I had just started having sex and it was still painful, so I wasn’t enjoying it. Then he started choking me as we fucked, and I instantly got wet and relaxed. I knew right there and then it was sex that was going to kill me. Now, I choke and get choked.
James, 34/Male/Bisexual
The first person that choked me was a babe with big hands. It was hot at first, but after a while, I could feel my eyeballs bulging. Toxic masculinity didn’t allow me to complain, so I just decided that if I died there, so be it. After surviving that, I now only allow people with small hands to choke me.
Dami, 23/Female/Pansexual
I like choking and getting choked, but only one person has ever choked me properly. People are always too nervous to apply enough pressure for it to count. No matter how many times I tell them to squeeze down, they only do it properly for like ten seconds before chickening out.
Then there are the ones who just do it all wrong — crushing your windpipe instead of cutting off blood flow. Like, damn, I want to be lightheaded, not coughing like I have malaria. So, now, I just stick to doing the choking. I prefer choking men, but I take whatever I can get.
Obi, 28/Male/Straight
I like women who take control. When they choke me, I feel like I’m being dominated and that really turns me on. I have a thing for powerful, dominant women, so the appeal of choking for me is definitely a power thing.
Celibacy is the state of voluntarily being sexually abstinent, with “voluntarily” being a core aspect of that definition — it doesn’t count if you want to have sex but can’t find anyone willing to oblige.
So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians about their individual celibacy journeys — ranging from a few days to their entire lives — to find out why they chose to do it and how tough it’s been.
Mary, 29/Female/Straight
I’ve never had sex, so I’ve been celibate my whole life. I am a very emotional person, and I feel my first time has to be just right or I’ll regret it forever. I’m also scared of enjoying it too much and becoming addicted.
The goal has always been to wait until marriage. That was going pretty well until about two years ago. Now, every single day is a struggle. I’m constantly thinking about sex, but I still don’t think I’m ready.
Charles, 27/Male/Straight
I decided to try celibacy this year because I read that semen retention could help with mental alertness and raising energy levels, but I also wanted to change my overall attitude towards sex.
I want to stop treating sex as a drug, and I want to start seeing women as people, not objects for my satisfaction. Three months is the longest I’ve lasted this year, but I’m trying again. My goal is 100 days straight.
Funmi, 27/Female/Bisexual
For some weird reason, casual sex just lost its appeal to me. I suddenly felt like I only wanted to sleep with people I loved. Now, I’m currently three months into my celibacy journey and it’s been a ride.
In the first month, my body didn’t know what was about to hit, so it was calm. By the second month, it figured out what was happening and my cravings went into overdrive.
I masturbated A LOT. At some point, I swear, I started hallucinating a little. I’m now in my third month and it’s easier. I think my mind is regaining control over my body. I even joyfully turned down a session recently.
Ebuka, 31/Male/Straight
Early this year, I took on “honest” celibacy for about a month. I say honest because people often include masturbation in their definition of celibacy, and I think that’s bullshit.
The experience made me a preacher of the ‘no nut’ gospel. My energy levels were higher, my erections were extra hard and I was more assertive. The women in my life kept remarking on how different I seemed.
Afterwards, I nutted three times in the space of 45 non-stop minutes without losing erection quality. Now, I recommend a one-month celibacy stint every quarter in a year. The benefits are remarkable.
Amaka, 24/Female/Straight
I’ve been celibate for about 3 years and 2 months now. It started after I got my heart broken. The guy was my first, and I’ve not been able to trust another man with my body since then.
Whenever I meet new guys and tell them how long I’ve been celibate for, they immediately start obsessing over how tight I must be. Then they try to make it their mission to end my celibacy. It’s really annoying.
Honestly, I’m tired of being celibate and plan to end it this December. Deciding which guy I’ll have sex with is now my main problem. If I don’t find someone I trust before the end of the year, I’ll just continue.
Ade, 25/Male/Not sure
I hooked up with a guy for the first time this year, and I enjoyed it so much it terrified me. Before him, I’d only ever been with women, and now, I’m confused about my sexuality. So, I’m avoiding sex until I figure my shit out.
I’ve been celibate for about 5 months now and it’s so hard. I’ve bruised my penis multiple times from excessive masturbation, but I’m still not ready to have sex with anyone, man or woman, and deal with any of this. Not yet.
Tolu, 22/Female/Straight
After I ended things with my boyfriend of two years, who was also my first, I knew I wouldn’t be able to have sex with anyone else for a while. So, I decided to give celibacy a try.
Do you know how long my celibacy journey lasted? Three days. By the time I found myself underneath one hot young man, who had his hands wrapped around my neck, I knew celibacy was not for me.
While the conversation around eating ass has become a lot less judgemental over the past few years, there are still a ton of people who consider it to be completely disgusting.
So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians to give their honest opinions about analingus. From those who love it to those who think it’s the most unsanitary thing ever, here are nine of the best answers we got.
Cynthia, 27/Female/Straight
I reject eating ass in the mighty name of Jesus. It’s just the most unsanitary thing ever. Will you ask them the last time they took a dump? What if they only used tissue to clean up? Hay God.
I actually ask potential lovers if they eat ass, so I can end things quickly. I mean, are you telling me that someone will eat my ass and now want to kiss me after? Abeg oh.
Michael, 30/Male/Bisexual
I can never and will never eat anyone’s ass. That’s where poop comes from forgossake. I’ve only had it done to me once, and it’s because the guy kept begging; he said he couldn’t get hard without doing it.
It was okay, but I didn’t enjoy it enough to want to try again. I sha blocked him. The way he was begging, I felt the next thing would be him asking for me to shit in a cup, and I already saw that porno.
Doyin, 24/Female/Bisexual
Eating ass is 10/10. I highly recommend both giving and receiving. That being said, I only eat women’s asses. I think anyone eating a straight man’s ass is very brave — those ones that don’t clean up there.
Ugo, 27/Male/Straight
The only people that don’t like getting their asses eaten are people who’ve never had their asses eaten. Once it happens, I promise you’ll become a convert.
I’ve never reciprocated though. It’s not that I’m against it, I’m just very selective. I haven’t felt the need to chow any of the babes I’ve been with since it became cool to eat ass.
Granted, I’ve not been having a lot of sex lately — the pandemic and all. Maybe if I were actually hooking up with more babes, I’d be eating booty like Cow and Chicken.
Cow and Chicken eating booty like groceries since ’99.
Ada, 29/Female/Bisexual
If anyone had asked me about eating ass a year ago, I’d have shouted, “Disgor,” but I’ve since seen the light. Now, anytime someone is giving me head, I start praying that they give my ass some love too.
I also reciprocate, but not as often. The people I’ve been with really like it and anything that makes a partner get off and get vocal, I’m down for. I also sneak in a little thumb once in a while; most guys love it.
Ebuka, 22/Male/Gay
I’m obsessed with eating ass. It turns me on so much, and I’m comfortable with doing it for as long as possible. I don’t even mind only eating someone’s ass and going home after.
I just find it interesting that you could drive someone crazy with just your tongue or your lips. The pleasure it gives the other party is so fun to observe, and it really gets me off.
Ella, 26/Female/Straight
I love eating ass and I think everyone should get their ass eaten at least once in their life. I recently ate a guy’s ass, and now, every time he hits me up, it’s to beg me to do it again. I get it, but I’m just like, “Bobo relax.”
Daniel, 26/Male/Bisexual
I love getting my ass ate. The hardest part for me used to be finding people who were open to doing it, but contrary to what you see all over the TL, there are actually a lot of people who love it.
I don’t eat ass as much because my first time scarred me. The babe didn’t clean up properly, so I had a close shave with a mouth full of poop. Hopefully, I get over that mental block soon so I can return the favour.
Chinny, 27/Female/Bisexual
I had my ass eaten for the first time during a threesome. I thought the guy was about to give me head, but he flipped me around and spread my ass cheeks. I was about to push him away, but I’m glad I didn’t. It was great.
I had the most intense orgasm(s) that day. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Will I do it again and again? Hell yeah. Will I ever return the favour? Ewww. Nope. Nah. No way.
What actually makes for great sex? Well, you could ask a room full of sexually active adults and get a bunch of very different answers, which proves that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.
So, I decided to ask a few Nigerians what they think makes for the best possible sex, and the responses ranged from drugs to anger. Here are nine of the most interesting answers I got.
Funmi, 27/Female/Straight
The best sex is “I hate you” sex. That’s exactly what made the last time I hooked up with my ex one of the best fucks we ever had. I was still feeling it days after it had happened.
I would stretch and remember the aggressive strokes, frenzied kisses and erotic anger. I think everyone should get fucked by someone who hates them/is angry with them. You’ll never forget it.
James, 32/Male/Bisexual
The best sex is cheating sex. Generally, fucking someone you’re not meant to fuck is always sweeter, but it’s even better when one or both of you are in a monogamous relationship.
I stopped cheating on my partners when I turned 30 — new decade, new me — but, if I’m single, I have no issue fucking someone in a relationship. If you want to cheat on your partner, I’m more than happy to provide dick.
Fola, 22/Female/Straight
The best sex is public sex. There’s something raw and natural about doing it without a roof over your head. The fact that someone could possibly be watching also heightens the entire experience.
David, 27/Male/Straight
The best sex is “we shouldn’t be doing this” sex. That’s sex with anyone who should ideally be off-limits, like a friend’s sister, a partner’s friend or a lecturer. Knowing each session might be the last just hits different.
Tolu, 25/Female/Straight
The best sex is reckless abandon sex. I’ve always been self-conscious about my body, so I used to make sure the lights were off and the curtains were drawn. I was so in my head that I wasn’t relaxing.
Then as I started to feel more comfortable in my body, I just thought, “To hell with everything.” Best decision ever. I stopped overthinking and just let go. The orgasms have been plentiful ever since.
Ebuka, 29/Male/Gay
The best sex is guilty sex. I used to be very religious in my early 20s, but that didn’t stop me from hooking up with a lot of the men in my church, both married and single.
The shame I felt about all the sins I was committing at once somehow made the sex sweeter. Honestly, I haven’t had sex as thrilling since I dropped Christianity and all the guilt that came with it.
Ada, 25/Female/Straight
The best sex is “this is a bad idea” sex. It’s going to see your ex so you can get some closure, but ending up getting dicked down in the car park. Terrible idea, great sex.
Kachi, 28/Male/Straight
The best sex is high sex, but public sex is dragging the spot with it. The only thing that beats the rush of possibly getting caught is being heavily intoxicated. Popping Molly and just letting the universe take over is bliss.
Ella, 30/Female/Bisexual
The best sex is weed sex. If it’s good weed, your body relaxes completely, and you last way longer. Like, I get orgasms that last as long as 50 minutes while I’m on cannabis.
It also makes your body more sensitive, so foreplay isn’t even all that necessary. Someone you’re attracted to can just wink at you, and you’ll be ready for penetration instantly.
That aside, it numbs all the pain that sometimes comes with the pleasure, so it’s just pure pleasure and stamina and all-natural lubrication and never-ending rounds.
From sudden discomfort to general fatigue, there are many reasons people stop sex halfway through. So, I asked a bunch of Nigerians to share some of their pettiest excuses.
Here are nine of the best answers we got.
Ruth, 31/Female/Bisexual
I was cheating on my boyfriend at the time, and the person I was sleeping with kept asking, “Is he as good as me?” I didn’t need that kind of guilt in the middle of sex, so I told him to get off me and never touched him again.
James, 25/Male/Gay
I was having sex with this “straight” guy, and it was going pretty well until he called my ass a “pussy”. I wanted to ignore it, but he kept loudly repeating it. I immediately lost interest. I told him to go and look for a woman since it’s pussy he wants to fuck.
Mary, 27/Female/Straight
I ended the sex because the dude was too quiet. Like, how can we be fucking and you can’t even let out a slight moan? Which hard guy are you forming? I just took that to mean he wasn’t feeling it and called it a night.
Femi, 28/Male/Straight
I don’t know if this is petty enough, but she stank. Every stroke was like impaling a rotten fish. It was like a chemical-weapon-grade ooze. So, I faked an orgasm, pretended to take a phone call and ran out of there.
Esther, 25/Female/Straight
This guy was definitely a Rottweiler because he was licking me and wetting my whole body with spit. I paused and asked him what he was doing, but he seemed genuinely clueless. I just laughed, hopped off the bed and went to shower. I was so irritated.
Tomiwa, 27/Male/Straight
A woman once stopped having sex with me because of the song I was playing. It was Ty Dolla $ign’s “Horses In The Stable”. She said it made her feel like a whore and showed that I didn’t like her.
“You’re just another girl and this is just another night” is a line from the song. I can see why she got upset, but it was facts. It was funny how she said she needed to pee, and the next second, she was fully dressed and ready to bounce.
Ibukun, 31/Female/Straight
He kept asking if he could take off the condom because he wasn’t “feeling anything”. He asked the first time, and I said no. He asked a second time, and I said, “No and please don’t ask me again.”
Of course, this goat asked the third time. While he was still inside me, I reached for my phone and ordered an Uber. I don’t even think I was petty. The bitch nigga was willing to expose me to disease and potential pregnancy for a fractionally better orgasm.
Ebuka, 31/Male/Gay
We didn’t even get to the sex part before I called it off. I tried to kiss him, and he aggressively dodged my lips. His reason? He doesn’t kiss men, only women. I was very confused, but I didn’t even question it. I just told him to be going.
Bimbo, 24/Female/Straight
I was sleeping with this guy who’s always been insecure about our lack of exclusivity. That’s how, right in the middle of the most intense sex we’ve ever had, he said, “I wish this pussy was all mine.” I’ve never gotten so dry so fast.
Sex doesn’t always work out the way we hope it will. If you’re a sexually active adult, it’s very likely that you will have terrible sex at least once in your life.
So, I decided to ask a few Nigerians about the worst sex they’ve ever had. From a smelly vagina to an avalanche of vomit, these were 7 of the most interesting stories I got.
Farouk, 25/Male/Bisexual
My roommate and I had started fooling around, but since it was his first time with a guy, he always needed a bit of alcohol to give him the courage to get through it.
On the night we planned to go all the way, he drank a little too much. He ended up vomiting right on me. It was so much. I don’t think our relationship has been the same ever since.
Yewande, 18/Female/Straight
I had never had casual sex before, so I was both excited and nervous. I had only ever slept with one guy before him. He came over and seemed very confident. Then the nonsense started.
We had barely kissed and he was already pulling my hair and choking me. I don’t have a problem with either of these things, but it felt so unnatural. He was obviously trying to re-enact all the terrible pornos he’d watched.
Then he went in, and all I can say is harder and faster is NOT always better. To make matters worse, he kept calling me by my Twitter name. It was so terrible, I had to stop it. I hope he reads this.
James, 28/Male/Straight
My main babe wasn’t around, so I had to find someone else to hook up with. I met this hot babe at a party and she came over that same night. With how quickly it happened, I wasn’t able to properly gauge her.
The first thing that should have tipped me off to what was in store for me that night was the “aroma” of her wig. I assumed it was because she had been dancing, so I didn’t think much of it.
Anyway, we started making out, and as I was working my way down to eat her out, the stench hit me. I hadn’t even crossed her navel and it was already so intense.
I came up for air and quickly got to thrusting. I couldn’t even enjoy that because I kept picturing maggots in my head. I got out of there as fast as I could and went to sleep. I blocked her the next day.
Mary, 22/Female/Bisexual
I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, but the worst one was with my ex-boyfriend. It was the very first time we had sex, and it was full of disappointments.
He’s a very tall guy, so I was expecting his dick to be big. That was my first disappointment of the night. Then, he went on to chew on my labia and clitoris in the name of head.
After all that, he couldn’t get it up. Then he started crying, saying that he had failed me. I was so confused because he wasn’t even a virgin. I slept over, so we decided to try again, but it was the exact same issue.
David, 31/Male/Gay
The night was a bit chilly, so he offered to give me a massage before we got started. I don’t know who sent him message, but he decided to use some Aboniki to help warm me up.
You can probably guess how this ended. Anyway, to cut the long story short, there was still some Aboniki residue on his fingers when he was applying lube on his dick. The burning sensation shot right through me.
Ada, 22/Female/Straight
I’ve only ever had bad sex once. I had recently broken up with my ex, so I was hooking up with this guy. We weren’t really friends; all we used to do was smash like rabbits.
One day, he came over and asked me to only play with his balls. I did it for a long while, but he didn’t come. Then, when he was ready to leave, he just flipped me over, did five quick strokes and came. I was pissed.
Then he got up, wiped his dick and saw blood — my period had just come. He got really paranoid and took the tissue with the blood home. Apparently, he thought I was a witch or something.
Ebuka, 28/Male/Straight
This babe just bent over and stayed there. Her back was straight like a desk, no gradient. Then when she got on top, I knew she wasn’t serious. She sat there like she was waiting for the bus.
I finally got tired and faked an orgasm, so she could go to her house. It was extra annoying because this was my first time. She definitely set a bad precedent because I’ve faked a lot of orgasm since then.
It’s no secret that drugs and alcohol affect the human body and mind in many different ways, so it’s expected that having sex under the influence would be a vastly different experience from having sex sober.
So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians to share what sex is like when they decide to get high, drunk or, in most cases, both beforehand. The answers were all very intriguing.
N.B:Do not use this article as an excuse to go drug-hopping. Be safe and responsible.
Ada, 30/Female/Bisexual
It was a night out in Lagos. I took my friend’s babe with me, and we went for pre-drinks at my fuck buddy’s house. From there, we all went to a club and ended up smoking weed laced with molly.
That night, the three of us got back to his place and just started fucking. Then he invited another babe over, and it turned into a mad foursome. It was great. Everyone there made me come at least once.
The outcome of that insane experience wasn’t as great. I got tested when I returned to London and found out that I had contracted chlamydia and gonorrhoea. Luckily for me, both are treatable.
John, 25/Male/Gay
I was very apprehensive about getting high, but all my friends swore that it would make sex so much better. I decided to try it with a guy I really liked, but it ended up being a horrifyingly embarrassing experience.
I had what I now know is called a bad trip. The weed made me very paranoid. I was convinced that I had shit myself and that made me start crying. This dude had to baby me until I eventually fell asleep.
He was really sweet about the whole thing, but the shame didn’t allow me to see him again. I’ve also sworn to never get high. My friends say it was just one bad experience, but that one is their own business.
Esther, 22/Female/Bisexual
I take weed with wine. It’s not a regular thing for me, but it probably should be because sex is always incredible. I’m way more sensitive than I am during sober sex.
Foreplay is so much more intense, and my orgasms feel like my soul is leaving my body. With sober sex, it’s just my legs that shake, but when I’m high, my entire body vibrates.
I also can’t ride for long when I’m sober, but I don’t get tired when I’m high. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes. It’s like it turns up my sexiness from 100 to 1000. Amazing.
Tolu, 27/Male/Straight
This babe I was hooking up with brought a strain of weed called Marley for us to try. The thing is, sex with her was already pretty great, but this day was on a totally different level.
The intensity was out of this world. We kept on mumbling shit to each other all through. It was as if we were possessed. It’s easily one of the top three sexual experiences of my entire life.
Sarah, 20/Female/Pansexual
I smoke weed before and during sex. I also drink beer right in the middle of sex. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I get dehydrated a lot, so I always have to stop for a drink.
The sex is usually mind-blowing when I’m high, so it’s now a regular thing. I almost cannot have sex if I’m not high. I get distracted so easily during sober sex. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I tried it.
Folarin, 26/Male/Straight
I have two friends that I typically get high with, and one day they came over with roofies. While we were smoking, they wanted to put the pills in my mouth and I let them.
It was mostly a blur, but we ended up having a threesome. Even though I was technically cheating on my girlfriend, it was still fucking great. One of the babes squirted so much I had to dump my bedsheet.
Tolani, 24/Female/Bisexual
I’ve been smoking weed regularly for a couple of years now, so I’d never hook up with someone I couldn’t smoke with before and after sex. That’s just one of my rules.
That being said, my most amazing experience was actually molly-induced. It was like an out-of-body experience. The molly kicked in for both of us at the same time, and that just made it way more passionate.
We were both on such a high that we cried after. That was probably the best sexual experience of my life, and I’ll never forget it. Haven’t done it since then though.
One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes.
Sex Lifeis an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old bisexual man who’s slept with over 200 people. He talks about struggling to accept his sexuality and wanting to leave “the streets” for the right person.
What was your first sexual experience?
I was assaulted when I was 10. I went to the village for my grandmother’s burial and one of my aunt’s friends took an uncomfortable liking to me. She kept referring to me as her husband and everyone just laughed it off.
She would call me to sit on her lap and rub her hands through my hair. I wasn’t comfortable with the attention because I just wanted to go play football with my cousins. I really only tolerated it out of respect.
She eventually made me kiss her — that was my first-ever kiss. After that, she told me to come to her room. Luckily for me, I told my sister before I went. I think she was a little suspicious because she decided to go with me.
How old was your sister?
Just a year and a half older than me, but she was already in secondary school, so she was a bit more aware. I was completely oblivious to what was happening. Anyway, we got to her room and this woman was naked.
My sister just said, “Mummy is calling us” and dragged me out of there. My mum found out about everything and we left the village that same night. I guess she didn’t want to cause a scene because it was a burial.
Damn. Sorry about that. Do you remember your first consensual experience?
Yeah. I was in SS 1. I had a girlfriend and we used to make out. It was nothing serious; just basic secondary school romance. The first time I actually had sex was in university. I was 17 and she was 20.
How was it?
It was meh. I couldn’t believe that this was the sex everyone had been shouting about. Thankfully, it got better. The more we got to know each other, the more I enjoyed sleeping with her.
How long did that last?
We hooked up for about six more months. After that, it felt like a switch had been flipped in my head. I was just running through women with reckless abandon. All I really cared about was busting a nut.
Were you actually enjoying all the sex you were having?
I thought I was. At the time, I didn’t know sex could be better.
When did you realise it could be better?
I met someone and we instantly connected, both sexually and emotionally. We got to explore together. Basically, we would find new things and consult each other on what to try out.
I think it really helped that we also had an emotional connection. That’s when I realised that sex with someone you have that kind of bond with is top-tier. Everything else is just basic.
So, you only have sex with women you have that bond with?
Unfortunately not. Konji is a bastard. I’ve tried to form that connection, but I’m in Lagos and everyone wants to belong to the streets. I’m a big softie when I like someone — gifts, vacations and money — but Lagos has taught me that not everyone deserves that.
How do you mean?
I was dating this babe and paying her rent, but she still cheated on me. I was so depressed. I’d be washing plates and just start crying for no reason. Now, I’m trying to protect myself, but it goes against my nature.
Damn. So, what’s sex like for you without that connection?
I try to make sure the women enjoy themselves. My head game is A1 — I’ve not had a bad review so far — and when they’ve had their fill of orgasms, I just jerk myself off because penetrative sex ko le work without that connection.
I don’t tell them that I find it difficult to orgasm without that bond because they’ll see it as a challenge and become weird. So, most times, I just fake it. I still don’t count these experiences as bad because I legitimately enjoy giving pleasure.
Interesting. What’s your sex life like these days?
Almost non-existent. There’s someone I’m currently seeing who’s in an open relationship, but the sex is kinda mid. There’s one woman I thought I could have something special with, but she still wants to belong to the streets.
At this point, I’m not too picky. As long as I find you attractive and you have sense, we move. I’m a bit pickier with men though. There are just not a lot of men that I actually find attractive.
Oh? When did you realise you were attracted to men too?
I was in secondary school when I realised something was different. I tried to kiss one of my friends, but he brushed me off. We never discussed it. Years later, I met a man at a club in New York and we randomly made out in the bathroom.
I felt so alive.
Did you explore your sexuality after that?
I tried using dating apps to meet men, but everyone only seemed interested in having sex. I wasn’t ready for that. I’m still not. The most I’ve done with a guy is make out and get head.
Why do you think that is?
I haven’t yet let go of my inhibitions. If I’m being honest, I’m still a bit homophobic towards myself. The first time I had oral sex with a man, I had a shower and almost scrubbed off my skin.
I’m still a work in progress. Thankfully, I’ve made a few queer friends that have shown me I don’t have to rush anything. I mean, one of them came to terms with it in his 30s, so they’re insisting that I take my time.
That’s great. So, what exactly are you looking for right now?
Honestly, I’m tired of the streets. I’m ready to retire and focus my time and energy on just one person. Then both of us can explore and have as many sexual adventures as we want.
When you were on the streets, how often were you having sex?
It was basically every day. I stopped counting at around 200, and it went well beyond that. At a point, I was waking up with a different woman in my bed every day. So, yeah, I’ve been there, done that and I’m now tired.
Over 200? And this is just women?
Just women. If I count oral sex with men, then I’d have to multiply by like 1.5. I take my sexual health very seriously though, so I always go for a checkup every month. At this point, my doctor is my guy.
Good. So, you’re actively looking for “the one” now?
Yeah, but if I bust a nut along the way, then so be it. I have to enjoy the journey too.
Fair. Have you met anyone that has come close to filling that position for you?
There’s this older woman I had a thing with, but she’s moved away. It was so beautiful. I’m actually planning to go see her soon. She wants us to make a sex tape, and I’m glad because I’ll have something to watch and reminisce whenever I feel down.
Unfortunately, we’re both at different points in our lives and I don’t think we can be committed to each other, but for now, this suffices. I feel safe, myself and at peace whenever I’m with her. She’s the closest I’ve gotten to “the one”.
How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
A 4. I’m having okay sex, but the woman I really want to be sleeping with isn’t around. Who did I offend in my previous life to have issues like this? Just when I’m ready to leave the streets. This life no too balance.
A ‘body count’ refers to the number of people someone has had sex with. While some think keeping count is pointless and regressive, others think it’s pretty essential.
So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians about their body count, how they feel about the entire concept and if they ever lie when asked. Here are 7 of the best answers I got.
Doyin, 21/Female/Straight
No one thinks a man is a hoe for sleeping around, but for women, the number of people you’ve been with is a big deal. I know people like to pretend that it’s not, but it is.
I’m 21 and I’ve slept with 13 men, but I say it’s 7. That’s my default answer now. I didn’t use to lie before, but I told one guy my real number during the talking stage and this nigga ran away.
John, 31/Male/Bisexual
I stopped counting bodies when it passed 100. If I’m being honest, I’m pretty sure I’ve already tripled it. I’ve been accused of being a sex addict, but I don’t think I am. I just like sex. What’s the issue?
I’ve started lying when I’m asked though. I have a different number I tell men and women. For women, I just say 15. Queer men are more forgiving, so I tell them 50. Everybody is happy.
Vivian, 25/Female/Straight
I’ve been with 4 and a half men. I say half because the fifth guy got too excited and came VERY early. I don’t think that one deserves to be considered a full body.
I’ve lied about my body count before. I increased it from 1 to 6 to impress a guy I liked. I wanted him to think I was mature and experienced, but it backfired and he bounced.
Daniel, 29/Male/Straight
When I was younger, I thought my body count mattered. I really wanted to save myself until marriage. The older I got, however, the more I realised how foolish the entire concept was.
Sex is the same as any other human need, like eating when you’re hungry. Just imagine how stupid you’d look counting how many plates of food you’ve eaten in your life.
My body count is currently 7. I only used to lie about it when I was a teenager, and I hadn’t even had sex at the time. Now, I don’t mind people asking me, but I generally think it’s no one’s business.
Tolani, 27/Female/Straight
My body count is important to me. It helps me keep an eye on the number of people I’ve shared my body with. It also helps me curb random sexual encounters.
I’ve slept with 12 men. I never lie about it when I’m asked, but we have to be really close for me to share the number. I’m a curious person, so I understand why someone would want to know.
Personally, I only care about my partner’s body count if it’s too low. I don’t have the strength to teach anybody anything, and I really don’t want to add a body that won’t satisfy me.
Chinedu, 23/Male/Gay
I’ve never cared about keeping score. I’m not shackled by heteronormative ideals, so I have sex whenever I want with whomever I want. If I had to guess, I’d say my number is somewhere between 30 and 40.
I never lie about it either. I remember one man telling me that he couldn’t date someone with that many bodies. It’s not like I was even trying to date the clown; I just wanted to fuck.
Sarah, 20/Female/Pansexual
I actually don’t remember my body count. I just know that I’ve been with more than 10 men and women. The entire concept is just not something that matters to me at all. Like, who cares?
I’ve never had a reason to lie about it because I genuinely don’t remember. I don’t care about anyone’s body count either; I just need them to come with experience. That being said, if the sex is trash, it never happened.
